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How on earth do you meet someone new???

(68 Posts)
mojoawol Tue 02-Sep-08 21:48:17

I am 38, have 3yr old DS, been single for 2 yrs now, and really thought I might have met someone by now. But when/how can this happen? I work in a fairly small company, with no love prospects. Ex works nights most of the time, and have no-one else to collect DS from childminder/babysit if I want to go out, so nights out are rare and usually spent catching up with friends rather than trying to meet someone. I have childless friends the same age as me who have been single for ages, if they can't find someone when they have all the opportunities to go out - what chance do I have?
I have tried internet, but no joy. All I seem to get is odd-balls contacting me, any guys I like the profiles of say 'no kids already' in their profiles (what the hell is with that anyway - are we THAT monstrous??).
I think I have probably forgotten how to talk to a man, let alone be 'intimate' (see, I can't even say it without sounding awkward), but Jesus, I want a shag!

MrsSnorty Tue 02-Sep-08 21:51:41

I am in the same predicament! Unfortunately haven't thought of any solutions but bumping incase anyone else has some.

bethoo Tue 02-Sep-08 22:01:25

how about speed dating?
and if you meet anyone who is not willing to accept you have kids then they really are not worth bothering with anyway.
i am single and tend not to mention i have kiddies anyway on a dating site i am on as i like to let them get to know me as me and not as a mum iykwim? also my dad always goes on about attracting peados as apparantly they prey on single parents so that is what i tell people when they find out i have kiddies. i am of the dating scene at mo as pregnant but happy being single yet flirting on facebook!
i ma on facebook dating site called Zoosk.
have you tried matchamker.com?

mojoawol Tue 02-Sep-08 22:06:32

Shit - good point about the paedo thing. Hadn't thought of that, maybe explains the odd-balls I get interested!
Will try matchmaker and not mention the kids - although it gets a bit hard knowing what to put in my interests - don't really have time for any others than work/son!

misi Tue 02-Sep-08 22:52:37

it can be difficult for us men too!! I separated over 3 years ago, lost all confidence and due to my constant studying or looking after my son, I don't get out much. last time I went to a kids fun park area, inside play thing, I got funny looks from the mostly mums there, the few dads there were with their wives/partners but there were many women on their own with the kids. so even a place where there are women is often a no go area, but don't give up. there are some decent blokes online, I am online but I am strange so I can see you point mojoawaol grin. I find I can talk to women quite easily unless I fancy them of course then it all goes screwy. my sons mum I met online, we argued about a treatment for a client, met up because we couldn't argue effectively by messenger and then got together after several months. after we split I I carried on studying and one of my tutors asked me out after I finished the module she was teaching, 15 years younger than me, my ego soared wink, was with her for 6 months till she disappeared, ego at rock bottom, then 7 months ago, met a lady from the ukraine who has a 6 year old boy. ego back up there again. she went back to ukraine for the summer as her son was a bit homesick for his grandparents and I am not sure she is coming back, ego knackered again, for me, with a child of my own, a mum with a kid is not too daunting, for a bloke without kids, an instant family is a bit, well, hmm umm, maybe too much responsibility and with a bloke who has no kids, who doesn't know the joy of kids (only the tales of being tied down, tiredness, sex life interupters etc etc etc) the idea may be that he will not have this gorgeous woman to himself and will have to share!! (no, it is true sometimes grin.
trouble is for the genuine blokes on dating sites, if you do not mention the kids then spring it on him later, often you will find, he will think that you have lied to him and wonder what else you have lied about and become wary of you.

and be careful not to say I want a shag, it may be true and may be easier for women to say such things than it is for men (last time I said that I got slapped and I had been going out with the woman for 3 months at that stage and gawd knows its true again now) but it may also attract the casual bloke not looking for anything other than a quickie, ok if thats what you are after, but these are usually the sleaseballs women moan about!!

just re read this and think I may have painted a bleak picture for you???
not my intention, I suppose I mean maybe stop looking? all 5 of my last relationships have come when I gave up stopped looking and if you go speed dating etc, go there thinking it is a bit of fun, never know, the man of your dreams may be around the corner (fingers crossed for you)

lou33 Tue 02-Sep-08 22:59:51

cant say i have had one guy who has been a potential paedophile during my online dating experience

nor have they been phased by the fact i have kids, but of course i am sure there are plenty who would be

i've met some nice guys from online, met a lovely one today actually, and am seeing him again on sunday, so will see what happens there

i am fortunate though as i have a teenage dd to babysit

RambleOn Tue 02-Sep-08 23:20:13

misi - I was probably one of the mums giving you funny looks. But I was thinking 'What a lovely dad, taking his kids to the park, I wish my DP did that' and feeling quite sad about it really.

mojo - can your friends find you a man? I'm thinking that next time round I won't be able to trust my own judgement anyway having made such a bad choice previously. I would appreciate an arranged marriage grin

LittlePushka Tue 02-Sep-08 23:41:03

Firstly let me say that I am a great fan of internet dating sites for a host of reasons.

I tend to think that most folk on dating sites are just normal, regular folk who do not have the social opportunities to meet someone. Dealing with other peoples children is difficult,..but many men at this stage in life(late 30's/early 40's) have experienced chldren so would be empathetic to your situation and if he is not, then he is not as suited as his profile may suggest.

I would not mention it in my profile for the above reasons,... but would not lie about it ( and would mention it ASAP) if contact was made withsomeone who was interesting.

There are so many more normal regular nice blokes out there than there are paeds... give it another go wink

misi Wed 03-Sep-08 00:18:52

hmm rambleOn grin
I go as much as for me as for my son wink only reason I didn't get another go at the rope bridge/slide was cos my son wanted to go home sad still got a couple of nephews I can drag take out for the day when mines not here grin

terrier141 Wed 03-Sep-08 13:10:02

Internet - definately! yes its true there are some oddballs on there, but I guess no more than you would meet down the local boozer. I reckon its a whole lot safer as you can arrange to meet in a public place, let people know where you are etc and be stone cold sober and totally aware of what is going on! Oh and you can have hours of fun looking at profiles and picking the ones that interest you.
I say this as a success story myself. I was a lone parent for 4 1/2years and very wounded when I met my (now) husband - we have been married since last Oct after a little over a year of dating.
I have 2 kids and so does he and it all works brilliantly (well most of the time!!)
I chatted to lots of guys online and went out with one or two, before I met my ideal man - I guess I was very lucky - but I do remember how it feels to think it is impossible to meet someone - so very good luck to you! xx

pandorasof Thu 04-Sep-08 19:19:31

I've been single on and off for 5 years now. I've 2 boys. All my mates are hitting 30 and having babies so i've noone to go out with at all! The internet does work, but its hard work to start with, you need to give people time, even if you don't fall in love you may get some good MSN friends to chat with during lonely evenings. Try Plentyoffish, its a free one! And do remember for every 10 rotten fish there just may be a good one! I'm on there, saying i've got kids and that i don't want anymore! Its best to be up front. Chin up. Don't know where you live but if you were near then i'd be up for going on the pull with you!!!

lou33 Thu 04-Sep-08 22:28:10

that lovely one i met the other day has asked to meet me before sunday , so we are meeting on saturday evening now instead and spending sunday together as well

Pinkchampagne Fri 05-Sep-08 13:04:51

Ohh, sounds promising,lou! Good luck!smile

lou33 Fri 05-Sep-08 13:43:25

we will see

SpandexIsMyEnemy Fri 05-Sep-08 13:47:06

what happened to the man you were moving in with lou?

I met current beau on POF - had given up with it tbh after an abundance of muppets on there but he's lovely - honestly.

I did worry about the whole peado thing (with current beau as well blush) but as it's been pointed out to me not all men are like that - and it could just as easily be someone you know. apparently in our area they're piloting the scheme where you can look the name up on the register - but as I said- if he's not been caught n there's no conviction it's no good - as mum said - you can't go thru your whole life thinking like that as nothing will get done and you won't find anyone.

lou33 Fri 05-Sep-08 14:53:02

oh long story but i decided i couldnt go ahead with it

we are still friendly, though he is having trouble accepting it is over

LittlePushka Fri 05-Sep-08 15:33:04

Terrier 141,...agree with every word and I married mine too 4 years ago wink

fransmom Fri 05-Sep-08 17:12:05

i have no idea i left x last sept and am so fed up with being on my own wink

Ewe Fri 05-Sep-08 17:13:03

mysinglefriend.com is very good, yet to try it myself but friends have with much success!

Yeyeayo Sat 06-Sep-08 09:23:47

Mojoawol, I completely understand. I can't meet anybody except for a few dubious swho (occasionally) try to talk to me while I'm walking around, going about my day.
It's been so long and although websites sound the ideal option, I find that I find it really difficult to describe myself and concerned that I may come across as the bitter and twisted woman I suspect I may have become. Anyone else have this problem and got over it?

singledadofthree Sat 06-Sep-08 09:48:21

mojoawol - am in the same position as i work full time and just dont get time to go out looking. my free time seems to be full of housework and various kids things - tho mine are teenage now and i spend more time on their cars than anything else.

do think that the bitter and twisted me can come out all too often - really shouldnt compare badly done to sp stories - tho it makes us what we are...by the way, i'm 41, single with three kids, dont mind more, live up north, dont smoke, love the outdoors, going out, cinema, food, bowling etc...

Yeyeayo Sat 06-Sep-08 10:22:46

Hmm... maybe I've been thinking too hard - as usual grin

fairydust Sat 06-Sep-08 10:29:36

i agree with the internet - i chatted to a few and met a few odd balls and then i met dp and we're due to get married now next yr so there are some nice genunie guys out there

fransmom Sat 06-Sep-08 12:09:06

lol at single dad

too bad you oop north grin

singledadofthree Sat 06-Sep-08 22:54:27

seems all you mners are down south - the M1 is getting far too familiar

am ever hopeful tho, may have to head north for a change.

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