This is my first post.
I'm a single mum. After breaking up from my 10 year relationship I went reckless and got together with a rogue for casual sex. I knew him for 9 years, not very well. When I decided to keep the pregnancy I knew it was a decision to go it alone. There was no chance or point in us staying together. I since gave him a few chances to be in my daughters life, but he's an alcoholic, and is a waste of space the way he bahaves. So I've written him off.
Im on benefits and live abroad, and feel so out on a limb. My daughter is 6 months now. I've been ' soldiering on' all this time. My parents in the uk support me and adore her. But after staying with them for a month and coming back home I feel so alone. I just ended a destructive relationship. It took great courage. And granted, there are quite a few men lining up to be with me. But either they are drinkers too, or I just don't fancy them. I'm scared of the future. Have so far tried to live each day at a time. But feel I'm hitting a wall again. So worried I can't provide for by gorgeous little girl. Scared about her missing out on other affection. No father figures aroud (all male friendships went wrong as they had other intentions).
Am I the only one that feels I'm just not enough for her?? I saw the way she came alive in herself when we stayed with my parents. I feel she needs more than just me. I feel inadequate, and to top it off have a recurrence of a thyroid disease, and just don't have the mental energy for her 24/7. I cant help but feel she deserves more than I can give.
I think I'm in danger of rambling now. It's taken me 6 months so share on this forum, and now it's all pouring out. I just hope someone out there in the dark reads this and can offer some kind of reaction to make me feel less alone. Anything, I just need honesty, not all the right words. Just a voice that can relate to me in some way shape or form.
Thankyou X
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4 replies
sleepylion · 28/08/2008 19:33
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