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i really thought that i would be married or at least been asked

(24 Posts)
heartmummy Wed 27-Aug-08 16:22:55

im ok being a lone parent BUT when i was a teen i thought that people got married before they turned into old farts (32) im the only one left in our huge family im never going to live it down,

Yeyeayo Wed 27-Aug-08 16:29:00

Hi heartmummy,

I used to think that as well. Seemed like it was inevitable and would happen at some point in my far-off twenties. I'm 30 now. Haven't had a sniff of marriage nor are there any current prospects. Also, all my friends are either married or engaged.

I've adjusted to the fact that it may not happen. And I've seen enough in the relationships forum to see that marriage in itself is no guarantee of really being settled. Would break me if I actually got married and was done as I have been by mere boyfriends.

Tbh, I've become used to being a lone parent now anyway - didn't know quite when that happened.

Yeyeayo Wed 27-Aug-08 16:29:45

Are you embarrassed that you're the only one not married? Is it that you think that it says something negative about you?

heartmummy Wed 27-Aug-08 16:49:43

im ok with it really happy i dont even want a man which people think is strange in it self, but i think other people and family are embarrassed for me, ive been asked if im GAY which im not. im a very head stronge woman they all think ive missed the boat ( why oh why do people `men ` think that if ur single at my age you must be gay)

zippitippitoes Wed 27-Aug-08 16:51:26

shock

im sure its not that unusual to be single

muggglewump Wed 27-Aug-08 16:55:58

I thought that even when ex dp left me.
Now the thought freaks me out!
Luckily (for me in a bitchy way, feel free to flame) my brother is getting married for the second time next year and my Dad has already told me he doesn't think it will last.
By that, I mean I have no one who's made a better go of it than me to be compared with so no pressure.

MUMDONEGOOD Wed 27-Aug-08 20:01:53

Hi heartmummy I thought I would be married by now too. I'm forty can you imagine that. Not one of them stays with me and they always end up marrying someone else. I can sympathise with you completely. Just recently I thought I had a second chance with ex but even he is marrying someone else. All friends and close family are married and look down on me as though there is something wrong that the blokes never stay. Thinking that myself tbh.

Yeyeayo Wed 27-Aug-08 20:55:53

@heartmummy,
If you are happy with it, let them stay there being embarrassed. The most important thing is that YOU are content with your situation.

@Mumdonegood,
It sounds like you're feeling really down at the mo (because of your ex?) Do you usually feel this way about it?

MUMDONEGOOD Wed 27-Aug-08 21:18:32

Down is not the word. I have been boring everyone silly with the situation (loneparents). I had a good career once upon a time and didn't look too bad, but now - I'm unemployed and fat with no future, sold a flat and have nearly spent all money as need to pay bills. My life has spiralled out of control and I feel that I am not worthy of being a mum.

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Aug-08 21:37:30

I'm 30 and never been married.. I would like to be but it's not the be all and end all.. I'm optimistic lol

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Aug-08 21:40:00

mumdonegood.. have you namechanged?

you do sound down.. is the ex getting married recent?

MUMDONEGOOD Wed 27-Aug-08 21:45:32

Hi Mascaraohara, think so, according to emails he got. Have just had the same thing said to me on another thread. Maybe its time to see the GP or something. This has knocked me back big time. Haven't name changed.

MascaraOHara Wed 27-Aug-08 21:48:00

lol @ me assuming I know everyone blush

have you felt quite down for long?

MUMDONEGOOD Wed 27-Aug-08 21:52:46

On and Off. Everytime I think something is going right something goes really really wrong. Life is never easy for me. Since the age of 16 when my dad died I feel as though something is missing.

Yeyeayo Thu 28-Aug-08 10:05:14

Morning Mumdonegood,
I'm sorry things look so bleak - I've felt like that from time to time. It sounds like it would be a good idea to go to your GP and access counselling. Sounds like you're connecting how you feel to your dad's death, which way precedes the things that have gone on recently. Maybe you can find some answers for yourself. I very much doubt there is somethng inherently wrong with you and the important thing is that you start to feel better about yourself x

MUMDONEGOOD Thu 28-Aug-08 17:42:50

Hi Yeyeayo,

Seeing a counsellor tomorrow. Hopefully they will be able to help as I really need it.

allgonebellyup Thu 28-Aug-08 18:41:21

Whats the big deal about being married?

Its not the 1940s you know.

And WTF about being embarrassed?

Yeyeayo Thu 28-Aug-08 19:15:21

Hi Mumdonegood,
Glad you took the first step xx. I'm here if you ever want to vent.

@allgonebellyup,
Regardless of the times, many people still value marriage highly, some see it as a status symbol/validation of their worth. I.e. If someone loves you enough to marry you, you must be worth something. Some people have adjusted this so that LTRs provide that worth. In reality, it doesn't quite work that way and I think many people know this - but there's still that deeply-held belief many have that one needs to be attached.

allgonebellyup Thu 28-Aug-08 19:38:10

i think thats a load of ** .
marriage is just a piece of paper.

MascaraOHara Thu 28-Aug-08 19:52:34

allgonebellyup.. I don't think it's the piece of paper so much as feeling as though you have somebody you 'know' is inteneding to go the distance with you.. feeling like you're in it together rather than all on your own iykwim, having someone to share the good times with and to lean on through the bad.

mumdonegood.. hope the session goes well, I had counselling at the very beginning of this year as I felt I need to talk through some stuff.. it did me the world of good. For the first time in a few years I felt like 'me' again iykwm. It was hard, soemtimes I didn't know what to say, sometimes I couldn't stop talking, sometimes I couldn't speak for sobbing but, for me at least, it was a really positive experience. let us know how you get on smile

allgonebellyup Thu 28-Aug-08 19:54:40

oh just ignore me..im just gutted my own marriage failed

MUMDONEGOOD Fri 29-Aug-08 02:59:49

Awake again. DD went to his mum and saw pictures of him and gf. I am absolutely gutted, he didn't move to his mum and is probably staying with her. There is proof now that this is his gf otherwise mother would not have photos. Not in photoframes though, stuck in mirror in hallway. Neice told dd was his girlfriend, aunty told her friend who is a girl. I cried all night, I have been used right from the first time we met. sad

escape Fri 29-Aug-08 04:02:36

Ladies...
its important to undersatnd that other peoples reaction to you not being married is their 'problem', and the fact is - not a general snapshot of national opinion in this day and age.
I am an educated professional, I married at 23 and have 3 children (now 30)
out of a group of say 8/9 close friends, I am the only one and can't even see it happening anytime soon for any of the others. (all attractive professionals0
YET - I know that within my own family set up ( and use DH's for comparison also) that had I not been married now - I would be considered exactly as you are describing.

don't forget - you can get married until the day you die, but we all know the fertility stats.
You've all got your kids.
if Marriage is the thing for you it will happen , there's plenty of time.

escape Fri 29-Aug-08 04:02:58

Ladies...
its important to undersatnd that other peoples reaction to you not being married is their 'problem', and the fact is - not a general snapshot of national opinion in this day and age.
I am an educated professional, I married at 23 and have 3 children (now 30)
out of a group of say 8/9 close friends, I am the only one and can't even see it happening anytime soon for any of the others. (all attractive professionals0
YET - I know that within my own family set up ( and use DH's for comparison also) that had I not been married now - I would be considered exactly as you are describing.

don't forget - you can get married until the day you die, but we all know the fertility stats.
You've all got your kids.
if Marriage is the thing for you it will happen , there's plenty of time.

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