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Would you bother to have a relationship with someone who you knew wouldn't ever take on your kids ??

(304 Posts)
IllegallyBrunette Tue 26-Aug-08 20:53:33

Just wondering about this because of my other thread.

I don't expect any bloke I meet to launch into dad mode and promise to be there for me and my children for all eternity, but at the same time, I don't see the point of starting anything with a bloke who catergorically states that he doesn't want to take on another mans kids.

How about you ?

FAQ Tue 26-Aug-08 20:54:38

No - I wouldn't. If they're not interested in my kids, then they can go and take a flying jump off a very large building..

Snaf Tue 26-Aug-08 20:55:47


believeintheboogie Tue 26-Aug-08 20:57:22


muggglewump Tue 26-Aug-08 20:57:46

By ever do you mean ever?
That sounds silly I know but I would never take on dependent children, yet a guy with grown up kids I'd consider.
If DD was say, 15 and close to being independent, yes I'd consider dating a guy that didn't want to be a father figure but accepted I have a daughter.
That made sense in my head anyway

IllegallyBrunette Tue 26-Aug-08 20:57:49

Good, glad you said that. Was starting to think I was being odd.

Pinkchampagne Tue 26-Aug-08 20:57:56

If they came out with a line like that, then no.
I don't expect anyone to take on my children as their own though, as they have a dad, but they must understand that my children are part of me & accept that.

ThatBigGermanPrison Tue 26-Aug-08 20:58:13

Oh my, no. What on Earth would be the point? All well and good for a quick boff behind the bikesheds, but I wouldn't want to bother getting to know him, except as a friend.

IllegallyBrunette Tue 26-Aug-08 20:58:50

Not sure muggle. Tbh i think it would still be a no no forn me if my kids were older and a bloke said he wasn't interested in being part of their lives.

FAQ Tue 26-Aug-08 20:59:20

3 1/2 months ago when I went for my first night out after ex moved out it was quite interesting with all the male attention I got blush - talking about ourselves, blah blah blah, and I@ve got 3 kids........amazing how some "went to the bar" (or toilet) and never returned.....

I only went out to flirt (or possibly get a shag for the night) ended up not shagging anyone (that night wink) but am still seeing them now!

solidgoldbrass Tue 26-Aug-08 20:59:26

Depends. THere's nothing wrong with having a relationship (ie meeting fairly regularly for drinks/dinner/sex) with someone who doesn't like children and doesn't want to meet yours: do you insist that every single friend you make has to spend time with your DC? A lighthearted shagging friendship is far better than trying to coax or coerce someone into Daddy mode against his will.
Be wary in general of getting into the 'I'm looking for a life partner' mindset, it does attract cocklodgers and bullies.

FAQ Tue 26-Aug-08 21:01:21

but the even meeting regularly for drinks/dinner/sex has to be worked around the children if you're single - so there IS still an element of the children being "involved" so to speak surely???

IllegallyBrunette Tue 26-Aug-08 21:05:18

Exactly FAQ, a relationship worked around children would be hard to organise. Now if it were the beginning of a relatioship where it could go either way, then yes, putting time and effort into that for a while before they net kids etc is fine, but start a relationship knowing that they don't want to ever take on your kids is pointless in my book.

FAQ Tue 26-Aug-08 21:06:46

my views too IB

oh and we're all having a "sleepover" at DP's house tomorrow night, they're spending the afternoon tomorrow on his Xbox360, we're having takeaway burgers for dinner then watching a disney movie in the evening with them with popcorn and hot chocolate shock grin

IllegallyBrunette Tue 26-Aug-08 21:07:00

Have just LOL at myself starting this thread, like I actually have the option of any relationship in the first place.

FAQ Tue 26-Aug-08 21:07:51

why don't you have the option IB?

IllegallyBrunette Tue 26-Aug-08 21:07:53

Oh that sounds fab smile

Does your new man have a single brother wink

Snaf Tue 26-Aug-08 21:08:21

It's not about 'Daddy mode' though - my ds already has a daddy, for one thing. I would want a bloke for me, not for my children, but it would be like living a double life to have to keep a partner totally separate. It would be as if he didn't accept me, tbh

FAQ Tue 26-Aug-08 21:08:38

no I'm afraid not - just a happily married sister lol.

IllegallyBrunette Tue 26-Aug-08 21:09:20

Oh just meant that I don't have anyone interested anyway, either way.

IllegallyBrunette Tue 26-Aug-08 21:09:50

Yep thats exactly it Snaf.

WideWebWitch Tue 26-Aug-08 21:10:09


Dh#2 is as responsible for ds (from dh#1) as I am and takes full responsibilty for bringing him up with me.

FAQ Tue 26-Aug-08 21:10:24

yes spot on Snaf smile

Anna8888 Tue 26-Aug-08 21:10:52

What do you mean by "take on your kids"?

I'm a stepmother and I do masses of caring/bringing up of my stepsons, but I do not ever expect to support them financially. That would be very unreasonable - any man or woman who refuses to support his/her partner's children from a previous relationship is just being reasonable.

muggglewump Tue 26-Aug-08 21:11:26

I think the thing for me is that I won't date until DD is older, at least old enough for no babysitter (don't have one now even if I wanted one) and by then "taking her on" is different to how it is now, same with me for any grown up kids they may have.
A guy who wanted nothing to do with her ever, of course not, but a guy who didn't want to be a father figure, yes possibly.
I have 9 or so years to think about this though so no rush!

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