I have always been very short fused, and can control it most of the time at home with dd, as a I go and have 5 mins and cool down. We came home from a (very bad) holiday on Sun - I was reeling as we had been pickpocketed, ripped off to the tune of 200 euros over the course of the holiday, and was really worrying about our finances for the next few months, and we also have a huge possible relocation worry that is really eating me up. Dd's behaviour throughout the holiday had been dreadful - I wanted to come home halfway through as I couldn't take it any more.
So anyway, we were on a (Ryanair actually!) flight, and the generator's didn't work on the plane, so we were sat on the tarmac for two hours with our handluggage stowed as "we could be setting off in 5 mins" so dd was bored stupid and being quite difficult as she is not a happy flier. We have a 3 hour flight, finally make it in to the airport.
Went into Boots to buy some wipes and dd was asking for nail polish and lipstick. I kept saying no and kept asking her to put it back, our luggage had set the door alarms off (I'm stuck with two suitcases, a trunki, my handluggage, a handful of stuff we don't need but I'm panic buying, a woman trying to take the stuff at the check out, a dd that is trying to run out of the door with cosmetics and at the same time screaming blue murder, and a swarm of people that won't let me past with all this stuff to get to the till, and another store woman trying to tell me something about leaving baggage unattended and store alarms. Dd tries to hand the cosmetics to the till lady, I say no again, she screams again, the store lady tries to put them through I say I don't want them, the till lady tells me that I am being a bit unfair (I am not buying bourjois make up for a 4 year old!), dd smacks me as hard as she can around the legs and I turn round and smack her. I have never smacked her in my life - I was mortified! I don't know what to do. I feel dreadful, but the child will not stop hitting, biting and kicking me, not matter how many time outs or punishments she has, she still does it. I can't believe I've been trying to stop her doing it and then did the same to her.
I never want to do this again, what can I do to be a better mum? If I am in our normal environment I can deal with her, but the second we are somewhere new and stressful I can't bear it and get this awful anger and panic and turn into monster mum and shout and rant and drag her along by her arm and all sorts. I am so ashamed of myself.
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Does anyone else have a really short fuse? I am so embarrassed by my outburst in the airport-I still feel bad 2 days later!
14 replies
Dreadfulwoman · 26/08/2008 10:57
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