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I left him today I know i have done the right thing but am a bit scared :(

(15 Posts)
theirmum Sun 24-Aug-08 22:26:50

I have wanted to leave my DH for months before my DS2 was born (he is 4 months) I keep putting up with him talking down to me and treating me like a slave I wasnt allowed anyway without asking first and was just so unhappy

Today it all cam eto a head I decided to go see a friend and it started a massive argument because he wanted us to spend the day together ( I would have been back by 1) he started shouting so I asked him to leave he pushed me because I was in a door way so I push him back he the pushed me again harder so again I pushed him back all I was saying was i wanted to talk (what usually happens is he pushes passed and leaves but I wanted us to sort it) he then tried to jump out of the window (we were upstairs) my 4 year old was screaming "dont daddy" I then said thats it we are leaving then and packed mine and DS's things whilst my DH sat in the living room sobbing my DS told me I was bad and I had made Daddy very sad and I should say sorry

Anyway I have left and I am now at my Mums 100 miles away he keep ringing I have told him I dont think I can ever go back and at the minute I dont want to I dont think I ever will over the years he has made me fall out of love with him

I just dont know where to go from here I can stay at my mum and dads till I am on my feet I will need to get a new job ( I was made redundant last week and am on Maternity leave as DS2 is only 4 months) Does anyone know what I would be intitled to where do I go from here?

I suppose I just need some support

Sorry for the long post

letitbe Sun 24-Aug-08 22:28:56

I am sorry that you have been going through this.

I think you have been very brave.

zazen Sun 24-Aug-08 22:36:40

Hugs your way.

I think you are being brave also, and a good mum to your little ones.

I'm wondering is your H depressed? To be violent instead of talking, and to try and kill himself by jumping out the window is not the normal behaviour of a mentally stable adult. But that's not really your job to fix him is it?

Please assure your little boy that your H is a grown up, and that it's nobody's 'fault' he was crying, that you (or he) is not to blame. Sounds like you've got out of there in the nick of time for your son's health also.

As I said big hugs your way and hopefully your new life will fall into place perfectly for you.

sorry I can't give you more help about your entitlements - i'm not in the UK.

ShyBaby Sun 24-Aug-08 22:43:17

Get yourself down to citizens advice asap (Tuesday?). Then come back here for the emotional support smile

bluebelldancer Sun 24-Aug-08 22:56:21

I'm afraid I have no knowledge of what you're entitled to, I just wanted to add my voice to the supportive ones.

You won't have made this decision lightly, it clearly comes after months of thought. Hopefully you feel a weight off your shoulders at having finally done it.

It sounds like you have good RL support from your mum and dad and (as these things go) have the luxury of time and suppoet to think about how you where you want to take things from here. Don't be afraid to take their offers of support - think how you would feel if in years to come your DC needed you , you would help them in a heartbeat. That's how your parents feel about you.

Today probably has upset your DS a little but he is young enough to forget about it very soon. You have done the right thing by removing from him (and his brother) from a relationship which was beginning to turn physical and very shouty.

UniversallyChallenged Sun 24-Aug-08 23:13:41

oh theirmum sad what an awful thing you and your dcs have had to go through.

Cant say anything of any use sorry, but hope things work out and special hugs for your 4 year old xx

theirmum Sun 24-Aug-08 23:16:46

Thank you all DS has just started crying in bed I went up and he was a sleep he then woke up and said I really miss my daddy I feel so bad doing this but I he is a very clever little boy and he understands maybe more than he should I have tried to be happy for him today but its hard! I am going to to bed now because he is now in my bed I dont want him waking up again without me there thank you all

jellibabe Sun 24-Aug-08 23:33:24

Hello theirmum if your feeling gutted and fragile right now the best thing to do is to focus on the practical things. Checkout the local nursery's. Also is a useful website when thinking about starting another job. You may feel hellish just now but it will get better. Being trapped in a relationship you want to leave is much worse. However it takes a while to get back on your feet. The kids will be confused for a while and breaking up does hurt but if you are in an unhappy relationship it will prevent a lot of pain in the long run.

MadameOvary Mon 25-Aug-08 00:16:19

Hi theirmum, sorry you are going through this. I have a depressive DP and dont live with him for this reason. You get to a point where you just know you would be better off without them. DP is still a part of our lives but on my terms.
Just wait and see how it feels to be able to go places and do things without feeling you have to risk someone else's disapproval or bad mood. You will love it!

BBBee Mon 25-Aug-08 00:32:53

how strong you are

thumbwitch Mon 25-Aug-08 00:43:08

So for you and yet well done for being strong enough to take that leap. Can't offer any practical advice I'm afraid but am always here late at night if you need to chat. Have you taken both your DSs with you?
(((hugs))) for you.

lilacclaire Mon 25-Aug-08 01:53:12

Get on to your jobcentre and make an appointment with a lone parent advisor asap.
They can also do a claim for you over the phone.
Womens Aid also will be able to help you.
Good luck, you have done the right thing.

hollyandnoah Mon 25-Aug-08 11:42:37


I'm sorry to hear this .
You need to go to the job center and see an advosor, also the tax office. They will be able to help you, i'm sure they must deal with situations like this all the time.
I spent a day with an advisor, and she helped me get on track.
It's horrible i know but you are so strong by taking the first step i know you will get through it!

MUMBLEB Mon 25-Aug-08 12:45:58

well done!!!!!!!
i too was in a similar relationship with my ex for 8yrs i left with 5 children no job no home a broken heart physical and emotional scars a 4months baby and felt i could take no more i was petrified to say the least that was 2yrs ago now and it was the best thing i ever did! dont be scared look at it as a experience an adventure you can do itxxx

UniversallyChallenged Mon 25-Aug-08 21:59:50

How have things gone today? Has your 4 year old been ok?

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