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Why can't he just be happy to see dd and leave me alone....

(8 Posts)
mamachat Sat 23-Aug-08 23:07:32

I broke up with ex p due to violence, for the first week I did not let him see 13month old dd but then said he could choose the days and times he wants her but he must stick to them every week.

I said he must collect her from my mum as I want no contact with him. I am taking him to court for being violent to me. He did not beat me up, I had very minor brusies but I did not like how he treated me infrount of dd and thought I need to put an end to this.

He keeps messing around with times and texting me asking to see dd on different days which have not been agreed... His bail conditions say he cannot contact me, but I do not want to report it unless I really have to. He has also been calling me and 12.30 and 2am...

Today he text my mum saying he cannot make it as has to go to the hospital. (he has an ilness which keeps coming back, but if he feels ill today, I know he would have felt ill yesterday) so he could of went then instead of not seeing dd today.

He was texting me and my mum all day yesterday asking to see her. S why let her down today..

I feel he is more intrested in playing games with me then spending time with dd. I do not want to stop him seeing her as I need the break and i want dd to see him...

MsHighwater Sat 23-Aug-08 23:10:23

Report it! If he is breaking his bail conditions by texting you, you have to report it. Why would you not? You allow him to control you if you do not.

Sounds to me like you need official help in managing his contact with her, especially if he was violent towards you.

mamachat Sat 23-Aug-08 23:15:52

I will be going to see someone from victim support for legal advice next week.

I told someone from the police support about it and said I don't want ot report it and said i would write him a letter and if he does it again i would report it. Then I didn't get togive him a letter as he did not collect dd and it was in her bag...

I really didn't want to go through the courts as at the moment he does not have parental responsibilty for dd and I do not want him to get it which he could if we go to court...

popcorn123 Sun 24-Aug-08 16:03:56

I have also recently left my abusive husband. It is very hard to accpet but they care only about themselves and no one else not even thier children.

My ex will not committ to set times and only wants to take the kids out when I am there, he refuses to take them without me as that would make my life too easy!

I also get phones call all the time trying to get me to go back.

I think you need to be tough and if he has violated his bail you have to report him otherwise he will think he can walk all over him again.

I have finding this really hard, like you are. I left 4 months ago and still can't foramlise things legally (and get him to committ to seeing the DC's on a regular and basis and possibly actually pay me some maintenanceshock)
I think I am so programmed no to upset him that I am still trying to avoid it at all costs - but it means that you still get walked all over as abusive men don't care about anyone other than themselves.

fransmom Sun 24-Aug-08 16:10:10


please report it, it is mind games but then he feels that he can control you by texting you at all hours and knowing that, more than likely, you won't report him.

x was like this, it didn't stop til i reported him. becasue of his behaviour, not mine, he got arrested and has now landed himself with a police record.

please do not take responsibility for his behaviour any longer sweetheart, it is his responsibility not yours xx

fuzzywuzzy Sun 24-Aug-08 16:17:19

Report it, show the police the text messages they're proof enough he's hassling you.

I'd set up times which are convenient for you for contact, ie say, you will come to see dd on this date, at this time, for so long, and you will pick her up from my mums (or wherever is convenient for you), then I would change my mobile number and switch the mobile contract for the number which he has to pay as you go, and only turn it on when he has contact with dd, I'd leave the phone off at all other times.

I did what you did with ex, I agreed to whatever he thought would be good for him blah blah, and he tried to walk all over me, so I then set down definite dates and times and told him its this or nothing.

I'm just waiting for my divorce to finalise before I change my landline number as well, which should end the silent phone calls I keep getting at stupid o clock!

mamachat Mon 25-Aug-08 16:56:18

Thanks for the support everyone, i know i need to sort this out, i think he is in hospital now due to his illness.

And his mum called me last night at 11pm when i was sleeping so i didn't answer.

she probably wants to let me know he is in hospital and will think we will get back together. but she probably does not know why we broke up.

God i have really had enough of all this crap, its soooo draining...

fransmom Tue 26-Aug-08 13:13:21


sorry i can't stop longer today? hope you all ok xxx

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