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Potential new relationship...

(283 Posts)
KateandtheGirls Thu 17-Feb-05 15:20:35


I have a friend, who I used to work with when I lived in New Jersey. He's a very nice guy, we have a lot in common and I've always enjoyed being in his company - although until recently it was always with other people, for example a bunch of us from the office going out for lunch. He's divorced, has been for some time, with no kids. He has always made it clear that he's fond of me, but never as anything more than a friend (at least I assumed so) and I was married for most of the time I've known him anyway.

That's the background. Anyway, a few of my ex-colleagues were trying to arrange a trip down to Florida to visit me, and in the end it was only him who could come, and he came for a long weekend in December. It was a little strange, suddenly spending 3 straight days with someone who I don't really know that well, but the kids were a good distraction, and we had a nice time. Nothing happened, although the thought did cross my mind, even though I'm not really physically attracted to him. And I wasn't sure whether he was interested either.

Since then we have been emailing each other all the time, although we haven't spoken on the phone. Well, on Monday morning (Valentine's Day) a huge bouquet of a dozen pink and peach roses was delivered, with a card which said "thinking of you today as usual". Now with my lack of self confidence I'm still not convinced that he's interested, but the couple of people I've spoken to about it say of course he is. We've emailed since and we have both tried to call each other but not managed to find a mutually acceptable time. I think probably tonight we will be able to actually talk, and I will probably invite him down for another weekend.

But, I'm very, very nervous and pretty confused. Not only is he the first (potential) relationship I've had since my husband died - and that has all sorts of issues with it - but the last time I started a new relationship I was a 19 year old thin, poor college student/au pair, and now I'm a 32 year old overweight wealthy stay at home mother of two.

I'm not looking for a husband, so it could work out well in that we wouldn't see each other that often (we're about 1000 miles apart). That's the kind of relationship I'd be interested in at the moment.

Gosh, this is long. Just wanted to try and figure it out myself I think. I'll keep you posted. I have butterflies at the thought of speaking to him tonight, and what we'll both say.

amynnixmum Thu 17-Feb-05 15:24:40

Good luck Kate. Definately sounds as if he's interested - flowers sound lovely.

ggglimpoposgoatcatcher Thu 17-Feb-05 15:32:38

I think the best you can do Kate is not think too deeply into it. Enjoy yourself, spend time with him for as long as you are enjoying it and try not to think of the future too much. I think we can safely say he's incredibly interested in you, so i wouldn't worry about that for a second.
I have been so stressed recently about seeing someone new and your circumstances are worlds apart. It brought out all sorts of issue in me, past memories and fear and i began to panic. Things have been going a lot better since i stopped putting pressure on myself. I'm just enjoying his company, not making anymore plans for the future and taking each day as it comes.
As for your body image, he obviously likes what he see,s he spent a weekend with the 32 year old, not the 19 year old.

ggglimpoposgoatcatcher Thu 17-Feb-05 15:32:57

Ha ha, forgot to change my name

KateandtheGirls Thu 17-Feb-05 15:35:36

Who are you?

fairyfly Thu 17-Feb-05 15:38:45

Moi, pleased you have an admirer anyhow, it lifts your confidence if nothing else

KateandtheGirls Thu 17-Feb-05 15:41:46

It certainly made me feel good on Monday. The first time in 4 years I haven't wished I'd stayed in bed and ignored the world on Valentine's Day (and I told him that).

fairyfly Thu 17-Feb-05 15:45:20

Thats fantastic and just what you need, a gentleman. What did he say when you told him that, it's a very sweet thing to say, i bet he was flattered.

Caligula Thu 17-Feb-05 15:45:47

I'd second the goat - just enjoy his company for now and take it slowly.

I know exactly what you mean about the "last time I took my clothes off in front of a new man (started a relationship indeed - what a very delicate way you have of putting things Kate!) I was size 8" phenomenon, but I guess they're not looking that closely by the time it gets to it!

Slow slow slow (she says, immediately launching into talk of taking off clothes! )

motherinferior Thu 17-Feb-05 15:49:03

Oh Kate, how lovely! See what you feel when it comes to it, but it's lovely that you have this option even if you decide not to take it up.

Like FF says, it's you he likes.

KateandtheGirls Thu 17-Feb-05 15:52:44

He said "For the record the only way I'd marked Valentine's Day in the prior four years had been sitting at a poolroom bar with friends." (All our communication thus far has been by email, which is so much easier than by phone.)

I didn't get chance to email him and thank him until later in the day on Monday, and he wrote back: "as the day dragged on and I hadn't heard from you, I worried over whether I'd done the last thing I'd intended and alienated you (tied for second-to-last were annoying you, confusing you, and embarrassing you), so it's especially good to have heard from you now."

Caligula! It wasn't just a delicate way of putting it - I really was talking about the whole relationship thing, not just the taking clothes off part.

Newbarnsleygirl Thu 17-Feb-05 15:54:28

Thats great KATG!

fairyfly Thu 17-Feb-05 15:57:18

Kate you just gave me goosebumps he sounds as if he really cares about you. If he is as lovely as he comes across he will know you will be nervous and treat you with patience and understanding. Obviously he doesn't want to loose you whatever happens so enjoy his affection and help it heal you. (sorry if that sounds revolting)

KateandtheGirls Thu 17-Feb-05 15:58:39

No it doesn't at all FF.

Caligula Thu 17-Feb-05 16:19:44

Nice to know you're not as shallow as I am!

motherinferior Thu 17-Feb-05 16:25:43

Or as me - I was side-tracked with envy of anyone who's ever been a size 8.

Seriously, Kate, you deserve someone to be nice to you.

Ameriscot2005 Thu 17-Feb-05 16:27:08

I hope everything works out the way you want it to, Kate. Good luck!

Do DH's family encourage you to meet people?

ggggoat Thu 17-Feb-05 16:31:44

Go for it, Kate.

ggglimpopo Thu 17-Feb-05 16:33:52

Message withdrawn

collision Thu 17-Feb-05 16:49:04

Oh how exciting and romantic!

The lovely thing about this is that you can take it as slowly as you like and you dont have to jump into anything and if you decide not to take it any further it wont be embarrassing as you wont bump into him down the road.

I would just sit back and enjoy someone spoiling you and caring about you. After all you have been through you do deserve this and it sounds so romantic. Do keep us posted.

Christie Thu 17-Feb-05 16:49:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KateandtheGirls Thu 17-Feb-05 18:22:19

He is great with the girls - he adores them and they think he's wonderful.

Not long after my husband died, his father told me that the family all loved me and the girls and always would, and would support me in whatever decisions I made for my happiness. At the time another relationship was the furthest thing from my mind, but it was nice to have their blessing. My MIL has talked about people she knows who have had success with dating services, but understands when I tell her that I'm not ready for that yet. I know that my husband would say "About bloody time"!

One big drawback is that this guy has the same first name as my husband. If this thing goes any further I may have to ask him if I can call him "Bob" or something instead.

clairabelle Thu 17-Feb-05 18:24:54

Kate just go with the flow and enjoy it

WideWebWitch Thu 17-Feb-05 19:22:04

Agree with everyone who says go with it Kate, you don't have to do anything other than consider it as a possibility at the moment. Men don't send flowers on valentine's day to women they're not romantically interested in imo!

batters Thu 17-Feb-05 22:50:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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