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Have I been foolish?

(13 Posts)
MUMDONEGOOD Tue 19-Aug-08 12:48:08

I'M NEW TO THIS SO BE GENTLE. Split up with my ex seven years ago when my daughter was two. For the last few years he has been twice a week to see her. Not taking her out but sitting round mine. We moved recently and he said he was homeless and could I put him up temporarily which I agreed. Its history repeating itself. Found out he has got a girlfriend (whilst fooling around with me in bed) and may be getting married. I am devastated. He never spent time with us on weekends as such but insisted we go swimming every sunday as a family. His actions weren't always confirming what his words said. I threw him out last week and he hasn't contacted his daughter, she is older now and is missing him terribly. What can I do? I am crying all the time as well.

mankymummy Tue 19-Aug-08 12:51:04

can you contact him and ask him to see DD?

i think as hard as it might be you need to let him go and seperate how you feel for him from his responsibilities towards his daughter.

i have been here. i slept with my ex and then found out afterwards he'd been seeing someone else and had had sex with her the night before me. All the while telling me he wanted us to be a family and he was sorry for the past.

MUMDONEGOOD Tue 19-Aug-08 12:57:28

Didn't want to contact him as he's stubborn. He would not ring dd just because I have asked him to. DD quite upset but doesn't want to contact him as thinks he should be contacting.

I'm quite lonely as don't have support from either family, so did rely on him for everything. All was fine until four months ago when he moved in. I now realise I cant ask him for anything and it hurts. DD is so much like him personality wise I find it hard to talk to her and she with me.

elkiedee Tue 19-Aug-08 13:16:05

He sounds like a selfish git, but I think all you can do is contact him and let him know that you think he should contact DD and at least do the fatherly bit. He probably won't if he's so rubbish, but you will have tried what you can.

mankymummy Tue 19-Aug-08 13:25:26

i agree with elkiedee... as for having ruined things between you and not being able to ask him for anything, things will settle down.

dont forget he's the one in the wrong for deceiving you. if you can be adult enough to forget the last four months then I'm sure he will realise its probably more than he deserves.

MUMDONEGOOD Tue 19-Aug-08 14:29:44

I know you are both right. I just feel terrible at the moment. I kept it so stable for my dd for the last seven years and now she is feeling unstable. Do I feel guilty for being so naive, yes I do. I think I will contact him as you both say, but I don't think I can do it now, everything is still too soon. Not only that but we are moving as I can't stay here looking at the empty spaces where his things were. How can anyone be so evil, when I felt I was doing him a favour. Maybe it was for my benefit too, to play happy families. I find being a lone parent really really difficult especially at weekends when friends are with husbands etc.
Not looking forward to this bank holiday weekend. Keep imagining what fun he will be having with the love of his life. Does anyone know how to get through this and still be sane.

elkiedee Tue 19-Aug-08 17:13:04

There must be lots of other lone parents around, I can imagine it must feel harder at holiday times though.

Whereabouts are you?

MUMDONEGOOD Tue 19-Aug-08 17:35:45


MUMDONEGOOD Wed 20-Aug-08 18:38:26

Anyone out there? Still hasn't phoned DD. DD had massive cry with throwing things, said she hated me as well. Didn't know what to do? Anyone been through this. Know it was my fault letting him stay. Not sure why I did it.

Von73wirral Wed 20-Aug-08 19:09:03

MUMDONEGOOD, the only way you can get through this is be there for your dd and tell yourself its his loss. You need to relaise that he is only interested in himself and you need to concentrate on you and dd. I know its hard but you need to for your own sanity as well as your dd's.

where abouts do you live?

MUMDONEGOOD Wed 20-Aug-08 19:26:07

Thanks Von73wirral, live in Norwood South London. Feeling a bit low as bank holiday coming up as well, everywhere I go seems to have families together. Keep imagining him with gf or wife now having a good time. How do I deal with jealousy as well as everything else. I feel so inadequate, why wasn't I the one!

Von73wirral Wed 20-Aug-08 19:53:41

Hi, Its very very hard dealing with the jealousy but you should try not looking at it as why weren't you the one but the other way round and thankful for lucky escape.

once a cheater always a cheater

MUMDONEGOOD Fri 22-Aug-08 08:06:33

Guess what. Ex has called dd for a few seconds. Told her has started new job. I did his resignation letter for last job. Asked her what she has been doing on the holidays etc. She didn't have time to say anything to him as he cut her off saying he's busy and will be in touch. Should I just be grateful he has been in touch with her? According to dd he sounds happy.

He sounds happy and I'm seeing a councillor today to help sort my head out. What a joke life is. You do bad you get the benefits, you try to live good you suffer. Have you noticed I'm feeling sad today....sad

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