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Tinkywinks Sun 17-Aug-08 00:40:52

Can I just have a single parent moan?

Feeling really alone with parenthood at the mo. My 3 yr old ds has been having a funny couple of weeks - over boisterous, loads of tantrums and defying me loads. And I just can't get any support!

My mum normally helps (although she's been ill recently and now she's off on hols for a month) by coming over once, sometimes twice a week. But she is purely there because she loves her grandson so much, not really to support me (I know that might sound ungrateful). She just really spoils him, and when he has a tantrum she will pander to him ("ok ok, whatever you want, don't cry, shall I get you an ice-cream?"), which makes parenting harder for me, and the only time she will discipline him is when she says "don't do that, mummy will get cross with you". So it's the good cop, bad cop game and I don't think that's fair on me. And when I try to tell her how exhausting his tantrums have been for me recently, she just doesn't want to know.

I tried to mention it to my dad today, he just said "Well there's obviously something wrong with him. Anyway, I thought you wanted to use the printer?" Tried other family members but it seems all the people who were all "we are going to help and support you through this" when I was on my own when DS was born, now seem to think that I can manage on my own just fine. It can just feel so lonely at times, especially when ds behaviour is a bit off.

Sometimes I wonder, is he ok...sure he's generally happy and plays every day, but when he has these outbursts I find it hard not to take it personally and think is it something I've said or done? I guess when there's no-one to bounce it off at the end of the day, you can get a bit carried away with these kind of thoughts - anyone else feel like that?

DS did say the other morning, after we were having cuddle in bed and saying we love each other, "Sometimes you get cross with me. Sometimes I get cross with you." So I said, "Yes but I still love you, even when I'm cross" and he said "but you said you didn't like me." I'm not sure what he was referring to, maybe when I've said that I didn't like it when he behaved in a certain way. But he was obviously disturbed by this.

Anyway, I'm tired and going to bed! Be back tomorrow. x

AMAZINWOMAN Sun 17-Aug-08 07:06:47

Have you tried posting this in the parenting section? Tantrums are a normal part of toddlers, and there may be some support there too.

Kids do learn who they can manipulate, so even if your son has his nan wrapped around his little finger, he will learn he can't do it with you!

boys are more boisterous than girls! I used to take mine out every day to the park, swimming pool etc to try and get rid of some of their energy!

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