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Times when you wish you had a bloke

(30 Posts)
IllegallyBrunette Sat 16-Aug-08 21:14:17

1) Bin day (especially if it is raining).

2) When something wakes you up in the night and you lie there frozen to the spot.

3) When you hear a screeching noise, look out the window and see your cat trotting along the lawn with either a very big mouse or a rat in her mouth (that was just, and for some reason, I am sat here with my feet up on the shelf under the desk lol).

4) When you realise you have run out of something essential and it's too late to go back out.

5) When you can't get the lid of something, although I am quite good at that now.

6) When you have to remove huge spiders from frightened childrens rooms whilst pretending not to care.

turquoise Sat 16-Aug-08 21:17:26

The essential battery operated product for single women. wink

IllegallyBrunette Sat 16-Aug-08 21:19:14

Ohhhh fab, thanks grin

tortoise Sat 16-Aug-08 21:25:51

I don't mind bin day, just wheel the wheely bin out.
Am getting better with Spiders too.

7. When you are warn out after a ling day and really don't want to cook or wash up.

8. An extra pair of hands on days out/holidays. (Especially with my lot!)

9. When i don't want to go out in the rain for the 100th time just to walk the dog.

10. When you want proper sex which a vibrator just can't give.grin

Sure their are lots more!

humanbean Sat 16-Aug-08 21:30:39

God almighty. You could catch a giraffe with that thing.

Must get a job at Lakeland thinking up ideas for scared lone parents...like a hammer!? It decimates big spiders, smashes the lids off anything, can be swung at things that go bump in the night (especially if it's H returning for cufflinks), be used to threaten taxi-drivers when ordered to go to petrol station to buy milk/fags/paper/loo rolls/formula/polos/more fags/Right Guard...

and doubles as useful implement to bang nails into coffins. wink

turquoise Sat 16-Aug-08 21:31:11

11. When you have to manhandle a flatpack that weighs more than you do off the shelf at Ikea, through the till, into the car, back out of the car and up the stairs at the other end. I rock at actually putting flatpacks together, but the brawn of lugging the damn things about almost defeats me.

12. Mowing the lawn when the bloody mower just won't start (my whole upper body aches today like I've just rowed up the Thames, thanks to my bastard mower).

And various lovely hmm men stood around and watched me struggling on both those occasions, without even the most half-hearted offer of help.

tortoise Sat 16-Aug-08 21:39:05

Oh yes lawn mowing. I do sometimes enjoy it but it is a big lawn and takes ages. Normally over grown because there is always something else i need to do!

humanbean Sat 16-Aug-08 21:45:38

Lawn mowing when you have a tiny piece of lawn but KEEP tripping over the farking mower lead and the dog, can't hear the baby cry, the grass is too wet so the dog poos you missed stick to the blades and make the shed stink...

Of course if h was here he would not have been mowing lawn in first place until bone dry including dog shits. Sensible on some occasions, a complete hooker-shagging deserter in the end grin

Am enjoying myself tonight.

tortoise Sat 16-Aug-08 21:56:37

I always miss a dog shit or two and mow over it smearing it more into the grass. I had to cut it while wet yesterday. I ended up with green hands.
Still have the worst bit to do by the trampoline. That can wait though. Feel sorry for my neighbours living next to me. They have perfect gardens. (No kids though just grandkids)

humanbean Sat 16-Aug-08 22:05:58

Invite neighbours round, and their grandkids, for a go on your trampoline. But remember, age before beauty...see if you can get the oldies bouncing up and down. Bet they'd love it.

Then collapse it while they're mid-air.

misi Sat 16-Aug-08 22:07:27

cover the shit with mud and when it rains it disappears!! my sis told me this when I missed some and smeared it all over, didn't believe her but it worked!!

tortoise Sat 16-Aug-08 22:21:49

Lol HB! They really wouldn't want to come round!

Misi Thats a good tip. Will remember that. Really i should walk him more and not let him do it in the garden lol.

abouteve Sat 16-Aug-08 22:31:11

I need a gardener, handyman, someone to take the car for a service I find all this stuff low on my priority list, someone to help pay the bills when I'm feeling poor.

See its all about money! When I have a bit more there will be nothing to miss.

TwoIfBySea Sat 16-Aug-08 22:37:27

When I need a cuddle on the sofa, like I do right now.

Sigh.

When I want to talk with someone but find that if it isn't interesting to the dts (age 6 1/2) then I usually end up talking to the dog - and that is sad and pathetic.

When I need to fix the light in the dts room and haven't a clue what to do.

humanbean Sat 16-Aug-08 22:47:14

I talk to my dog all the time. Ds now looks at me when I am talking, and turns his head and looks at dog when he (me) is talking. I find the dog is far more intelligent and uses longer words.

Two lights round the mirror in the bathroom have broken and there is a halogen ring-thing busted in the kitchen. I know what to do...

Nothing. Until I can afford an electrician.

tortoise Sat 16-Aug-08 22:52:49

I talk to the dog too. He ignores me (much like a man would i expect!)

I am really bored! Too early for bed really. grin And i would just end up looking at the empty space next to me.

solidgoldbrass Sat 16-Aug-08 22:56:33

<thinks hard> No. Can't come up with anything that couldn't be fixed by visiting friends/relatives/buying a vibrator.

Don't forget: being single is so much better than putting up with an extra dependent to feed and pick up after or be insulted by.

singledadofthree Sat 16-Aug-08 22:58:11

shit solid!! i do all the work here...am slightly indignant...nah...grin

ShyBaby Sat 16-Aug-08 23:00:48

To do the electrics maybe? Cant think of much else.

tortoise Sat 16-Aug-08 23:01:29

I disagree Solid. Yes a vibe is good but is no substitute to a good sex session! grin

I don't have any visiting relatives so i have to do it all myself.

humanbean Sat 16-Aug-08 23:04:57

He didn't insult me. But he was lying. He must have insulted me in his head...like this:

"You horrid dog-talking-to bitch. You love the dog more than me. I dont get enough. I am going to run away. I am going to show you who is boss round here. It's not the dog. It's me. I am top dog. Therefore I am going to ground you and ds's nose into the dust by showing you that I am an independent man with needs. And possibly a shag on the side. Yes. I am going to run away and hide from the CSA and my mum and my brother and sister, abroad, and I am going to tell people lies about you. Oh, and about myself too, because let's face it, I can't admit that I have run away from Everything (now my nose is wunny and I dont have a hanky, help where is my mumy) So yes, I am going to tell lies about me too. See how YOU like that you dog-loving wife you...
Then I am going to have a nice happy life and you and the dog and the baby can go rot on the allotment".

But we don't have an allotment.

abouteve Sat 16-Aug-08 23:06:03

Singledadofthree, you can have your say about times you wish you had a woman.

singledadofthree Sat 16-Aug-08 23:08:53

erm...sometimes...most of the time...right now grin

singledadofthree Sat 16-Aug-08 23:12:54

and tho i wouldnt admit it in real life - the night i went to the pics and watched 'a wonderful life' on me own - just a few weeks after my ex left, wasnt a good idea. fab film tho, one of my all time faves.

abouteve Sun 17-Aug-08 00:12:06

A wonderful life is one of my all time greats too. Its often on at Christmas and I always sob my heart out. A good cry does you good!

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