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Sex with your Ex

(14 Posts)
sleepyold Fri 15-Aug-08 21:59:38

I wondered if anybody else had succumbed to this?
I am pregnant you see and we have three other children, so at the time I think it doesn't really make much difference. However, afterwards I feel remorse and swear I will never let it happen and just feel generally crap - like now for instance.

misi Fri 15-Aug-08 23:27:24

why are you sleeping with your ex?
you had 3 children when you split, you had sex with him after splitting and are now pregnant again by him is that right?
while you let him back into your bed, you will never get rid of him or be free of him. it will either be a control thing for him or a fall back position for him unless of course there is a chance of reconciliation?
whether you were the instigator of the separation (which means you had good reason to get rid in the first place) or he was, it will do you no good to allow this to happen again and only make you feel worse in the long run and as you know, make you feel generally crap. I imagine you are feeling used and abused to a degree? especially if he has someone else to go to like a new partner or latest plaything?
my ex let me back into her bed several times after we split, I thought it was a prelude to us getting back together, but in fact, for her it was a reassurance thing. when she felt lonely or afraid of the new unknown, she would run to me, but it was also equally a delaying tactic as she was also plotting with her solicitor to stop all my contact with my son and was, in her own words, to keep me sweet!!

you are worth more than sleeping with your ex when he feels like it, or even if its cos you feel like it, unless there is a real chance of reconciliation, this will only cause more harm than good. be strong and have more faith in yourself, you will feel better for it

sleepyold Fri 15-Aug-08 23:46:09

I don't know why.
He left because he said he no longer loved me. I do feel rather used, but I only have myself to blame.
Maybe I'm hoping it will lead to a reconciliation, but the situation has been the same for months and realitically I know there is little chance of that.

Mamazon Fri 15-Aug-08 23:49:37

he looks at you as an easy lay. the more you allow him to use you sexually the less he will respect you.

youneed to tell him no! he no longer loves you and has therefore given up the rights to your body.

You will never move forward whilst you are living in the past.

bluejelly Sat 16-Aug-08 00:21:49

I think most people do it at some point. God knows I have blush
I think sometimes the flesh is just weak!
Don't beat yourself up, just draw a mental line in the sand and say okay, I have done that for the last time, now move on...

Pinkchampagne Sat 16-Aug-08 10:31:22

I blimey, I couldn't have had sex with my ex! Apart from the fact I wouldn't have wanted to, I know it would have messed my head up badly & given him the wrong signals.

It's done now, so don't beat yourself up, but I can imagine how much it has messed with your head.
Like bluejelly says, try to put it behind you now, vow never to do it again, and move on.

ConstanceWearing Sat 16-Aug-08 10:39:55

He's taking the pee out of you sweetheart. Sorry to be harsh, and I do see why you would do it because you have children together and probably hope you will get back together if you are nice to him? (That would be my line of thinking anyway).

I could possibly have sex with my ex because he is a very nice-looking bloke. But I would only be doing it so I could rip off his penis whilst he wasn't expecting it.

This is NOT all your fault. He is to blame too. It's unfair of him to treat you as a Fark Buddy, knowing very well that you want and hope for something more from him. Try being angry at his total lack of respect for the mother of his children.

Understand why you have done it, understand the chances of it working are probably zero, then forgive yourself and look for someone who adores you ((()))

TwoIfBySea Sat 16-Aug-08 22:47:38

Are you kidding?

Sweetie get some self-respect.

After what he did to me ex could come in covered in chocolate and handing out real gold ingots and I still wouldn't let him within arms length to me. He once tried to give me a hug because I looked "sad" and I did tell him that if he ever touched me then he'd be wearing his balls as tonsils I would kick him so hard. It did change the dynamic as I was manipulated and controlled something chronic and with that I felt I took control back.

Try it, have strength and tell him to go find someone else.

singledadofthree Sat 16-Aug-08 22:56:20

eek - used to for a year or so when we first split - usually when she turned up pissed on friday night. couldnt get her out of the house quick enough tho next morning....can remember her hiding in bed and pretending to the kids she'd come thru early..blush...and ive been called cheap lately too grin

solidgoldbrass Sat 16-Aug-08 23:00:41

Sex with XPs is only a good idea when both of you are really over the end of your relationship, think of each other as nice friendly people who you simply couldn't stand to live with, and just fancy an uncomplicated fuck. Otherwise, one person is always passionately hoping that this will be the Magic Shag that will turn the other person back into Faithful Loving Partner, and the other person will be thinking, well, he/she is all right, nice shag, hope to god he/she doesn't think this means we're getting back together, drat I really shouldn't have dropped my kecks here...

bluejelly Sat 16-Aug-08 23:08:06

SGB, you are spot on

ConstanceWearing Sun 17-Aug-08 11:24:33

SGB, you know who I secretly suspect you are? But you are right, as usual.

SDO3, you hussy! grin

solidgoldbrass Mon 18-Aug-08 01:26:18

CW: well I am someone who used to have a different posting name, so you are probably right.

ConstanceWearing Mon 18-Aug-08 02:40:55

So am I, SGB. I was littlewoman, but I changed. Much more in line with my love of swear words

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