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Should I let dd's violent dad see her??

(10 Posts)
mamachat Wed 13-Aug-08 21:25:45

Ex P was violent to me and took dd out of my home at 2am when he was looking after her as I went for a night out...

He was violent infrount of her even tho her was upsetting her and making her cry. Usually he is a good dad and loves her alot.

I have not let him see he for over a week. He is not allowed to contact me due to his bail conditions. But he has contacted my sister a few times asking to see her...

I do not want to stop her from seeing her dad but do worry that he used her to get to me and upset me. So is it really safe for her to be alone with him??

Also I am finding it hard to cope alone with dd and at least if he culd see her one day per week I could have a chance to get things done like housework and shopping etc...

I'm not sure what to do...

alice30 Wed 13-Aug-08 21:34:23

There is alot of research out there that concludes that men who are violent to their partners may well go on & be violent to their children. I wouldn't take any risks. And children witnessing violence can be psychologically damaged. 'Usually' being a good dad isn't enough

UniversallyChallenged Wed 13-Aug-08 21:35:49

Not without someone else you trust being there NO

tortoise Fri 15-Aug-08 18:17:52

You need someone who can safely supervise contact,otherwise he shouldn't see her.
Social services supervise my ex. He wasn't violent to me but he was to my DS1.

luvaduck Fri 15-Aug-08 18:24:12

no
agree with alice30

stroppyknickers Fri 15-Aug-08 18:25:16

No. I have been where you are.

Lovesdogsandcats Sun 17-Aug-08 10:47:53

No. And tell him it is his own fault.
Any man who acts in such a way does not deserve time alone with his child.

MUMBLEB Fri 29-Aug-08 00:04:22

ive been there and have regreted it ever since i was pregnant with my 5th child i had a complicated pregnancy (health) and i had finished with my ex. i needed help suport and a break and when he took the kids for contact i would do housework etc. convincing myself he was a good dad and although he was violent towards me.the kids had never witnessed it and he had never abused them. contact cont after time it was clear to see the effect it was having on my kids they were being mentally and emotionally abused so i contact stopped now my children have to recieve therapy im more stressed and guilty and angry that i was in denial at what a nasty man he was.i now know his capabilities and would never trust him no matter how much i want him to change.

3andnomore Fri 29-Aug-08 00:13:16

only supervised visits...otherwise...NO

dittany Fri 29-Aug-08 00:19:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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