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can I join the lone parents bit?

(17 Posts)
onlyjoking9329 Tue 12-Aug-08 19:14:57

just wondering if I will fit here?
I find the evenings really difficult when the kids are in bed and I am on my own.
I find it hard being both mum & dad to our three and I long to have someone to discuss things with at the end of the day.
I feel the huge responsibility of being the only person that the kids have and know I have to be strong for them.
I need to go and have an op soon but I am putting it off cos I don't know how we will manage.
How does everyone else manage this sort of stuff?
Does it get easier?

abouteve Tue 12-Aug-08 19:33:08

Of course you can join the lone parents bit. Not sure I have the asnwers as I only have the one and its all I've known, but I'm sure someone else will.

allgonebellyup Tue 12-Aug-08 19:38:25

i guess it is extra hard for you because you are grieving, and everything is so raw at the moment?

Fluffybubble Tue 12-Aug-08 20:23:00

Welcome oj.

There are lots of people on here with various reasons for being a lp - in general, I think a lot of us find the evenings hardest (and feel most lonely at this time), hence being on here now!

Being both mum and dad is going to be a huge adjustment for you, but from reading your previous posts I'd say that you are a very strong person, and that you will cope amazingly. That's not to say that it isn't going to be a one-day-at-a-time thing though (sure you are fed up of hearing that...). Are you having any counselling at all? Although you are having to be strong, you cannot be superhuman, and you shouldn't expect yourself to be smile.

Do you have close friends or family that can support you? Can you postpone the op for the time being if you need to? I have a good network of friends and family, but I still need to learn to take people up on their offers of help...and I only have the one ds! Can you arrange playdates for the dc, to give yourself a break, even just an hour or so?

MascaraOHara Tue 12-Aug-08 20:26:55

Hey OJ.. I followed your threads.. welcome (if that's the right word) to being a lone parent... there are lots of different circumstances. some people are bereaved, like yourself, others seperated/divorced, some have chosen to go it alone from the very beginning..

it does get easier but how soon I think depends very much on the circumstances of becoming a lone parent.

tonight I ran out of flour argh!

onlyjoking9329 Tue 12-Aug-08 21:37:57

Thanks for the welcome, i am just adjusting to my new role/status, i am getting used to filling in forms and ticking the box that says widow, i don't much like it thou.
i have some very good mates and a couple of very special ones that help out and have been there throughout Steves illness and death, Steves family no longer talk to me (thank goodness)and i have no extended family. because our three have autism we do get some daytime respite care and we do have some direct payment workers who take the kids out so we are not totally on our own.
weekends are always hard feel like a social misfit, but i am sure in time that won't feel so bad.

ChasingSquirrels Tue 12-Aug-08 21:43:15

Of course you can join, no need to ask.
I have no experience of widowhood, I am newly(ish) single, ex of nearly 17 years left about 4/5 months ago.
Glad to hear that you have some good friends around you.

onlyjoking9329 Tue 12-Aug-08 22:42:25

how are you managing squirels?i can barley manage the kids so you are doing well to be managing squirels too wink

ChasingSquirrels Tue 12-Aug-08 22:54:26

well...I used to chase rabbits, but then I had a lightbulb moment about the rabbits connotation!
Actually it was the dog that chased rabbits, in her sleep, she was doing it when I was trying to think of a nickname.
Doing ok, would prefer it hadn't happened, think I would still like to get back together - pretty sure that isn't going to happen, and I guess the more time marches on the less likely it becomes - both that he will want to, and that I would agree to it.
It is tough though, and lonely.
Life throws some shit sometimes doesn't it.
You just keep going though.
3 with autism must be very hard work, especially with no family around.

Ewe Tue 12-Aug-08 23:01:33

Welcome oj, sorry to see you here.

I am a LP to my 5mth old DD so don't have loads of experience and am totally winging it but I know how it feels to be lonely.

Hope the op isn't too serious, I'm lucky in that my parents are 5 mins away and still totally smitten so support me lots.

onlyjoking9329 Tue 12-Aug-08 23:03:47

just looked at your photos, you have two little ones that must be hard work.
my lot are older in years but need a lot of help still.
it sounnds like you are feeling uncertain about the future with your EX do you think it is likely you will get back together?

ChasingSquirrels Tue 12-Aug-08 23:09:15

those pics were taken just after the youngest was born, and the next morning - when I looked rougher They are nearly 6 and 2.5 now.
EX in capitals looks eeekk, much like having to tick the boxes on the forms I guess. Still takes me back when I have to tick the separated one. No, I don't think we will get back together, pretty certain about that really, just wish it wasn't so, we had been together since we were 19 and it is just so odd not to have him around.

retiredgoth Tue 12-Aug-08 23:13:48

Hey "OJ"...

I think we have "met" elsewhere!

...I seem to be surviving here (complete with "y" chromosone) so I am sure you will, too.

Some of the concerns are relevant, others less so, but I think it is a "best fit"!

ChasingSquirrels Tue 12-Aug-08 23:15:35

have to say, I mainly just do active convos - perhaps I notice the lone parents ones a bit more now - but often find myself on good housekeeping (reading in amazement then realising where I am and making a swift exit before I am evicted for being there under false pretences).

onlyjoking9329 Tue 12-Aug-08 23:17:16

yes it is hard to get used to ticking different boxes.
goth yes we do "know" each other don't we, it is hard to find somewhere to fit but i am a lone parent with some differences like your good self

onlyjoking9329 Tue 12-Aug-08 23:18:39

i had better go sort youngest out he is not settled again, he is missing his dad.

ChasingSquirrels Tue 12-Aug-08 23:19:46

good luck, nice to chat.

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