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Ex partners parenting

(11 Posts)
bournemouth Tue 12-Aug-08 17:33:30

Does your expartner look after the kids the same as when you lived together or does he forget to wash there hands after playing outside in the mud, wippng their bums, brushing their hair, giving them drinks when really hot, sun cream, coats,forget special dietary food ingredients, not bother holding their hands on busy roads or when they are hyper (mine are only 3 & 4), shouts at them, gets aggressive with them, no safety basically. How do you let the ex's take them from you.
It can't just be mine that does all this. Ia can understand 1 or 2 things but so many all the time. He just says he forgot. Is he going to say that he forgot to pick the kids up later in life from school or he forgot to walk out of the shop with the kids when he gets home. Please i hope some one else is going through this or has gone through it. I have been told to only give him supervised visits, but then he does everything he just does not do it when i am not their.

IllegallyBrunette Tue 12-Aug-08 17:37:42

My xp is crap at stuff like that tbh. Mind you he was when we were together.

He has the kids overnight one night a week, so I gave them each a pair of pj's to keep there.
About 4 weeks after they'd first started staying, dd1 brought hers home and said she wanted to swap them. I said ok, put this ones in your draw, and she said , no they need washing, dad doesn't wash them angry

Ok they are only worn once a week but he has a washing machine, would it really hurt him to wash them ? I spend al week keeping them clean and tidy and then he puts them in dirty pj's.

We had words and now he washes them.

Oh and Ds asked if he could have a bath there the one week and xp said no.

ChasingSquirrels Tue 12-Aug-08 17:46:12

Mine looks after them much better - as when we were together he did very little, and now he has them twice a week and HAS to devote that time to them rather than relying on me.

I have no idea whether he washes their hands after playing in mud (but tbh I don't), or remembers drinks and sun cream. They come back in much the same condition as they went (generally grubby as it is evening), they have baths there, I presume they clean their teeth, he takes them to school/childcare from his house once a week - and makes their packed lunches etc for that day.

If he had done what he is doing now while we were together then our relationship would probably have been better!

They are 5.10y and 2.6y.

moonmother Tue 12-Aug-08 17:48:04

My Dc go straight in the bath when they get home as well,he is very good with them and doesn't forget food,drinks,medicines etc.

He just forgets to wash them,help them brush their teeth or comb their hair.My DD has waist length hair, and it gets very tangly, she brushes it herself when she's there but she always comes home with big tangles in the back where she can't reach properly.They take toothbrushes with them too, but my Ds still needs help with his brushing,so his teeth don't get a good clean.

As for clothes, they are tidy eaters at home, which they should be at 4 and 8 but, they always come home with their clothes covered in food!hmm

I have mentioned it before but it just doesn't sink in.

I'd be terrified if he took them away for a week, somebody would probably mistake them as street children.grin

Other than that he is a great Dad tho...

treaclepudd Sat 16-Aug-08 12:35:36

My ex did squat when he was here as regards this type of thing.
Now I have to tell him to make sure the kids get thier '5 a day' [and they dont, he wont listen to me and says a bottle of fruit smoothie of sugar, natural or not is just as good!!. One time my dd came home with sunburnt arms [i was livid] and another time covered in his gf's stinking perfume shed sprayed on my dd because i complained the kids stank of fags when they came home, which caused a rash. i know they don't brush their teeth at his place-just by looking but ds told me also. it's just 'funtime' fairground weekend with 'dad' [apparently that's being a good parent???!]. Im a moany old hag!

treaclepudd Sat 16-Aug-08 12:42:33

doh! sorry...that isn't a link!

tortoise Sat 16-Aug-08 20:58:35

My ex lets DS1 and DS2 play on the computer or PS2 most of the weekend.

He doesn't tell them to brush their teeth (Although at 8 and 11 they should remember!)

He never takes them out places even though he drives and has loads of places he could take them.

They eat mainly crap unless their nan cooks.
He is happy to let them eat large bags of sweets/lots of choc.

Nan does all the telling off or telling them what to do. While he sits on his bum.(lives with his mum still!)

This all drives me up the wall. He never did anything while we were together either.

TwoIfBySea Sat 16-Aug-08 22:42:33

Ex-dh is immature enough for me to worry constantly when he has the dts. And his girlfriend (and mother of his new baby) isn't much better.

Last time ex took them for dinner it was supposed to be for a baked potato at the local shopping centre.

He bought them, and this is too M'net classic to be true, sausage rolls and giant size fruit shoots. Finishing off with donuts and empire biscuits.

They were up until 10pm after that junk. I brought them home and gave them a proper snack as they still hungry. He says it is what they wanted, I say it is because he is so f*£king cheap he couldn't fork out the extra to feed them properly but he always has plenty for his f"!king computer stuff...sorry, where was I...oh yes, parenting skills are not something he has.

TwoIfBySea Sat 16-Aug-08 22:44:20

Should read: they were still hungry. Sorry, the rant caught hold of me there!

First time madam cooked for the dts they came home rather astonished because "she made spaghetti and it came out a can mummy!"

Lovesdogsandcats Sun 17-Aug-08 10:28:23

Make it easy on yourself and only fight the big battles. Eg washing hands after playing in mud, no big deal. Getting aggressive-big deal.

If you bring these things up, all of them, he will switch off and think here she goes again, having a go.

So, just arm yourself with the big stuff and keep repeating it.

If he still fails after that, maybe you need to get someone to talk to him.

bournemouth Tue 19-Aug-08 13:33:22

Thanks everyone. I have had to post this message on special needs as i missed out this bit i think that its a bit important. I did make it easy on myself for a while and other people have said things to him but he just says what do they F_ _ _ing know. or i will do what i want. His whole life he has not listerned to any one elses point of view and says i quote this is what i want to do and this is what shall be done. I am not listerning or am i worried about what any one else thinks.

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