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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

I can't remember the last time something went right for me

202 replies

IllegallyBrunette · 09/08/2008 15:57

Don't get me wrong, I know that there are people worse off than me, but it just struck me today that I now can't remember the last time something that I/we really needed or wanted went right.

It's got so that I don't even expect anything good to happen anymore and never expect things to work out be it job applications or whatever.

It is making me have a really negative view on absolutly everything I do tbh.

OP posts:

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ThatBigGermanPrison · 09/08/2008 16:01

Well, if you haven't got a job and are entitled to benefi9ts, you won't ever starve, so every Monday when you look in your account and your income support went in, be thankful you don't live in Ethiopia where children are currently dying because of global rising food costs.

Loaf of bread currently £1 minimum for supermarket white sliced, but at least it's there and at least we can all afford to eat bread.

I saw the news the other night - there was a 5 year old smaller than my 2 year old because she's been starved all her short sad life.

If you think nothing is going right for you, go to a supermarket on a monday and look at all the things you can afford to eat - and if you work out who I am you'll know I'm not the rich preaching gratitude to the poor, I'm in the same boatm, but sweetheart if you don't keep your chin up you'#ll drown. Get it up.

IllegallyBrunette · 09/08/2008 16:02

Yeah, thanks, cos I didn't know any of that

OP posts:

allgonebellyup · 09/08/2008 16:07

Try focusing on positive thinking - thats what ive been doing recently, it works a charm. You have to actually visualise things that you want to happen, in your head.
Do you have any idea yet would you would like to happen? (apart from finding a man, lol!!!!!!!although i guess you could do this!)

Positive happy people attract good things, and more people to them. i have found all this since splitting with my ex; made loads of brand new friends (more than ive ever had!), hopefully getting a 2nd job this week so i will be practically rich!! (£1100 a month, wahaaay!)
Doing my final OU course (and Maths GCSE!!)in order to start teacher training next sept.
Also managed to wallpaper my living room today , by myself, by just telling myself i could do it.

i know its so hard when you feel so down, but do you have any deep down belief that things will get better? As this is what keeps me going, i know it ll all be great again one day!

ThatBigGermanPrison · 09/08/2008 16:15

How do you expect to cheer up if you are going to outright refuse to look on the bloody bright side?

Pull that stupid fucking face all you like, nobody can get inside your head and make your life work for you, nobody can cghange your thinking except you.

Maybe you do know about how lucky you are not to be prostituting yourself for bread to the rare man who can afford to pay you - maybe you wake every morning grateful that your 8 year old isn't the family breadwinner, maybe you do look in your cupboards every day at teatime and have the insight to be happy for the smallest of mercies, food your your children and help to pay for it, but you are choosing instead to focus on everything you do NOT have. It's your choice and nobody can make you choose differently - it's your right but u7nfortunately it's our responsibility

IllegallyBrunette · 09/08/2008 16:15

I really don't believe that things will get better to be honest. I know that is a very pessamistic view to have but there is nothing so far to show me even one bit of hope that things will ever get better.

I am starting college in Sept, but that has gonewrong loads of times in the past so I have no faith i that really. I would much rather have gone to work but I can't cos I can't get a job.

I feel like there is nothing I can do to make things better.

OP posts:

ThatBigGermanPrison · 09/08/2008 16:16

Shpuld say it's also your responsibility.

ThatBigGermanPrison · 09/08/2008 16:17

If you really don't think things are going to get better than you have to settle for what you've got. What else are you going to do?

IllegallyBrunette · 09/08/2008 16:18

You know what, I have no idea who you were before TBGP, but if your you think being abusive to me will make me listen to what you are saying then you are mistaken, so sod off.

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charliecat · 09/08/2008 16:22

cold and its with a Z, is the big german prison.
I think TBGP is just trying to get you to see that in the grand scheme of things, in this country, as LP its actually quite cushioned.
And in the grand scheme of things we have it on a plate, free money, free health care, free schooling etc.

mankymummy · 09/08/2008 16:22

when i feel like this i play the "things could be worse" game.

so... things could be worse

DS could be ill.
the house could have burnt down
my friends illness could have been cancer
i could be really ill and DS would be taken into care...

does that help?

ThatBigGermanPrison · 09/08/2008 16:24

I'm not being abusive, I'm trying to give you the kick up the arse you desperately need. I don't care if you don't know who I was, am or will be, but I have watched you sink lower and lower and lower for the past 3 years, and you need to change your attitude to your life. It's making you more miserable than you need to be. We live like kings in this country compared to 80% of the world, it's only looking at our neighbour's Porche that makes our pushbike look poor.

IllegallyBrunette · 09/08/2008 16:24

Ok sorry forget it. I am not allowed to hate my life, because it is better than alot of other peoples.

Fine, sorry I said anything.

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IllegallyBrunette · 09/08/2008 16:25

And for what it is worth, I didn't mention anything about money or material posessions, so don't make out that I am whinging because I haven't got things that others have because that isn't what I said.

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charliecat · 09/08/2008 16:25

Its not doing you any favours hating your life nutty
You need to find pleasure in something, you do sound really down.

ThatBigGermanPrison · 09/08/2008 16:28

You are allowed to hate it, hate away, but hating it won't make it go away, it doesn't mean you don't have to live it any more. I hate my life sometimes, but ninety per cent of my hating is actually pure jealousy. I watch other people doing better, and then I hate my life. But on the very very rare occasion I dare to watch the news, I go to bed grateful.

Don't let jealousy taint what you have, because being an unemployed LP canb look desperate and hopeless, boring, depressing and relentless, and compared to everyone else in the country we live in, it is - but really, we are lucky. Like CC says, we're cushioned quite softly.

IllegallyBrunette · 09/08/2008 16:31

What exactly is the kick up the arse for ???

To get a job ? Hmmmm been there tried to do that god knows how many times and it didn't work.

Go to college ?? Done that too, now about to do it again because I have no choice in the matter.

So what exactly is it that you think I should be doing to make my life so fantastic ?? I have been trying and it has got me absolutly nowhere.

OP posts:

misdee · 09/08/2008 16:33

IB, did you see your GP about possible depression at all?

charliecat · 09/08/2008 16:34

If you saw this post, by a good friend, what would you say to her nutty?

princessglitter · 09/08/2008 16:34

I think the feeling you have is internal to you and whatever happens in your life you are carrying it with you. I had depresssion and I didn't realis until I got help and it started to lift.

moondog · 09/08/2008 16:34

IB, why are you going to college with attitude that it will go tits up?
If you do, then things won't change for yuo.
You know thaT.

IllegallyBrunette · 09/08/2008 16:35

No, because no amount of ad's are going to change anything. They won't make someone give me a job for example, so I really don't see the point.

TBGP - What you mean, is that I need to pretend that I like my life for everyone elses benefit.

OP posts:

charliecat · 09/08/2008 16:36

They might change your outlook on life? Maybe?
Do you get any pleasure out of anything?

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ThatBigGermanPrison · 09/08/2008 16:37

the kick up the arse is to change your attitude. Changing your attitude will not change your life, it will only change the way you feel about it. We all know you're looking for a job, and most of us on the LP message board know how hard it can be if everywhere wants a 'flexible' staff. I've been looking for 18 bloody months. Had a few interviews too.

You can't let it drag you down, you can't let yourself give up, or you'll stop getting dressed in the morning and start thinking bread and grillpan scrape is good enough for your tea.

Count your blessings, hoard them, write them down and gloat over them like a miser with his clutch of gold, but don't write your life off, for fuck's sake, are you even thirty yet?

princessglitter · 09/08/2008 16:39

I really think Cognitive behavioural therapy would help with the negative self talk you have.

Please try to be open to the possibility of change. It won't happen overnight, but it really does work.

IllegallyBrunette · 09/08/2008 16:40

I have no choice MD. I can't get a job, I have tried and tried and I cannot get anything.

Even the job centre gave up on me ffs.

Because of the new benefit rules, in 2 years I will have to come off IS and go onto Jobseekers. I don't have a problem with that at all, but it doesn't mean I will actually be able to get a job.

The choice was either carry on looking for another 2 years and still not get a job, or go back to college. I can't face another 2 years of searching the internet for jobs every day, spending hours filling in application forms and then constantly checking my emails to see if I have got to interview.

No one wants me for anything, employee, friend, partner, anything.

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