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So ds tell me this, and I want to tear his father limb from limb....

(13 Posts)
AngryMother Sun 03-Aug-08 20:09:30

Last night we were sitting as normal and ds suddenly bursts into tears. When I asked him what was wrong he told me his dad constantly shouts at him. He loves his dad and wants to see him, but wishes he would just be nicer.

On talking more ds said he wanted to tell me something but I must promise not to tell his dad. I promised. He said his dad hits him. When I asked how, he said that "when I play up, he smacks me around the head. It doesn't hurt but it upsets me". ("play up" is not a phrase ds would use, its obviously something he's heard from his father).

At this point, I found it very hard not to lose my temper. We've had lots of problems with his dad letting him down, not turning up, having no interest...I've stopped contact twice because of it. But I never imagined his dad would start to hit him. Im under no illusions here, I have a dd who can be very naughty at times and my ds is not naughty. He can be moody, or hyper where he laughs, screams and runs around but he is not a naughty child. Ffs sake, his dad only has him one day a week, can he not even cope with that? Ds said his dad also hits his (6 year old) stepson around the head. I asked if his mum knew. Apparently she does and says nothing about it.

Dont get me wrong, if I thought for one second he would beat ds, or ds was in any danger at all I would stop the visits straight away. But when he slaps ds around the back of the head I think its to humiliate him more than anything. Ds is such a sensitive, gentle little boy and he does not deserve that kind of treatment.

Im so angry I want to tell the bullying egotistic twat that if he ever lays a hand on my son again I personally will make sure he knows how it feels but I cant break ds's trust. I promised him.

What do I do? sad.

allgonebellyup Sun 03-Aug-08 20:13:14

oh my god

Personally i would stop all visits straight away.
You need to sort this asap. Its clearly affecting your ds sad

motherinferior Sun 03-Aug-08 20:14:01

Hitting around the head is unacceptable. It really is. It could cause a lot of damage.

reikizen Sun 03-Aug-08 20:14:05

Can you explain that you have to say something to his dad and tell him why? To be fair you did promise him the impossible in order to gain his trust. You have to let him know that he can trust you with secrets but also that he can trust you to look after him and protect him, and some secrets just can't be kept.
Good luck, it really is a horrible situation.

AngryMother Sun 03-Aug-08 20:23:10

I know, the thing is, when I promised him, I had no idea what he would come out with. Tbh I thought it would probably be something along the lines of "the goldfish died and dad flushed it down the loo, it upset me".

I need ds to trust me. I dont know how i'm going to solve this.

Aarrgghh Sun 03-Aug-08 20:24:13

There are times when you have to break promises when there is his protection involved - this is affecting your DS. Please do something x

GordonBrownKickingHisHeels Sun 03-Aug-08 20:26:52

can you explain to your ds that in order to protect him you want to tell his father to stop. if he still disagrees, ask him to tell you what he wants you to do.

sorry you have to deal with this.

CrushWithEyeliner Sun 03-Aug-08 20:29:37

Hitting around the head can cause serious damage to a child. Who the F@£$ does he think he is hitting poor defenceless children and his new partner knows about this? angry

Please stop all visits for now until you decide what is best. I pity his new partner and am so sad for your son and her child.

piratecat Mon 04-Aug-08 18:14:11

sometimes you have to go back on what you say.

I have had to do it, and my freind has had to do it when confronted with something that really needed addressing.

Just explain it to your ds, as it is. That you were surprised by what he told you, and that you thgouht it was going to be somehting like the fish story. That you know you ssaid you wouldn't tel, but that it's very important there are no secrets. Say you are really glad he told you becuase daddy, shuold not do this, in jest, in cautioning whatever.

i don't know what action you want to take, but just let ds know you will protect him.

allergictohousework Mon 04-Aug-08 18:17:54

Your son is telling you about this BECAUSE he wants you to do something about it ... he is clearly upset and who wouldn't be. I know you need him to trust you, but now he's told you this, if you say nothing and his dad keeps on hitting him round the head, how do you think your ds will feel then? I would definitely take action.

Guitargirl Mon 04-Aug-08 18:25:57

What a horrible situation for you and your poor little boy sad and angry for you.

Am with the others - you have to do something - but tell your son first so you are not breaking any promise that you made.

Just look at it this way - think of your son as an adult and how he would think back to the fact that he told his Mum his Dad hit him but she did nothing...sad.

Wishing you luck.

MatNanPlus Mon 04-Aug-08 18:29:11

How old is DS?

Could you talk it thru with him, pointing out how it can be very dangerous to hit someone like that and ask how he wants it to be dealt with?

Mercy Mon 04-Aug-08 18:33:24

I think, partly depending on how old your ds is, that you must first discuss it asap with his dad without ds' knowledge.

What would happen if you stopped contact again? Is there a trusted 3rd party who could help?

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