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Bye bye car, bye bye flat...

(21 Posts)
bignutbrownhare Wed 30-Jul-08 19:08:12

Well, finally took my head out of the sand and got some financial advice, which was, sell your car and flat before you're made bankrupt and lose everything sad. In a way, it will be a relief to get rid of some of the crippling debt I'm in (from before I had dd and was working full-time in a well-paid job) and the palpitations-at-3am financial worry, and yes, it is all my own fault for spending money like water at the time, but I wasn't to know I'd get made redundant, get unexpectedly (but deliriously happily) pregnant at the rather advanced age of 40, and then end up a single parent trying to eke out a living working from home so I don't have to put dd into childcare. We can live without a car, and rent, and I'll get a p/t job locally if I can. None of it actually matters as long as dd is well cared for, loved and happy, but I'd love to hear about other MNers who have experienced this kind if seismic lifestyle change and survived. I'm not asking for sympathy, btw, I know there's a lot on here worse off than me. Oh, and twunt of an xp, who pays minimum maintenance for dd, swans of on his jolly hols tomorrow [seethe at the injustice of it all emocion].

expatinscotland Wed 30-Jul-08 19:10:47

Onwards and upwards!

I had to declare bankrupcy over 7 years ago in the US.

A divorce, two redundancies and finally, my car's being struck by a repeat drunk driver when I had no health insurance was the nail in my coffin.

The lead up to it was awful!

But afterwards, the day my solicitor phoned to tell me the bankrupcy was done and I'd be getting my notice in the post, was such a relief!

I'm glad you got htis weight off your shoulders and can move on.

bignutbrownhare Wed 30-Jul-08 19:46:57

Hmm, I managed to reverse into some poor woman in a car park on the day I was taking car to be sold blush. No damage to her car but a fecking great big dent in mine. Silver lining - insurance are paying. Cloud - I have to find £200 excess. Oh well. I have my beautiful dd and I'd happily live in a yurt with her (can you get housing benefit for yurts? grin). Am a bit concerned about telling my mum though, she's wonderful and supportive, but calm and rational are alien concepts to her. I guess it is moving on, expat, not in the way I imagined, but a new life nonetheless.

expatinscotland Wed 30-Jul-08 19:49:52

'We must be willing to get rid of hte life we planned, in order to have the life that is waiting for us.'

'You must learn one thing,
The world was made to be free in.

Give up all other worlds
except the one to which you belong.'
-David Whyte.

I tell myself these things all the time.

misdee Wed 30-Jul-08 19:50:32

we sold our flat almost 7 years ago now due to debts/ we sold it before it got the point of repossession. it managed to clear most of our debts and got us out of a hole.

we privtaely rented for a while, whilst waiting for council place.

the relief when that money from the sale went through was enourmous.

i do still egt a bit sad that we wont be able to own our own place for many years, but at least we have a roof over our heads now.

bignutbrownhare Wed 30-Jul-08 21:06:26

Expat, there's so many ways that can be interpreted, but I'll take it as a message of hope. My dd was conceived at the raggedly arse end of a relationship, after I had resigned myself to never being a mum. We split before I realised I ws pregnant (thought it was early menopause sad), but got back together once xp found out, always a mistake. Split again when dd was 8 months, (she's now almost 14 months) because the reasons we split in the first place were still there, of course. She is, with absolutely no doubt, the love of my life and my reason for being and she has changed me so much from who I once was. So the world to which I now belong is that of being her mother, her guide and her protector, and mortgages, bricks and mortar and material things have no real resonance in my life anymore. Ooh, look at me getting all philosophical blush.

Misdee, a roof over you and your family's head is all that's important, doesn't matter if it's owned or rented (you don't really own your own place anyway, the mortgage company do).

<<Logs onto>>

expatinscotland Wed 30-Jul-08 21:08:31

it is a message of hope!

you go the best of him, your daughter.

you're going to get through this.

Kewcumber Wed 30-Jul-08 21:12:23

its sounds horrible for you but as I think you know there are indeed worse things in life than public transport and yurts rented accomodation.

Good luck to you both. smile

Kewcumber Wed 30-Jul-08 21:13:54

'We must be willing to get rid of hte life we planned, in order to have the life that is waiting for us.'
{smile] I like that Expat - that is my life, giving up the life I planned was hard but the life I have now is great grin

misdee Wed 30-Jul-08 21:14:01

you'lll get through it.

dhs still went bankrupt about 2 years afetr the flat sold, mainly due to illnesses, and again, it was a relief in a way.

we do still have some debt, but aim to be debt free by next april. cant wait!

your right, roof over heads is important, doesnt matter if we own it or not. this place is my home, and i actually feel settled here.

macdoodle Wed 30-Jul-08 21:14:53

Same here horrific amount of debt - in midst of remortgage (refused and delayed)...trying to sell husbands flat (we are seperated) and empty shop we own - husband moving into shitty one bed and desperately trying to keep my house before we do go bankrupt..
I have a good well paid job but it isn't enough -H business sinking fast, and property market dismal....
I get the 3am waking with finacial worries - shite isn't it - some of it my fault - but H --fucking whore-- sorry having an affair , who then turned into pregnant bunny boiler and him being a lying cheating arse did not help angry

expatinscotland Wed 30-Jul-08 21:21:09

you know, when things went downhill for me, i'd gone through my divorce because my ex h didn't want any children, the worst part about losing everything financially was that i had no child.

sounds weird, but it just felt like the final kick in the teeth.

you have a new life now, as a family.

bignutbrownhare Wed 30-Jul-08 21:32:51

Mac, have you called Clearstart? Free financial advice (some govt initiative, I think). Not want you want to hear, (but it never is with debt is it?) but really helpful and they certainly got me focused on what I need to do. Kind of know your story, though haven't been here all that long. Hope things get better for you.

bignutbrownhare Wed 30-Jul-08 21:37:23

Yep, Expat, once you have a child, I don't think anything (not relating to your child) can really touch you. You have a dc now, though?

expatinscotland Wed 30-Jul-08 21:39:03

i have two daughters and am 26 weeks pregnant with DS.

bignutbrownhare Wed 30-Jul-08 21:46:31

Oh, I love hearing about people being pregnant! Used to hate it when I thought I never would be. I'd love to have another baby, but the logistics (too bloody old, too wrapped up in dd, no farking house or car and no-one to impregnate me!) are against me grin.

ElvinaFrizzell Wed 30-Jul-08 21:55:56

I also thought I was menopausal at 39 (same age as my mum) but got pregnant when I was just coming to terms with never being a mother. This led to me losing my job as I was temping and they didn't extend my contract because I was in and out of hospital.

To cut a long story a little shorter DH went bankrupt last August. Unfortunately he was made redundant shortly after so wasn't allowed to keep his redundancy payment.

A year later we have rented somewhere (we were renting before anyway) after 6 hellish months living at my parents. We have a cheap car to enable DH to get to his horribly underpaid job...but we have a wonderful two year old son and have been able to make a fresh start.

Often bancruptcy can be better than struggling on with a debt management plan. If you need one you are allowed a car (usually limited to about £1000 in value though) and you are 'allowed' a better budget as the idea is not to penalise you but to ensure that you hopefully don't get into debt again. Obviously, not being able to obtain credit for years helps with that.

In our experience at least, there is a lot of things worse than bancruptcy smile

bignutbrownhare Wed 30-Jul-08 22:05:45

Thanks Elvina, I have looked into it, but as I (for the time being) own my house, it's better for me to sell it before one of my creditors takes it off me. At least that way I can get a bit of equity out of it to keep the wankers wolves from my door. I think you can get credit three years are becoming bankrupt.

ElvinaFrizzell Wed 30-Jul-08 22:07:35

Ouch, my English seems to have fallen apart, bankruptcy for starters blush

Oh and I meant to say I haven't heard of Clearstart but would recommend (for Macdoodle too) CCCS (Consumer Credit Counselling Service?) who are a registered charity. Some of these companies who advertise free advice then charge huge amounts when you sign up to an IVA. I would also recommend the MoneySavingExpert forum especially the debt free and bankruptcy boards.

bignutbrownhare Wed 30-Jul-08 22:13:27

Me too, I meant after becoming bankrupt, damn my sticky brain keyboard.

ElvinaFrizzell Wed 30-Jul-08 22:13:40

Yes, it is trickier when you own a property.

Good luck, you and your DD will be fine smile

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