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feeling a little down now. and in need of a hug or 2.

(19 Posts)
davidtennantsmistress Mon 28-Jul-08 18:28:32

XH has updated his FB now as 'in a relationship' officially now with said woman he was cheating on me with. she's leaving apparently for spain next month. he's finally admitted it - whilst i'm seeing someone new it still hurts thou. I don't want him back X that is he was horrid in the end i'm so much better off/happier without him. why am I even thinking like this?? WHY!??

was doing well until this. and Thursday is the anniversary of when I had a M/C last year at 8(ish wasn't 100% sure on dates) week mark. baby stopped growing at 6 week.

Guess this past year so much has changed and so much is shit.

just want it to all go away, and run/hide. this has knocked me for six again. can't even cuddle up with the man cos he's not coming over until tomorrow.

BoysAreLikeDogs Mon 28-Jul-08 18:41:40

Awwwww

orangehead Mon 28-Jul-08 18:43:33

hugs being sent your way. Its horrible isnt it

davidtennantsmistress Mon 28-Jul-08 18:44:30

wouldn't mind but yet again X has chosen the woman over his DS as is missing a week with him so he can see her b4 she geos away for a year- I mean am I meant to give a god damn shite about his social calender with her??? angry

wouldn't be half so bad if he actually bothered his arse to ring DS when he doesn't see him - but no guess that's too mcuh hassle isn't it - just pisses me off he can ring her but can't ring ds (it's not like I even talk to him either as DS has the phone right away.

am meant to be stopping at PIL's house on friday - X knows about it as well - wonder if I should ask if they still want us there?

davidtennantsmistress Mon 28-Jul-08 19:09:26

shybaby Mon 28-Jul-08 20:33:58

Hugs to you. They are tossers sometimes. Yes, relationship is important but not to the detriment of your child.

I cant lock my kids in the cupboard if I were to meet someone who wanted attention. I have to work my life around the kids. That's it. Not much to ask is it that they stick to a weekly visit?

Unless im mistaken, being a parent means to sacrifice your own feelings for the good of your child.

Pity some fathers dont seem to share the same opinion.

Ate Mon 28-Jul-08 21:02:37

DTM It will pass, just like every other moment of turbulance you've suffered ('scuse me if I'm making assumptions based on my own esperiencesation WRT turbulance!)

You're in a better place now than you were when you were with someone who had the capacity to treat you like that.

I wish I could say something useful about the way he's treating your DS but would only descend into a rant about the way so many men seem to take parenting as an optional passtime, etc. Gits.

Ate Mon 28-Jul-08 21:04:07

*...on my own experiences WRT! (?!)

davidtennantsmistress Mon 28-Jul-08 21:13:15

yes I know it will pass already has somewhat - I blow up and calm down a lot.

shy - I get what you're saying about the relationships thing - thing is thou i'm seeing someone and he knows DS comes first - he knows he doesn't ring me during the day cos I have my attention on DS, and to come after 7pm when he's in bed - he knows I can't see him of a w.e unless X is having him as I won't sacrifice DS for him (basically!) lol.

I always thought being a parent meant your child came first - their well being, you going without to provide for your child, giving them everything first and you having what's left. (and of course all of the lovely cuddles in bed first thing! wink)

I find it so frustrating that he can do as he wants while i'm stuck at home with a child - even if I am studying for an OU course, and keeping DS well balanced, & trying to have a relationship (possibly - strong possibility) with a nice man who seems to adore me?!?

davidtennantsmistress Tue 29-Jul-08 08:33:36

feeling a bit better today but still a bit teary.

I did ask MIL if she still wants us up there on fri - (only over night) and she said 'course we do silly moo you're always welcome you're our daughter in law still ain't ya???' - might be now and suits them now until XH takes her up there then DS/I - not so bothered about me tbh as I don't need their crap, but DS will be forgotten about as his contact with his father's already falling by the wey side.

guess my family will just have to over compensate for it.

NotDoingTheHousework Tue 29-Jul-08 09:00:18

Message withdrawn

davidtennantsmistress Tue 29-Jul-08 10:12:02

I know I shouldn't listen to it/him etc. just grates me is all. althou he's finally admitted to being with her after over a year of denying it!!

I remember your thread about your X - what a nobend. what is it with these men??

have decided to tell XH when we next speak he shapes up with regards to DS or not to bother - I said i'd never stop him seeing his son (which i'll stnad by - any time he wants - but I also said I wouldn't stand to have DS messed about) - which to me means set times to see him & call him. I know he's only 2.5 and phone calls don't mean a right lot but that's not the point surely?? he can't got for 3 weeks to a month at a time with no contact in between - doesn't even bother to ring me and ask how his son is??!!

I know I shouldn't get hurt by it - and thinking about it today with the woman in europe for over a year, DS will prob get more attention from his dad, but call me a sceptic (or maybe just call me a woman who knows how XH works) he will have said they're a couple etc to 'keep' her while she's abroad - a way to control her iycwim - i'm surprised he didn';t ask her not to go, thing is thou she clearly has no morals he neither so it will all end in tears. he's better off controlling her than he is me - if they do last in a few years i've no doubt he'll wear her down as well - she's welcome to him!

NotDoingTheHousework Tue 29-Jul-08 10:25:50

Message withdrawn

davidtennantsmistress Tue 29-Jul-08 16:45:28

that's the issue I ahve on balance XH is screwed up from his own parents handling it all badly - the split and consequence visits etc - so far XH is turning out the exact same was as his dad - funny thing is thou XH & MIL can't see it - but I can as plain as dad he's doing the exact same things. I will not have DS's emotional well being etc compromised.

piratecat Tue 29-Jul-08 20:49:56

i'm sorry dtm, it's not easy to be clear on something one minute, and then you just get so upset the next,

change is so very hard in my exp. my ex (who i prob still love in many ways) has totally oustedmy dd from his life, and that hurts terribly.

picking up the bits causes such rage and injustice.

Everyone is allowed to have a shgit time, a down time, I am having one atm too.

hope you get to read this and i send ((((hugs)))) your way.

take care

davidtennantsmistress Wed 30-Jul-08 09:00:57

thanks pc.

xh rang last night, and said he's not ringing cos he's making it easier for me - as then if he can't ring one day DS won't mind instead of not settling???

so he was basically saying it's better for me he's a shit father I guess - well er tbh it's better for me if he's not a father at all. still anyhow, I ended the conversation as we were going around in circles at the end with him saying apparently this woman knows the score, and it won't effect DS - too bloody right it won't do.

all of my family keep saying if he has another family he'll forget about DS and be happy with his 'new family' - which tbh would suit me just fine in a lot of ways.

fawkeoff Wed 30-Jul-08 13:55:56

i think its shit that they are saying that to you TBH..........look if EZ twat bag wants to fail his son and be more interested in a piece of skirt then he will have to answer to him as he grows up.You are worth more than that shit bag and so is your son x dnt waste ur tears babe x

davidtennantsmistress Wed 30-Jul-08 15:09:13

exactly fawks - all i'm focused on is making sure DS knows me/my family are all there for him all of us he can go to (and always will know this). I have NEVER bad mouthed XH around DS, and I won't allow my family to do it either cos at the end of the day he's still someone I spent 1/3 or my life with, and he's still my sons dad, regardless of what a twat he is.

I won't defend him to DS thou anymore, if |DS asks i'll say daddy's busy etc or whatever but I will not defend him and say he'd be here if he could etc.

TwoIfBySea Wed 30-Jul-08 20:49:16

I think how we feel has to do with the injustice. Here are these men who walk out on their responsibilities and there are women out there happy to step into shoes before we have taken them off even. I (can't speak for the rest of you so please say yea or nay) wanted him to fall flat on his face, to suffer like he made my dts suffer and me suffer.

God does that make sense even - probably not!

It has been just over one year since ex-dh walked out on us and now he has new gf and their baby and although I wouldn't take him back if he was covered in chocolate and handing out gold bars I still feel this...well I could totally empathise with your initial post DTM.

You are doing the same with your ds as I am doing with my dts and it doesn't take long for them to realise that even though he is their father that doesn't mean he is a particularly nice person. Dts1 actually said to me a few weeks ago "When daddy leaves A will we have to look after the baby?"

Note: he said when, not if. It is surprising how a 6 1/2 year old shows more maturity that his own father.

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