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and the reason i heard nothing

(23 Posts)
piratecat Mon 28-Jul-08 17:06:43

he sent me a text saying ' I didn't mean to mess you around I met someone that weekend after we spoke. Someone I like alot, and am not the sort of person to play silly games with 2 girls.'

1. i m not a girl

2. nob off you spinless wanker

zippitippitoes Mon 28-Jul-08 17:12:05

he has sent you a text now?

well you are better off without him anyway as he sounds like he is a bit of a tosser

youcannotbeserious Mon 28-Jul-08 17:14:36

Sounds like a lucky escape.

I think your point 2 sounds spot on!!

allgonebellyup Mon 28-Jul-08 17:15:13

oh god

sorry to hear that

sounds like bit of a twat

i just pulled someone at the weekend, he was v good looking and funny, but i wouldnt sleep with him so he buggered off. hmm

piratecat Mon 28-Jul-08 17:16:37

yes you are right. i don't want to feel needy and like I 'need' to have someone in my life.

He should have been honest before this tho.

i think lucky escape too.

Can't help feeling lonlier and uglier than ever tho.

allgonebellyup Mon 28-Jul-08 17:20:11

its the feeling of rejection

i get it from time to time, after one of my flings dumps me!

zippitippitoes Mon 28-Jul-08 17:24:13

i am needy

i do like someone in my life

i dontg think i can talk myself out of that tbh

is it really bad?

zippitippitoes Mon 28-Jul-08 17:25:15

and you arent ugly or any suich thing shock

let him hurt someone elses feelings and feel lucky you didnt get involved

piratecat Mon 28-Jul-08 18:25:25

i don't know zippi, being dumped by your dh, and then constantly feeling like you are allowed no opinions on your dd's welfare, just makes me lose confidence in who i am at times.

I meant that i didn't want to be needy, that i shuold be ok on myown, but i am not ok on my own. I know it's not a bad thing to want to love, but i dared to put myself out there, and i got burnt. I feel a mixture of things, i guess and just need time to sort thru it.

I won't ever give up on being me. i dunno i am just feeling hard done by i suspect.

for god's sake it's 3 yrs since my ex left, and i though i was all strong, and able to cope with rejection form this guy. I htik the thing is for me that he wasn't upfront and honest when it needed to be said. I hate that i really do.

I have to be brave and strong every day for me and dd, and I just wish someone would do the same for me, even if it was to give me news i wouldn't really like.

i feel all confused and feel i want to escape somehow, escape myslef, esacpe soemthing.


piratecat Mon 28-Jul-08 18:26:41

oh god i sound fucked. i fear depression taking hold, and i think i am not coping as well as i thought.

ninah Mon 28-Jul-08 19:18:24

At least he told you. Now you can move on to better things! Don't take it personally, hard I know.

bignutbrownhare Mon 28-Jul-08 19:50:56

Do you have a history of depression Piratecat? I only ask because it seems to be a constant theme on here and people talk about ADs as though they were talking about a cup of coffee. I really get what you say about being brave and strong every day for your dd, I am doing the same, and sometimes it feels as though you have the weight of the world on your shoulders while everyone else has it easy and doesn't have a clue what you're going through. This week I was going to have to sell my car (mine and dd's home might be next sad) and the day I took it to be valued, I crashed it, so now I have an unsaleable car and am looking at a bill of around £500 to repair it. That did push me over the edge a bit and, with a lot of other crap going on (every dwindling bank account, xp being a twat, loneliness) - never fucking rains but it pours - I have worried about sinking into depression, but I think I'm just pissed off at the way things are going for me at the moment and one smile/kiss/laugh/cuddle from dd makes it all bearable. I think the mantra 'this too will pass' is one worth remembering. That and allowing yourself to dream of a better future for you and your dd. Oh, and plenty of (cheap) wine and chocolate. Hugs to you and all of us who are struggling to bring our babies up alone. We're all stronger than we think and doing a better job than we think.

piratecat Mon 28-Jul-08 20:33:18

i have a very long history of depression yes.

i am going tp put dd t bed now, but just wamted to say, your post made me think. Sometimes when we have depression, it is so scary thinking, 'i am feelingthis way becuase i have depression' like we arenot allowed to be really down or up without giving it a name.

i HAVe to have a mantra, you are so right. Self belief, self worth, i mean noone's going to do it for me are they.


bignutbrownhare Mon 28-Jul-08 21:42:34

Your self belief and self worth should be rooted in the fact that you are bringing up a beautiful dd and doing a great job all on your own, I don't think there's anyone stronger than single mums (or single dads who do the full time parenting). It's tough, it's frustrating, it's lonely and it's scary, but it's also so rewarding and fulfilling and, to my mind, the most beautiful, balanced and joyful relationship you can have. My dd is only 14 months and I've been split from her dad for 6 months. I have been despairing, had days when it's all been too much and I've wondered if I can cope, but I always think, 'hey tomorrow could be better, and if it's not, maybe the next day will be'. I'm by no means an optimist (actually, I'm a miserable old cow!) and I know nothing about depression tbh, but I think, maybe, it might be possible to make the choice to allow yourself to feel bad and think 'shit, I'm feeling bad, and no wonder', and not necessarily feel that you're on the slippery slope to depression again?

gillybean2 Tue 29-Jul-08 08:15:25

BHBH is right. When I went to the doctor about my sleeping problem she said 'you sound depressed'. I said 'well wouldn't you be if you had to live the life i do'! I know that my life is tough and a small knock can really set me back. But I also know I don't need anti depressants, I just need some support to get me through the harder times and to remember that while today might be a bad day tomorrow might just be a better one.

PC - Don't take any notice of the spineless wonder. He would only have brought you down and he wasn't worthy of you. Try and remember that people are selling themselves to you at the start and so they're not going to be entirely honest for fear you won't want the 'goods'. Be clear about what you want and stick to it. If he wasn't the honest kind then you would have dumped him anyway as soon as you found out right? So you've saved yourself precious time and even more unset in the long run. I know it feels horrible now, but it would have been far worse in 2 or more months time.

Having someone to love can be great, but only if they love and respect you too. Otherwise you just end up being even more miserable and that is seriously bad for your dc.

It's very hard being rejected and right now you feel very down, but you will be ok, and you will be free for the right person when they come along too!

Take care

davidtennantsmistress Tue 29-Jul-08 08:30:54

exactly gilliy - I hate it when the dr says oh you sound depressed - and as you say - it's a case of well yes wouldn't you bloody well be. but like you am determined not to go on AD's - I can do this myself - (with the help of the gym!)

pirate - have you tried that at all - I find it really really helps, it's my one thing I have all for me, a luxury but I think it stops me getting depressed and it's true keeping active starves off depression. the amount of times i've gone in feeling crap and come out feeling tonnes better.

the man sadly isn't worthy of you - and certainly not your love. it's hurting now as a) rejection's never nice no matter how old you are, and b) he's the first chap to have turned your head in a long long time.

Chalk this one down to experience and get out there again when you feel ready.

piratecat Tue 29-Jul-08 10:22:48

thankyou so much for understanding. It's hard to feel down about someone new, iyswim. Um what i mean is, i am used to feeling anger/upset about ex dh, that's a familiar obstacle, but this new expereince, like you say after solong hasn't been nice.
A feeling of, i want to get back in my box now has overcome me today.

I woke at 3.00, just couldn#t sleep, and rang my best mate abroad. We were onthe phone for about and hour, luckily she is 4 hours behind time wise!

I thank heaven it's the holidays now, as there will be no awkwardness. I need to lick my wounds, and start again.

I will think about what's been sais, how one person's treatment of you doesn't define who you are.

fransmom Tue 29-Jul-08 12:13:27


i am sorry i don't have time to reply to you properly, am on the library computer again as can't afford own internet atm. will be thinking of you today sweetheart xxx

misi Tue 29-Jul-08 15:20:02

its a strange thing is dating and finding someone new after being so close to someone else that has hurt you.
I myself, find it difficult too. a year after I split with my XP, I found, on one of my courses a gorgeous young trainer herbalist who was taking a distillation class. she was 16 years younger than me but she made it obvious she was interested. we did go out for around 6 months in the end, with her saying she loved me which was great, but then one day when I found myself saying I loved her, I froze and thought back to how I had been torn apart by my XP. I rue that day as I lost someone special as I couldn't face another rejection, even though there was no hint of rejection, just some young gorgeous woman wanting to love me. after another near 2 years, I have realised that my own perceptions of who I am had been damaged and clouded by my XP who had gone out of her way to destroy me as a person. I am sure piratecat that you are a wonderful person but you just have to realise it. every person is unique and has their own special qualities. think about you and no one else. I made that mistake by super imposing what my XP did to me onto others who were nothing like my XP and I lost out dearly. When you realise how much you are worth to yourself and to others, will others realise it too. I am only just thinking about looking again although my son is in 2 minds what he thinks about me getting a girlfriend. he wants a brother and sister but not sure about me having a GF grin hmmmm, tricky that one!!

piratecat Tue 29-Jul-08 19:57:06

wow misi, it's great to hear from you, and see it too, the other way round.

It will be a serious matter of trust forme to EVER contemplate opening up again.

I really don't mind that he wasn't interested enough to persue it, or that he has soemone else. Thas just byproducts to me, after having had a marriage tron apart, and ex now re married. I am just floored by his insincerity, i just don't get it EVEN after al i have been thru withthe father of my child, with hearing other's stories, i don't get how people can be so bloody cowardly and mean.

My dd want an older sister, HOW am i supposed to do that?? grin

misi Tue 29-Jul-08 20:16:33

an older sister huh? hmm, you will just have to invent a time machine then and sort yourself out that way grin
that is my problem, trust, not just in the other person but trust in myself too as that was taken away from me along with everything else. not knowing your story piratecat, I am sure though that one day soon you will wake up and think, what the hell and take a chance, I am hoping to do the same one day. other than that you must learn to like yourself before you can even begin to love yourself and love someone else. other people being cowardly and mean is a sad fact of life today. some of the time it is because they have no other idea how to behave. the smaller the world gets, the more socially inept the people become. but anyway pirate cat, take a break, think about you and what you want, and then go for a man that is totally different to any other you have ever been interested in, break the cycle with a leap of faith and never look back!!

mamalovesmojitos Tue 29-Jul-08 21:00:31

excellent post gilly.

pmsl at older sister! "

lucylue Wed 30-Jul-08 21:34:27

sorry for you situation piratecat.
i believe you will meet someone that will love you in return.
now you have the experience of the old ones, use this experience in every aspect in the future when you building up a new relationship so you wont get hurt again.
i know it is hard to look for someone when you have a child, because you dont want them to get hurt as well, but it helps you in a way to choose the right person for you.
and i agree with all misi said.
good luck to you.

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