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did any of you Lone Parents split willingly from your DP, only to later regret it?

(16 Posts)
boozybird Sat 26-Jul-08 17:59:58

i am thinking abour separating, (we both are) and am looking through some of the posts here and finding it a bit terrifying. our situation isn't the worst in the world, we just don't really love each other and have little in common. i feel like life would be much easier if we were to separate, but there's stuff on here i hadn't even thought about.

would any of you say you regretted splitting, having made the decision to do so?

is it super hard on the kids? i have just one ds, 2yo, so worried about the impact on him if we do...

fawkeoff Sat 26-Jul-08 18:39:14

me and my ex decided to split up nearly 4 months ago......and im so glad i did.
I have 2dc and they have adapted to it really well, i dont think there is much point wasting your life with someone you are not in love with ....there will be bumps along the road and you will soon find that he will change so much you wont even believe you had a child with him.

dawnie1979 Sat 26-Jul-08 22:27:04

I left my kids dad just over a year ago regreted it for a while went away on holiday and remember all the reasons I am better off alone even working far too much to pay bills but I am lucky enough to fit it around the kids so them loads just dont sleep too much

Take care

MuthaHubbard Sun 27-Jul-08 09:45:50

same as fawke, me and my ex split in Jan and two dc have adapted really well and taken it totally in their stride. Things are amicable, we get on better now as friends than before.

know it's a cliche but life really is too short, why waste it with someone who makes you unhappy?

If you feel you've tried to make it work, then there is no shame in admitting that it's over - which is sometimes the hardest part.

boozybird Sun 27-Jul-08 10:08:25

thanks for that. Mutha, you've got it in one... it's admitting it's over that i'm struggling with - no one wants to be the one to 'give in'...

anyway, giving it one more go! (again)

Pinkchampagne Sun 27-Jul-08 11:14:47

Agree totally with MuthaHubbard. I got to a stage where I had tried & tried & knew things would never change. I didn't want to waste anymore of my life in an unhappy marriage, so we separated.
The process wasn't easy at all (had to live together for nearly a year while house sold & had little family support), but I am so pleased I went through with it.

I struggled with my eldest sons behaviour at first (he was nearly 8 at the time), but they seem happy enough having their two houses now. They see lots of their dad, and like Mutha, I get on better with my ex now we are no longer together!

I have a lovely boyfriend now, who I am very happy with. I look at ex H & feel nothing for him at all. Splitting from him was definitely the right thing to do.

shelleylou Sun 27-Jul-08 11:32:04

I dont regret leaving my sons dad, i just regret not doing it sooner. Ds was only tiny when we did split, well not tiny but 9months. We are both a lot happier now and i hear very little of xp and dont see him now. If he has ds in a few weeks time that will be intresting then as hes got to get him from my parents. Him not wanting to see me is nothing to do with the split just 2 events from a weekend he stayed here.

aiden Fri 01-Aug-08 00:30:38

i split with ex before i found out i was pregnant. when i told him about pregnancy he was estactic, wanted to get married, i said no and that is still his excuse for his lack of rel with dd.

i can't even get him to register his details on birth certificate. dd is 1 next week and so far he has seem her a grand total of 6 times. his excuse at first was he was heart broken, needed time to sort himself out, then it was he was working too hard, too many hrs. when i ask about maintenance he volunteered to pay (and never have), he says he doesn't have any money.

so to reiterate; he doesn't see dd because he's working too much but pays nothing towards her care cos he doen't have any money!!!

to be honest he's doing exactly what i expected him to do; sweet FA.

when i was pregnant and he was supposedly wooing me back (showing me what a responsible adult he is and all), he missed every single ante-natal class, hospital appointment, baby shopping ect. i did all that by myself so no i don't regret dumping him.

he says he 'loves' her to bits, and is 'trying', but there is always an excuse. each time he disappears for a couple of months, 'it's not his fault' 'he has things to sort out', 'he has changed', and will do this and that. ## the really sad thing is that he beleives it when he says these things. even sadder i used to believe him and give him yet another chance to screw up (for dd sake, and my own - it is tough being a lone parent)

what i do regret is having a child with him cos i think it is hugely uunfair on dd, who have missed on developing a rel witht the one guy tht is supposed to love more than anything in the world.

so this a little long, but it pisses me off so much when i think about him.

charliecat Fri 01-Aug-08 00:51:39

I have been on my own with 2 dds for just over a year.
The only thing I regret is not trying to fix it before it was well and truely broken.

PurpleOne Fri 01-Aug-08 01:42:25

I've been divorced from exh for 6 years now. Life is much better, although it is hard. DD's were 3 and 5 when we split. Noe they are 13 and 10 and fiesty kids.
My exh tells me he loves them to bits too. But pays hardly anything, splashes the cash around in fornt of dd's...but when it's time for me to go out he always sabotages it.
I split willingly and no regrets. I always knew that tosser was a damn liar...and he's telling the kids the same spiel too. And so is his wife.... sad

KerryMum Fri 01-Aug-08 02:21:28

I haven't had sex in over 4 years.

nonetheless throwing xdh out was the best thing I could have done.

Flightputsonahat Fri 01-Aug-08 07:07:05

It sounds like you're struggling to make a decision - I didn't have this really, the first one left me, and the second was a complete tw*t so there was no way I could stay with him smile

Hard to know what to say.

All I know is that the first time I thought I would die when we split up, would have clung to his ankles as he left really, but now a few years later I'm bloody glad I'm not with him as I can see what a damaged person he really was.

Second time I never regretted it even for half a second, but he wasn't very nice.

There are things it is worth considering, I would write a long list of all the factors and see where it takes you.

I would guess that children are happier if 1) you can remain friendly with your ex partner even after breaking up, 2) it was a mutual decision and you are both happier, and 3) you are fighting a lot when together, and think you will fight less when apart.

Good luck making the decision, it isn't usually an easy one.

SuperSillyus Fri 01-Aug-08 07:26:56

I split from my first husband 16 years ago. It was harder and more painfull than I thought it would be in the long run. But we got through it.
I still feel a little sad about it, but I don't regret it, it is part of who I am.

We are good friends now and I am remarried. My marriage now probably has more problems than the first but we are both determined to make it work. There's plenty there worth fighting for. I agree it is good to address problems at an early stage if possible.

allgonebellyup Fri 01-Aug-08 07:35:22

ME ME ME!

I DO regret it, but only because i still loved him when i asked him to leave, we had been having loads of money-related arguments and i lost it, and told him to leave.
I left it 2 months before i asked him to come back, then he said NO.

Now he lives with his new woman and their newborn baby, all in the space of 11 months. sad

SuperSillyus Fri 01-Aug-08 07:43:33

that's sad allgonebellyup, I hope you meet someone amazing and then you won't regret it anymore.

allgonebellyup Fri 01-Aug-08 08:29:40

Me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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