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When you started getting serious with a new man.........

(25 Posts)
fairyfly Tue 08-Feb-05 18:15:13

did anyone find it quite suffocating after being alone? I am starting to find the fact that he knows everything quite annoying, i have managed without anyone. I get this feeling i am supposed to act dumb for a while as not to hurt his male pride so he can teach me things. Perhaps its just him. Perhaps i'm just an ungrateful moody sod. Whichever way, i have started to want to have an argument with him. but biting my tongue. Are all men patronising to women or do i have a huge chip on my shoulder.

Beetroot Tue 08-Feb-05 18:17:23

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MancMum Tue 08-Feb-05 18:19:22

Without answering your questions directly, you sound to me like you have come to the end of your relationship.... you would not feel this way with the right person - sorry if that is not what you want to hear....

fairyfly Tue 08-Feb-05 18:23:40

Nope i think you may have a point mancmum, it was forecast i was fickle and i should have listened.

Beetroot, i cant explain anything, i asked him to leave as i knew if i tried to tell him we would argue. I forget this but he has a huge ego and needs to tell people the way things are. Constantly thriving off people saying wow ff's man your so in tune with women.
I'm not ready, men still bug the crap out of me.
Obviously.

Moomina Tue 08-Feb-05 18:25:40

FF, you've been through a lot - doesn't mean you should throw in the towel though, does it? I don't know though - you do just seem very happy when you're happy IYKWIM

Beetroot Tue 08-Feb-05 18:29:23

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HappyMumof2 Tue 08-Feb-05 18:31:19

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fairyfly Tue 08-Feb-05 18:34:06

So........... do you think being highly irritated by a man , up to the point you can't stand being touched by them (not all the time, just when your in that mood) is a normal relationship thing. Or, have i just gone off him. Or, am i full of pmt and nothing will work.
Tell me you get like this with your men!

Moomina Tue 08-Feb-05 18:36:11

Do you think it makes a difference that you haven't had that 'getting to know you' stage? Is it going too fast perhaps?

FWIW, I think it's totally normal to get hugely irritated by men...

Beetroot Tue 08-Feb-05 18:36:41

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fairyfly Tue 08-Feb-05 18:37:27

Mumof2, i probably am being sexist but for him to walk in my life and start telling me the way things are, up to the point he even advises me about my children is really annoying. TBH i think he also turned up at my house today for a quickie and i was knee deep in chores. Trying to feel me as i'm mopping the floor. I wanted to stick his face in the bucket.

vict17 Tue 08-Feb-05 18:38:11

My dh irritates the hell out of me at times but I think any man would

fairyfly Tue 08-Feb-05 18:38:25

Enjoy tonight? I will, i'm alone.

Beetroot Tue 08-Feb-05 18:39:23

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fairyfly Tue 08-Feb-05 18:42:40

Do they all know everything???????????/

I cancelled it

noddyholder Tue 08-Feb-05 18:42:55

sounds like pmt its not his fault he annoys you sometimes you probably annoy him too at times but love overrides this except once a month!!!!!!!

emmatmg Tue 08-Feb-05 18:49:09

<So........... do you think being highly irritated by a man , up to the point you can't stand being touched by them (not all the time, just when your in that mood) is a normal relationship thing.>


Yes and we had our 6th wedding anniversary at the weekend.

Maybe just slowing things down (alot or a little) will make things better.

fairyfly Tue 08-Feb-05 19:01:42

i was just as diplomatic as possible. I got an apology, which i appreciate i don't deserve as i am the one being a pita.

I asked if i could have some space for a few days, he said ring if i need him to do anything. That sums it up he wants to do things for me. Thats how he feels useful. Do they all do that?

JanH Tue 08-Feb-05 19:21:59

FF, if it helps (prob not!) DD2 has been with her boyfriend (he is 24) for over a year and he does her head in with his patronising "looking after you" crap. Every now and then they have a big row and clear the air. And she is only 19 and has no kids so I can imagine how it feels to you.

If he will graciously give you some space then that will help. Although he has known you for so long he really doesn't know who you are now. He will learn!

fairyfly Tue 08-Feb-05 19:32:29

Do you know what i just remembered, years ago he said to me i love it when your sad as it means i can look after you and you need me. Bloody hell we're completely incompatable.

Also when i tell him something, he tells me a week after as if it is his knowledge iykwim

Grrrrr

First domestic


On the horizon

Honeymoon


Over

JanH Tue 08-Feb-05 19:37:21

FF, he doesn't??????

Manager of Sainsburys (aged 40+) does that to DS1 (aged 16) - does his head in - nonononono, he has got to stop that right now (your one, not the manager) it's an impossible 'abit!

fairyfly Tue 08-Feb-05 19:59:08

he always does it, he even told me how to make a bloody canvas the other day, i mean ffs

and he's just lost his job........

god i'm turned on

karenanne Wed 09-Feb-05 14:02:46

i found it hard sometimes when i was with exdp.lol.ive only been a lone parent since sept but i know when ex is here seeing kids i find it hard him telling them what and what not to do and hes their dad.lol

i think everyone needs their own space each day to keep them sane ..i know i do.but if youre a lone parent then i imagine having someone there to share it with does tkae some getting used to again.

the thing you need to think about is is this going to become a bigger issue as time goes on or is it just you finding it hard to adapt to becoming a couple again.
if its an increasing issue then perhaps the poster further down was right and hes not the one for you.

from personal experience ive found most men grab a quick feel when they think theyve got a chance.lol

Beetroot Wed 09-Feb-05 15:07:25

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Listmaker Wed 09-Feb-05 15:22:54

I've been on my own for nearly 5 years and was really very happy that way and couldn't really see how I would fit a man in around my dds and into my life and thought it probably wasn't worth it. Especially as most relationships I'd been in had caused me more pain than pleasure.

Then amazingly I met someone 4 months ago and he has not irritated me once in any serious way at all. He makes me feel wonderful and loved and cherished and not at all annoyed or patronised or needy. He loves me being so independent and 'sorted' as he puts it.

So when it's right it really is easy and changing my life for him has been really painless so far and we're moving quite slowly as we have 5 dds between us so we have to. I would never have believed this possible.

What I'm trying to say (I think!) is that you should give it some time - it could be just teething problems and it will seem different in a day or two. But if it doesn't feel quite right then maybe you should trust that instinct because it is much better to be on your own than trying to make something work for the sake of being with someone. I was ready emotionally for this (no hang ups about exes etc) and wasn't looking for it which makes it more magical and amazing.

I know I don't post very often but I do lurk a lot and have been following your story FF and hope you can be happy!

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