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We had a baby, how could he treat me like this.

(14 Posts)
yummymummyat23 Tue 22-Jul-08 18:07:37

I have just found out that my boyfriend has been texting another girl, naughty texts if you will.
It's not the first time he has done it. I have decided that this is the final straw, because i want my little girl to grow up knowing that every woman deserves respect and to be treated right.

It's just now i feel very alone, i cry and i'm so hurt that he could do this to me.
I was at home looking after our baby and he was off doing his thing and trying to get with other people, i just feel humiliated. blush

It's hard because i have to see him all the time and he is constantly telling me how much he loves me and wants to get back with me.

It's all really hard at the moment and i don't know how to stop myself falling in to depression. Can anyone offer any advice to me?

BandofMothers Tue 22-Jul-08 18:10:38

If you really think that it would have led to an affair then you are better out now, before he actually cheats on you, that would be so much worse. Be strong, tell yourself you got out just in time, and tell him if he really loved you then he wouldn't be trying to get in someone else's knickers and to grow up.

You are absolutely right that you deserve to be treated right, with respect and love, and so does your dd.

Hecate Tue 22-Jul-08 18:10:47

I'm sorry for you. Advice? To be honest I think you need to not make any decisions right away. Give yourself some time and space. You are raw. Let him concentrate on proving himself as a father for now. Maybe tell him that if he really wants to get back together, he has to give you all the time you need and you will clear your head and decide what you want.

WeeBesom Tue 22-Jul-08 18:13:48

I am so sorry that you are going through this. How old is your wee baby? Do you have much support from family and friends?

I'm not the best person to advise really, my dp and I have not been getting on for some time but I am too weak to leave him.

You will find it hard for some time but you know that you can get through this. Get out as much as you can as it makes things worse when you are stuck in all the time.

Hope someone with better advice comes along for you, just wanted to wish you strength to get through this xx

charlotte121 Tue 22-Jul-08 19:03:07

yummy its hard at first but if he is doing this then chances are hes doing other stuff behind your back too.

I got sick and tired of finding dirty pictures on my ex's phone of himself (that he had been sending to someone) and of girls that had sent pics to him. There were also numerous messages and im sure he must have been cheating on me the whole way through our relationship.

I now know im much better off without him. Me and my 2 kids can move on with our lives. I think the hardest part is being a single young mum as most of your friends dont understand what your going through and are out having fun most of the time. Just take advantage of you mates that will come to you... keep your self busy and keep chatting on here. You'll get through it.
best wishes. char x

prettyfly1 Tue 22-Jul-08 21:10:47

hey there - i went thru something similiar (nights with the ex and was online on dirty sites) it really really hurts but you will get thru.

What support have you got - it really helps to have a fw key people you trust and maybe try and find something you can do for you - not easy i know. How old is your baby?

Keep chatting and come and talk to us whenever you like - most of us have had a hard time one way or another.

hugs
kirst
x

WeeBesom Wed 23-Jul-08 09:46:38

How are you today YM?

yummymummyat23 Wed 23-Jul-08 11:01:48

Wow, Thank you to every one that replied!

It's just very hard because i am finding it very hard to lose the baby weight (not to mention what i put on after dd was born!)

It's just awful because i feel like he did it because i have out on the weight. Maybe he wasn't attracted to me any more?!

I feel a bit better today but it's so hard to see him all the time and he's constant texting.

I'm 23 and my dd is 14months now, none of my friends have babies. So it's hard.

The only time he is a good father is when he is sorry about doing something he souldn't!

fawkeoff Wed 23-Jul-08 17:21:05

look you putting on weight has fuck all to do with it.......he is just a nob head.

he is not good enough for YOU so dont entertain it.

i have been single for 3 months, i have 2 beautiful children and i am soooooooo glad im out of it....not 1 regret because i can be ME and i dont have to answer to anyone.

My conscience is clear....dont really know about his hmm but i dont give a shit

like charlotte121 im studying at the moment......he hated that i aspire to be anything but a SAHM, not that there is anything wrong with it.......

you wil be hurting right now...but it will go and he will be the sorry one

littlewoman Thu 24-Jul-08 12:03:15

Sweetheart, what you see as your precious beautiful child, some men see as a millstone round their necks.

He is not fit (in his current state) to be a partner and a parent. You will carry him, and do all the work, whilst he swans around being single, and coming home for his tea and a shag when there's nothing better to do.

If you want to get back with him, that's your decision, I don't blame you.

But how are you going to make sure he grows up first?

Lay some ground rules.

"No going out at night without you.
Time together at the weekend as a family.
No mobile phone for him".
Whatever rules will work to make you happy and secure.

If he loves you, as he says, he will comply with your wishes. If he doesn't agree, tell him to jump. He's a scratcher, and is wasting your time till he finds something better.

yummymummyat23 Fri 25-Jul-08 11:47:55

Little woman i totally agree with you, everything you say is right. I did lay down these rules last time he did this to me (Which was only a month and a half ago) and still he choose to do what he wants.

He was over yesterday and i told him firmly that the best we can hope for now is to be friends. sad To be honest this was something i hoped i would never have to say to him and it broke my heart to say it.

What i want him to do is stop thinking about his dick and concentrate on being a good father to Emma.

To be honest every one that has replied to my thread had given me courage to tell him that what he is offering me, isn't quite good enough.

cantseemyfeet Mon 28-Jul-08 00:53:31

OMG Sweetheart,

You have described my ex perfectly.

I caught him over and over again texting other women, his ex wife and he wasted hundreds ringing sex chat lines.

Every time he was caught I got the tears, the bull "im sorry, i love you, please give me one more chance"

I would give him another chance and he would be great, he would make an effort with the kids, help me more.Then within weeks he would go back to being useless then I would catch him doing it again.

When I finally had enough he text and text and rang none stop. To start with he was begging for another chance, ringing to see how I was then when that didnt work he turned nasty and sent messages calling me a slag!! ME A SLAG?? I wasnt the one trying to get my end away with his nutty ex!!

Every time I took him back, I thought he would change and he had learnt his lesson. He never did because he knew (well he thought he did) that I would keep forgiving him. Getting rid of the rat was a weight of my shoulders but he is always going to be there because of children (well when it suits him anyway)

It wasnt easy, I constantly questioned myself wondering if I was doing the right thing but I was a wreck constantly checking his phone and quizzing mates when he had a night out. I couldnt trust him and I was beginning to get really paranoid.It was no way to live and I knew it would never change.

I know how hard it is so dont beat yourself up whatever decision you make, but make sure it is the right decision for you and your DC NOT because he is hounding you.

Good Luck let me know how you get on.

madamez Mon 28-Jul-08 01:18:10

It's much better to be alone than to be in an unhappy relationship. that's the first thing to believe in. The second thing is to think about your dd' father in a new way: he's not your partner, he's your co-parent. So judge him and treat him as a co-parent ie how good is he with dd? Allow him access, as much access as possible (because bringing up children is hard and you need time off) and deal with him only in terms of what's best for your dd. Also, treating him like this - as though he doesn't matter to you and you are doing fine alone - helps you to feel that way, fine, and strong, and happily single. Best of luck.

mamalovesmojitos Mon 28-Jul-08 21:42:47

fab post madamez, and everything i wanted to say.

yummymummy i've been there, and i can tell you now it is true - it is better to be single.

good luck with everything.

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