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Is it good for you to stay friends with a man you want to be more than friends with?!

(43 Posts)
BobDowne Sun 20-Jul-08 11:47:01

I've met a lovely man through internet dating. Trouble is he only wants to be friends, but friends with cuddles in bed(literally just cuddles!)
Now i like him a lot and he knows i would like to be more than friends but he's made it clear it's not going to be more. He still wants to meet up, still rings several times a week, still makes suggestive comments.
I feel this is confusing me, and stopping me from being able to try to meet anyone else. But i do enjoy his company! What do i do for my long term sanity? I hate it that i let my guard down and he knows how i feel about him, it just makes me feel like c**p! Arghh!

Carmenere Sun 20-Jul-08 11:48:45

WTF are you doing entertaining this kind of crap, tell him to move on and you go and find a decent man who desires you.

Dottydot Sun 20-Jul-08 11:48:48

No, no, no, no, no....... He's an arse and not a lovely man if he wants to be friends who cuddle in bed hmm

Ditch immediately and find someone who's not weird and knows what they want.

Dottydot Sun 20-Jul-08 11:49:08

Great minds Carmenere grin

BobDowne Sun 20-Jul-08 11:53:52

Yes you're right it is a bit weird isn't it? Trouble is i feel so undesirable and it's nice to have a bit of attention sometimes.

Dottydot Sun 20-Jul-08 12:08:43

But he's not going to make you feel desirable if he doesn't actually desire you...

You're just making him feel brilliant and you crap - not good.

prettyfly1 Sun 20-Jul-08 12:27:51

get rid he is messing with you and trhriving off your attention whilst giving nothing in return, find someone deserving of your cuddles!

BobDowne Sun 20-Jul-08 12:56:32

I do feel like he's loving the attention tbh. I don't think i'm that much of a munter so he should think himself lucky!
He wanted me to go and visit him (and stay the night) next week when i'm in his part of the world - i said no, i could only meet him during the day - and he seemed a pit put out!
Like what is in it for me exactly?!!!

BobDowne Sun 20-Jul-08 12:57:21

Or even a bit put out...

lou33 Sun 20-Jul-08 13:00:41

there is nothing in it for you, he is using you

and why hang about with someone who makes you feel crap?

bin him off

gillybean2 Sun 20-Jul-08 13:06:35

He gets exactly what he wants from teh relationship, yet you don't get your needs met. That isn't going to change and waiting around in the hope he might suddenlt want you as more than a friend isn't going to happen in reality.

SOmeone once said to me about men 'if he's not into you then he's not into you and that won't change'. I find that has been very true. So find someione who is into you and have the kind of relationship you want with them.

BobDowne Sun 20-Jul-08 13:40:03

thank you all for your replies. I'm feeling stronger now.

Gillybean, I have been thinking he might change his mind, he keeps doing and saying things that make me think he wants it to be more. Then he doesn't. I can't take any more rejection.

Lou, he is using me to massage his ego i think. I need to meet a few new men to explore the possibilities - but i can't be arsed with internet dating now so where do i find them? hmm

singledadofthree Sun 20-Jul-08 22:57:09

have to agree bob - sounds like some kind of weird ego trip for him which must make you feel crap, rejection is never good.

can't see he's any kind of friend doing that so i'd cut him off and move on.

madamez Sun 20-Jul-08 23:03:43

Yuk, bin him. It's always a bit tricky to be 'friends' with someone when one of the parties involved wants more, the horny one gets more and more desperate and the non-horny one eventually feels either guilty or creeped out: the best outcome is that the crush passes and the people just become cheerful friends.
But this bloke is a bit different. This sort of fanjo-teasing behaviour is actually very manipulative and very unhealthy - he is enjoying the fact that he can make you feel mixed up and unhappy. He's obviously got some major issues, but they are not your problem.

Snaf Sun 20-Jul-08 23:14:00

Terrible idea, sorry.

This type of situation will feed his ego and destroy yours. I was in a 'relationship' (ha!) just like this, briefly, several years ago. It was a total ego-trip for the guy and I ended up feeling very, very humiliated and stupid. Let this be a warning to you!

He won't change his mind. Move on to someone who won't play pathetic mindgames.

Spidermama Sun 20-Jul-08 23:15:29

I can't help thinking it would be a blessed relief to find a man who just wants cuddles in bed. blush

charliecat Sun 20-Jul-08 23:39:09

I have a friend, who is, lets say confusedhmm (Hes had men/women and has been celibate for near on 10 years now in his confusion)
When I met him I didnt bloody know this and now, a year later, after a hectic first few months, we are incredibly good mates.
We MSN all the time, meet up once every couple of weeks, our kids get on, we have lovely couple type days out(we laugh about how domesticated we must look when in truth we are both terminally single)...and we fall into bed and...cuddle in.
I have fleeting moments of thinking <phwoar> but it simply IS NOT on the plate, it never was, if only he had told me that to begin with...but he didn't and Ive got over it and its as it is. Which is FINE.
Can you get over the wanting more bit?
Have him as just a friend?

singledadofthree Sun 20-Jul-08 23:48:56

woo hoo charliecat - another hijack - did get up tho a little tired, managed to get rained on watching hockey matches then at a do last night - was a long day.

glad rickman is in and looking for farmer giles.

will look out for you next time i'm on the m25 clutching a big mac

charliecat Sun 20-Jul-08 23:52:32

Oh not another hijack...grin
Im going to stand at junction 9 waiting for you, so I can give you my spare beefburger...dont be too long ay. Wanna get to bed tonight

singledadofthree Sun 20-Jul-08 23:54:35

i looked on the map as my geography is a bit ropey - youre on the wrong side of london!!

tho for an extra burger....mmmm....

piratecat Sun 20-Jul-08 23:55:19

bobdowne, can i just say, blimey i haven't heard of Bob Downe in yrs, saw hin a few times in comedy club in grenwich tho, yrs ago!!!

yes ditch, what a twat.

piratecat Sun 20-Jul-08 23:56:18

you guys, get a room wink

god i am starving now

charliecat Sun 20-Jul-08 23:56:23

I nearly googled where you live but saw Id been blew out already on Nuttys thread[sigh] wink

singledadofthree Sun 20-Jul-08 23:59:38

did think 'eek' when i wrote it, tho i was tired. i used to drive 400 miles+ to see my last gf and it wore me out as well as me poor little corsa...tho i do have my sporty escort now

SparklePrincess Mon 21-Jul-08 00:26:55

What a freak. Ditch him now!

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