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(47 Posts)
fawkeoff Sat 19-Jul-08 13:42:44

so he has informed me that he is getting married to his girlfriend of 2 months.......but this is the cracker, let me explain

When we got together he told me that a girl he had been seeing was pregnant but he didnt think the baby was his
i was only 16 at the time, naive believed him and that was that...........

so since we have split he has got in contact with her and started seeing her and has apparently stopped because SHE HAS FOUND ME ON FACEBOOK.....sent me a huge post

i have seen the little girl on her pics and she is the spitting image of him!!!!!!!


gillybean2 Sat 19-Jul-08 14:23:17

People see what they want to see in children. So many people tell me my ds looks like my dad (blond curly hair, blue eyes etc), but they have no idea I was adopted and so while my ds might have certain characteristics in common with my (adopted) dad it's not through any biological link!

I'm also not sure what your question of 'WHAT DO I DO' is in relation to exactly? So please could you explain what it is you are hoping for advice on?

lulumama Sat 19-Jul-08 14:25:17

ypou think that he has another child ?

fawkeoff Sat 19-Jul-08 14:25:28

what do i do regards contacting her back?????????

fawkeoff Sat 19-Jul-08 14:26:11

i will post wht she has wrote to me

fawkeoff Sat 19-Jul-08 14:28:26

FAWKEOFF its XXXXX u no who i am if u dnt i have got a child 2 TWAT called ellie who will be 7 in 4wks time .me n my partner who has brought ellie up since being 12 months old has been gettin on with our lives then TWAT found me through facebook wanting 2 c ellie ,so i asked ellie and she agreed he seen her twice with my supervision he then turned round and said that ellie wasnt his child,cause someone had told him that ellie wasnt his child he said that he wanted a dna test which i agreed 2 and that was two weeks ago nw i have since tried 2 contact him through the phone and internet and its all dead .could u please tell him that he has fucked all chances of ever seein ellie till she is at least 18 and wants to find the wanker by her self ,also if he as a problem cum n c ste .sorry 2 bother u but i no that u ave regular contact with him .lol

ilovemydog Sat 19-Jul-08 14:29:24

Do you really need to do anything?

A dignified silence may be better?

gillybean2 Sat 19-Jul-08 14:29:30

Well if he's your ex (and without seeing what she's written to you which is probably designed to hurt and upset you but really isn't too relevant in all likelyhood) I would say you ignore it and get on with your life and what is best for your child,

He and she aren't worth the effort really now are they. Don't rise to the bait, that is all it probably is afterall.


lulumama Sat 19-Jul-08 14:30:59

do nothing

not your business any more

block her from facebook and let him carry on messing up all his meanigful relationships

i cannot believe people really use text speak like that, for something so important << old fashioned>>

the child is nothing to do with you ,so i would stay out of it

fawkeoff Sat 19-Jul-08 14:31:11

well i just dont know.....i am pissed off that he has put me in this position......i knew he would do this to her........he is a nob

umberella Sat 19-Jul-08 14:31:48

a trick y one. she is your dc's half sister so perhaps ignoring it isn't wise.

umberella Sat 19-Jul-08 14:32:50

hte child is fawkeoff's dd's half sister lulumama - not nothing to do with her at all.

ThatBigGermanPrison Sat 19-Jul-08 14:33:04

well, I think you should tell him that she has got into contact with you, and if he asks, tell him what she says.

I honestly don't think there is much you can do unfortunately. If people want to act the twunt, they will act the twunt, and until they break the law, there's not much that can stop them

ThatBigGermanPrison Sat 19-Jul-08 14:33:30

Would you like your child to see his other child?

fawkeoff Sat 19-Jul-08 14:33:55

i feel taken aback by it all really......i am stunned that she messaged me!!!!!!!
i would not involve other parties in it.....i have always said he can do what he wants that i was staying out of it

ThatBigGermanPrison Sat 19-Jul-08 14:34:43

Doesn't sound like the ex is trying to stir the shit, to be honest - it sounds like she is one very angry mother with one very hurt child.

You can't ignore the fact that your child has a relative though, Lulumama, I don't agree there.

fawkeoff Sat 19-Jul-08 14:36:25

i know.....this is what i mean, i am going to have to explain to the DCs that they have a sister when they are older.....and i would feel rude not responding to her.......i have told him already about her messaging me.......i mean there is a little girl who is being affected by all of this and its very unfair

lulumama Sat 19-Jul-08 14:36:31

they might be related, but there is no law that says they have to have a relationship...why has this woman suddenly decided that she has to put fawkeoff in the middle.. 7 years without any contact and then this?

will this be a good thing or a bad thing for the children... it is not as simple as saying they are related they must see each other.. two young children need their feelings considering very deeply

umberella Sat 19-Jul-08 14:37:05

you need to be careful how you deal with this so it doesn't cause strife for dd in future. she'll probably run into her half sis at some point and best to try and exercise a bit of damage limitation now if you can imo.

umberella Sat 19-Jul-08 14:38:52

I have a similar situation lulumama -the facts are that these girls might develop a relationship with one another in the future. Best not to make that more painful by aggravating the situation now -particularly as it sounds like they hve enough to contend with, bad dad-wise.

misdee Sat 19-Jul-08 14:39:19


what a predicament. i dont know what to say regarding passin on messages to ex.

but OTOH would you like your kids to meet the girl?

fawkeoff Sat 19-Jul-08 14:55:33

i dont know what i want.......i feel torn by it all......i mean i told him it would be down to him when the kids are older to explain to thenm about his other daughter.....but i just dont know what to feel about it anymore......i mean my children are 5 and they need to know this right now????

prettyfly1 Sat 19-Jul-08 16:02:31

Bloody hell fawke it isnt getting any easier is it mate. What a tosser he is.

Now speaking as someone whos ex denied he existed and messed her kid about, I am afraid i can understand this girls anger,hurt and frustration. Its not your fault but if he isnt listening she may well feel validated in swearing and screaming to anyone who may listen to her. How would you feel if it was your beautiful baby he pretended was not his,then messed around. Take it from me it hurts like sheer hell on earth. Whilst she may not be the most educated girl on the planet quite frankly your ex is a wanker and this girls child is another victim of his self serving need to suit his own ends (or end as the case seems to be).

Therefore in the sense of being the bigger person i would set an example. Email her back, explaining the you understand her frustration and hope her daughter is ok (she is your little ones half sibling after all and therefore an extended part of your family - if they go looking for each other one day you do NOT want to be the one keeping them apart). Explain that you have enough to deal with him yourself but oyu understand her anger and hope it gets resolved. but do not engage with her in slagging him off and if she continues to do so then block her. She hasnt done anything that a great many mothers of kids with dads who just dont seem to do anything other then hurt their children do. Be compassionate but stay out of it.

hope your ok love - hugsxxx

prettyfly1 Sat 19-Jul-08 16:04:45

see mine has a half brother. i chose to tell him. i dont make a big deal of it and he doesnt really ask but he knows. if they choose to find each other one day its up to them.

fawkeoff Sat 19-Jul-08 16:36:58

thanks prettyfly..........i think it was plain stupid for them to introduce him as her real dad!!!!!!!
It is not for me to judge, and i do feel truly sorry that the little girl has been hurt, but reaally it has nothing to do with me
how would he react to me telling our DD that she had a half sister???
DS is too young to know
i just feel that everything is happening all at once.................he is a very selfish, self centred man, he shoud not have waltzed into their lives and upset it, but then i also feel that they let their guard down too quickly and are having to deal with the consequence of it is sad but i dont see why she specifically posted me........i find it odd

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