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Was wondering if any of the lone parents had grown up in a single parent family and if this effects/influnences their decisions now.

(12 Posts)
Aimsmum Fri 18-Jul-08 09:48:41

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macdoodle Fri 18-Jul-08 12:38:46

My parents split up acrimoniously when I was 15 after years of arguing - I tried desperately to hang onto my marriage as I so didn't want my DD's to have seperate parents...till I realised they (well DD1 really)....were experiencing all my worst memories from my childhood - screaming fighting angry parents
I do think though I go to extremes to be friendly with my H (sometimes to my deficit) but I so want my DD's to feel comfortable with their parents relationship - not like me who could only have one at my graduation, went away to get married, have them visit seperately to see DD's etc

charliecat Fri 18-Jul-08 13:04:41

My mum was a single parent with 3 kids from when I was 5.
She uprooted us to a refuge to get away from my dad who was a right shit, beat the crap out of her, done her spine in etc etc.

So because of this, mum was always grateful that xp didnt hit mehmm and always said I was the only one in the family who had managed to have a vaguely normal family life...hmm

I realised I was going to end up killing XP if he didnt move out. I really COULD NOT stand him and he HAD to go, because I would have murdered him, just to shut his insulting mouth up(always putting me down, bla bla)

I knew I would be ok on my own as XP was useless anyway.

Looking back im surprised I didnt give up earlier. Growing up I realised my LP house was the only one without an atmosphere. Because Mum wasnt hating Dad, like in my mates houses.

prettyfly1 Fri 18-Jul-08 13:21:32

i am so glad you posted. i always wondered how my son would see being the product of one parent. I always knew my ex wouldnt be around and i caused quite the scandal keeping him. his dad did come back for a little bit but like a lot of the other women on here i couldnt bear the argueing and fighting so removed him and i am glad that you feel so positively about your mum whilst respecting what it cost her. ireally hope my son feels the same one day!

Pinkchampagne Fri 18-Jul-08 13:50:08

I didn't - my mum and dad are still together & were very anti my separation as it isn't the "done thing" in my family!hmm
Mum says they would find it easier to understand if he had had an affair or hit me.

Aimsmum Fri 18-Jul-08 14:19:12

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prettyfly1 Fri 18-Jul-08 16:23:47

thanks aims. it is difficult because i do understand the correlation between the same sex parent and feeling like there is something missing as many "adopted" or "abandoned" children put it. Now i feel like mine is neither. he has a mummmy who loves him, works hard for him and will do her best to make him really really happy.and hopefully that will be enough!

Aimsmum Fri 18-Jul-08 18:06:00

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IllegallyBrunette Fri 18-Jul-08 18:24:29

My parents seperated first when I was about 8/9. They stayed seperated for about two weeks and then got back together.

Then when I was about 11, they started divorce procedings, and that was the beginning of 2 horrendous years for me and my brothers.
My parents hated each other at that point and lots of nasty things went on, in and out of court.
I told my dad that I wanted to live with him (so did eldest brother), and so then began a huge custody battle too. This invloved me, as a 11/12 yr old haveing to find my own legal representation to fight my corner, as the family mediators that were supposed to help me, completely ignored anything that I said about my dad.

Because of what I went through I made a HUGE effort throughout mine and xp's seperation, never to involve the kids in arguments, make them feel they had to take sides etc etc and try and keep it as amicable as possible. I didn't always succeed, but I am comfortable in the knowledge that my dc, although obviously upset by the whole thing, didn't go through what I did.

My mum once tried to give me advice on my seperation from xp, and I told her no offence intended, but she was the last person that i'd ask for advice on how to get divorced without wrecking your childrens lives.

She wasn't impressed with me, but it was true.

IllegallyBrunette Fri 18-Jul-08 18:26:20

Meant to add, that my mum and dad don't speak, amnd haven't spoken since the divorce over 15 years ago.

There have been times where I wished that they still at least got on, and the fact that they don't has stopped me doing certain things in my life.

For that reason, I do try hard to remain civil with xp and let him be as involved as he wants to be.

singledadofthree Fri 18-Jul-08 22:19:34

yeah sort of - and expect it does.

charlotte121 Fri 18-Jul-08 23:38:41

My dad died when I was 8 so my mum brought me and my sisters up alone. I tried to hold on to exp desperatly for ds's sake and now I realise that was wrong. I wanted exp to be like my dad who was brilliant. I realised ds was better off with just one parent as apposed to a crap dad and a miserable mother.

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