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sure ive done the right thing so why do i feel bad?

(5 Posts)
shelleylou Thu 17-Jul-08 20:21:36

My xp txt yesterday telling me to tell ds that daddy loves him and he's coming to get him next weekend. I've told him it needs to be regular and he cant just drop in and out of ds's life. Seen him twice in the last 18 weeks. His whole thing is i will if i can afford it, which pisses me right off as he has his dd every weekend without fail. He takes her to pub for dinner and desert if his mum isnt there to cook tea.

Anyway ive told him that unless he can commit to the last weekend of the month then not bother coming for ds next weekend. I know in my heart ive done the right thing for ds but i feel really shit about it. Why?

moosh Thu 17-Jul-08 20:40:41

Hi Shellylou. Your priority is your ds, he needs to have a routine and that means his dad needs to have a concrete schedule of visitation.
You will feel bad, I have before, I have had to tell my two ds's on many occassions that they couldn't see their dad for various reasons. I felt like the "meanie old witch".
Thing is your ds may not like your decision, but I guarantee in a days time there will be something else that will take his attention away from not seeing his dad and onto something else.
So please don't feel bad, you are his mum, you set the rules for your ex as to when he can see ds and if he can't stick to it, he doesn't deserve to see him.
lol smile

shelleylou Thu 17-Jul-08 20:46:58

s is 20 months so doesn't haver a huge understanding of it but he screams dad whenever when we go into town. Any man im close too dad its heartbreaking

moosh Thu 17-Jul-08 20:56:25

I understand, but even if he is only 20 months, there still needs to be concrete visitation so that your ds will get used to it as he gets older.
I was about a year old when my dad left, I had no concrete visitation in all my child hood. He'd turn up when he could be bothered and that I will never forget. So for you ex's sake he better make something more eregular otherwise its gonna turn round and biite him on the bum when your ds gets older.

shelleylou Thu 17-Jul-08 21:01:44

thats my thoughts exactly moosh. I know its for ds but cant help but think im taking something away from ds. I really dont know why as his dad's never been much of a dad to him sad

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