Weirdos? POF and....oh I dunno

[PurpleOne]

I'm sure all the ladies know here, that I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks now.

Hijacked the POF thread...sorry about that.

As I say, it's only been 3 weeks and I don't want to bombard the poor bloke with endless questions and grilling. Saw him on POF last night and asked him today about it. Said he 'wanted to keep his options open'. Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. [fumes]

But when I went to his place today, it was an absolute tip. He told me he had cleaned up a bit. Hmm, yeah all he did was clear away the beer cans and change the farking bedsheets!. He had not even bothered to hoover. Looks like he hadn't done it for a few months. It looked like there was half a loaf of Hovis crumbs on his kitchen floor
Couldn't even see the carpet in the bedroom. Didn't even go in there but saw it on passing. I know I expectd a proper blokes place, and with a kid too. Dust and crap and mess doesn't bother me, but when he came to mine, I at least made an EFFORT. Chucked dirty washing in black bags, pile of ironing in black bags, hoovered and put a cloth around.

Asked him what we planned on doing for the school hols. Kids home, babysitters etc. 'Oh, I don't know'.

Are all blokes like this???

[zippitippitoes]

he doesnt sound very attractive or you dont say what has attracted you to him?

how old is he

does he live on his own

[Remotew]

He sounds a bit gross to me. Do you really like him? I know its only 3 weeks and you need time to get to know him but I suspect it will only go downhill from now.

He is being honest about keeping his options open. I don't know you or him so its difficult to comment too much (OK I've been on that things you will never say on mumsnet thread today).

[Ewe]

He does not sound great.

Did you meet him on POF? I have only ever heard bad things about men from that site.

[charliecat]

Doesnt sound good, whats the good things about him?

[turquoise]

I would expect a bit more effort made. He doesn't bother cleaning up for you to come round, is 'keeping his options open' - you're being used IMO. Sorry.

He changed the bedsheets - that says where his priorities lie to me.

[davidtennantsmistress]

hmm honestly if it was me given what you've said i'd tell him to jog on (not the fact he was on pof still - the fact he didn't bother his arse to tidy his place) honestly it doesn't take much does it??

[PurpleOne]

yeah I met him on POF, and he lives on his own with his boy.

The kids pajamas and pants were still sat on the living room floor when I arrived.

I do like him, we have a laugh, share same taste in music etc etc, doesn't live far from me. And it's been 3 years since I last dated anyways....

I'm not sure what I'm asking realyy, would you ladies put up with this?
And he's still showing as offline from last night. As soon as I signed in tonight, he signed out.
Just to say we've met up at least 6 times previous.....

Feeling really paranoid I guess? IYKWIM?

[davidtennantsmistress]

na for me as turq says- clean sheets says it all really. can't be bothered to pick up the stuff in the front room form his lad - I know we're all busy as single parents but how hard is it esp when you have company coming over, kick him to the kerb as they say in the USA.

[zippitippitoes]

offline from what?

if you haave only known him 3 weeks im not surprised he is still on pof

he is messy

is he too messy for you

is he nice enough in other ways

he clearly isnt interested in being exclusive at the moment if that is important to you then he isnt really what you want

dont settle for less thsan you want at the moment

other people will come along who are more your type

lots of people will like the same music

[LongLiveGreenElizabeth]

Euwwww. Fast forward. If all goes WELL you'd just end up nagging this guy not to be such a dirty lazy slob.

Keep your options open too on POF (what is that?)

I think maybe he might be better as a friend. You LIKE him. He seems a nice guy. But a relationship with him would be hard. Does he have any friends??!? nice ones?

[Ewe]

He has a kid who he lives in such a mess with?

I could not put up with that, he'd be on his way out the door.

[madamez]

Well, after only 3 weeks, you seem to be expecting a lot from him: have you discussed sexual exclusivity with him yet? If not, then it is up to him who he dates/flirts with/has sex with. And has it been discussed that you are going to spend all your free time over the summer together, or have you just kind of decided that you are In A Relationship with this man?
SPend some time with him if you like his company or he is a good shag, but don't immediately start plotting to redesign his house, or his wardrobe, or his life. What's the rush?

[PurpleOne]

I don't want to interfere with his life or his house.

He has a beautiful flat...just a shame he never made the effort.
Maybe I do have higher expectations that him, but just a simple hoover around and hide the laundry would suffice.

I mean as a single mum, and guests don't come over all that much....you make the bloody effort!

[fawkeoff]

I agree with you purple......he should have made the effort, and 3 weeks is long enough to stop keepin your options open......i think it is shitty that he has said that to you....if it doesnt work out then he could have just gone back on it.....you need the think about how this ia gonna turn out

[PurpleOne]

Bollocks isn't it.

Don't want to rule his life or anything. Just miffed that he had 6 feckin' days to sort his flat out. He knew I was coming. I do not want to take my shoes off and have my feet stabbed with plastic swords from toy soldiers. I do not want to have my feet looking like slices of toast with all the breadcrumbs.
(that's just me though, I always take my shoes and socks off)

Those pjs and pants stayed there all damn day. I did pick them up and fold them and left them on the arm on the sofa....
I aint going to be his fucking mother.

I don't expect anything. We are / were 'seeing' each other. Since we have seen each other 7 times now in 3 weeks, I don't expect to see him on POF 'online'. His life is his life. We've not even suggested meeting up with the kids, even though he suggested it....no way for now.
Fuck with me is one thing, you don't fuck with my kids is totally something else.

I am seeing him Tuesday and prob the last arranged thing cause of school hols. Did ask him about babysitters (he gets the childcare, I don't) and said 'Oh I don't know' I'll only be getting Friday eveniings free when exh takes the dd's.

I have a very bad feeling about this. Trusting your intuition is right, even though it feels wrong. A womans gut feeling is always the way forward.

Still not online on msn either. 2 nights in a row. Previous he would text me and say his net is down. Not anymore.

[davidtennantsmistress]

alls i'm going to say is TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

and yes 3 weeks isn't v long but common courtesy I would have thought is if you've met someone 2/3 times get on well, then you see how thats going to go really don't you - or maybe that's just female logic??

[Tinkerbel6]

I also say trust your instincts, Purpleone maybe what you see is what you get with him, he didn't give you a good impression the first time you met, now he is keeping his options open, and now hasn't bothered to clean up when he knew you were coming round, is this the king of guy you want to spend the rest of your life with ????

Maybe this guy knows that you like he so feels that he doesn't have to try ?? you might be better off chalking this one down to experience and carry on with your fishing

[fawkeoff]

well said tinkerbel

he does seem to be a complete jackass

[zippitippitoes]

i would say that he really doesnt sound that great...and meet some other men instead...just see him as a friend if you get on

[prettyfly1]

umm. hemay be a nice guy but you certainly dont seem that enamoured with him purple. and a mother and womans instincts are never ever wrong. perhaps best to call it a day now,although for three weeks you do seem to be rushing it a bit?

[zippitippitoes]

you should be seeing someone you think is wonderful or at least potentially wonderful once you get to know him

[PurpleOne]

Yeah, you're all right.

DTM - that's what I thought too. You like someone, hit it off, so leave the POF alone for a while. He's been on there again today.

Going to stand well back now me thinks, and wait for him to make the first move. Either MSN, phoning, texting or otherwise.

Had a really evil idea of setting up another POF profile much closer to his home and seeing if he takes the bait. Then I'll know

My instincts say nada.

[greeneyedgirl]

I don't think he sounds like a "keeper" and if that's what you're looking for, maybe it would be a good idea to nip it in the bud.

I met my current dp on a dating site (not POF cos I really didn't like it at all, was bombarded by married men looking for sex ). Anyways, we met up after a week and we hit it off really well, we see each other once mid-week, every weekend and we msn and chat on the phone every night. So far he has never (ok, well as good as never) made me feel that I am fighting to keep his attention, or that he is keeping his eye open for better offers.

Since we met we have both taken ourselves off the dating site we met on and have made it clear to each other we are exclusive. I have had similar experiences with men to yours Purple, where I was doing all the running and wondering and needless to say they didn't last. There are plenty of guys out there, although for the record, the better ones are on the paid sites because they are usually more serious about having "proper" relationships. Good luck with whatever happens!!

[Tamz77]

I'd be worried about the 'keeping his options open' comment; what he means is he's hoping for a better offer, or perhaps a chance for some casual sex. If you're seeing someone don't you naturally assume exclusivity unless explicitly stated otherwise? Rather than assuming you're both going to be auditioning alternatives for the indefinite future? Apart from anything else it's totally arrogant for him to state his position so baldly and so flippantly. Either he doesn't rate you much or at least doesn't think you'll end the relationship even if he tells you outright he wants to keep meeting other women. I for one think you should end it.

There are better men out there, even perhaps on POF. Please don't just take the first one who comes along, it is your right to be as picky as you want!

This one's a no-go! A no-go who lives in his own filth, no less!

(Good luck x x)

[zippitippitoes]

i agree the keeping my options open comment is crass

but on the other hand i think that considering yourself in a relationship with someone after 3 weeks would be very quick if you are past being a teenager

i would never assume exclusivity in a relationship unless it had been discussed

but im sure you can find a lot of people who will fire you up more than he really seems to