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Do you ever get annoyed with smug married friends...who aren't really smug but just have no idea how hard it is....

(14 Posts)
macdoodle Tue 15-Jul-08 20:40:57

I work in a partnership of 5, 2 men and 2 other women, I am the youngest partner with the youngest children ( I have a 6 year old and a 6 month old) - we have 13 DC between us ....
We all get on well and am friends with my 2 female partners who are good guys....however they are both married to really nice blokes with really good jobs/incomes....they freely admit they work to pay for holidays, school fees etc....and we are well paid - I work to pay for EVERYTHING (my household, my H's,my H's failing business) and we are in deep shit financially...
H and I are seperated after horrific 2 years of shit (OW, OW had baby, lies deceit you get the picture )....so I am working (stressful busy job), worrying about money, and looking after 2 children (one a still BF baby)...so not getting a lot of sleep..
Today was a long hard day, was just leaving with 15 mins to get DD2 from MIL, and get to DD1 at after school club by 6pm....
And both gals stroll in and start chatting, somewhat stressed say gotta go get kids...am knackered and got big circles under eyes ...
And they both laugh and shrug and say ah well thats life with kids....well I beg to FUCKING differ.....thats my life their lives are NOT like mine...they have supportive helpful DH's who do not lie and manipulate them, they are financially secure, and they both took lengthy career breaks when their kids were babies...so excuse me but they have NO idea how hard my life is none at all
Sorry feel better got that off my chest ...actually left almost in tears at there complete lack of understanding how hard it is to be a working single mum

Tinker Tue 15-Jul-08 20:46:08

They weren't laughing at you though. Surely, they were just trying to empathise and today isn't a good day for you. I think you're knackered and maybe a tad oversensitive about this? Don't shout, honestly, I do understadn. Was a full-time working single parent for over 5 years. It is relentless.

macdoodle Tue 15-Jul-08 20:51:57

Oh I know they weren't laughing at me at all - it was just normal work banter ...they are lovely girls and sympathetic but just not practically helful IYSWIM...
Am well aware I am oversensitve (sleep deprivation it is) - had big ding dong with male partner yesterday (we are known to be 2 most volatile partners with personality clash) but I am usually more restrained...
I also know that is is not their fault my life is so shit and hard at the moment ....my fault for being involved with H.....I guess I just resent what I see as their easy lives envy...
And relentless is spot on

madamez Tue 15-Jul-08 20:57:11

Being a parent is hard, and being a single parent is hard, but it's not your colleagues' fault that your XP is a shit - and certainly not their job to help you with childcare, etc. Getting angry with them will do you more harm than good. Is there anyone else who can give you a break or help with childcare? Is there any hope of a civil relationship with your XPs parents, for instance, if your own parents are too far away?

macdoodle Tue 15-Jul-08 21:14:52

Hmm thanks for that hmm....was just letting off steam ..I am not angry with them, am well aware its not their fault... love my job and my partnership ...and they have been supportive and when I said help ..I was thinking more along the lines of offering to see my last patient instead of chatting so I could get DD's....
I have NO expectation that they would help with childcare and have not once in the last 2 years of hell let my personal mess interfere with my work..I have not missed a single day or let anything slip at work....I would just like that to be acknowledged and appreciated ....and I have a good old dose of the green eyed monster thay have lovely DH's and relatively easy lives envy all me I am weel aware...
My IL's are helpful'ish and is H - "ish" being the operative word...just tired and fed up really

Sawyer64 Tue 15-Jul-08 21:27:49

I felt exactly like you,although Ex H was just a SH1T,no OW involved.But I struggled for 6 yrs on my own with DC,juggling etc.Resenting (if I'm honest)other peoples happiness and support.

I met DH-to-be after 6 yrs on my own,and my life has totally turned around.

Not much help to give,and certainly not gloating.Just that your "time" will come.

I'm (sadly) now listening and supporting friends with their DH's being Sh1ts,and getting Divorced etc.

macdoodle Tue 15-Jul-08 21:30:11

Thanks Sawyer - it is the juggling and lack of sleep that is hard...and yes I do resent other peoples apparant happiness...childish and irrational I know but there nonetheless

MeMySonAndI Tue 15-Jul-08 21:44:34

But what do we know about their hapiness? Don't we all like to give an image of a perfect life?

Take it easy, have a bit of a relax time for a little while as soon the children allow it. People find it difficult to understand what they don't know.

Sawyer64 Tue 15-Jul-08 21:45:02

Just try to "count you blessings" at the moment(corny I know)

I had only 1 DC and thought I'd never have a relationship with someone else,or more DC,which I also desperately desired.

I am so sure now,that all my "hardship" and sadness,"allowed" me to appreciate fully what I needed to be happy,and when the "right" person came along I was able to "see" him.

I'm not sure I would have if I'd not had 6 years of relative misery beforehand.

This difficult phase in your life will hopefully be shortlived and then.....

Who knows. Good Luck!

prettyfly1 Tue 15-Jul-08 21:50:31

mac i am sorry you have had a shit day love. sometimes it just helps to blast doesnt it. i have a full time pressured job as well and there are times i want to scream. my trigger is payday when the other girls stroll in with bags full of new clothes and i swear to god if i could turn green i would. you know how it is tho. tomorrow will be better!!

hugsxzxx

Alexa808 Thu 17-Jul-08 03:30:13

Sorry to hear you're feeling that way, mac. I'm sure they didn't laugh about you. In my time I have met a lot of very smug married women looking down on singles, split up couples, etc. who for whatever reason got divorced and then weren't quite so smug anymore. "Pride goeth before fall..."

Sawyer has written something really nice and life is never only sad and gloomy. I'm sure this is just a phase for you and in not even a year's time you'll be in a very different, much better place. I wish you will.

Could you get more help from your ex with the dc? Why should you shoulder all the responsibility?

UnderRated Thu 17-Jul-08 03:44:57

Yeah, it's crap, macdoodle. I don't think people realise unless they've been in that situation.

A friend of mine, happily married with 3 yr old twins) had a baby this week. I took a gift round and left it on her doorstep. She called to thank me and said, "UnderRated, I have no idea how you do this. DH is with the twins and I'm on my own with the baby all day. This is so hard. I don't know how you manage." Whilst I only had one DS and never had to deal with twins and a new baby, it was the first time any of my friends have acknowledged that it might not be easy to be a lone parent.

AMAZINWOMAN Thu 17-Jul-08 07:31:41

There is one girl in work who I find really annoying as she is really smug. She says things like, "Oh, amazinwoman can't come on night outs" when I'm not there. She will say "oh, guess what, Sue's a single parent, I can't believe it"

She doen't have kids, but is married. I know she is someone who is insecure and puts people down to make herself feel good, and the only thibg she can put me down about is the fact that I'm single.

I find it so annoying that that she feels she can put me down as I'm single. I think it should be something people really respect me for, and not put me down.

sometimes after being around her, I feel life isn't fair. My life is about just getting through the day as best as I can. I work really hard in work, a lot harder than people with no kids or married people with kids.

I sometimes want to look forward to the day, have fun and have some of this weight taken of my shoulders. Which i think loads of single parents with no support feel.

As for this smug married girl in work, if anything ever happened to her hubby, she would go to pieces. She is unable to do anything for herself, she doesn't even know which train she gets home!!

AMAZINWOMAN Thu 17-Jul-08 07:31:43

There is one girl in work who I find really annoying as she is really smug. She says things like, "Oh, amazinwoman can't come on night outs" when I'm not there. She will say "oh, guess what, Sue's a single parent, I can't believe it"

She doen't have kids, but is married. I know she is someone who is insecure and puts people down to make herself feel good, and the only thibg she can put me down about is the fact that I'm single.

I find it so annoying that that she feels she can put me down as I'm single. I think it should be something people really respect me for, and not put me down.

sometimes after being around her, I feel life isn't fair. My life is about just getting through the day as best as I can. I work really hard in work, a lot harder than people with no kids or married people with kids.

I sometimes want to look forward to the day, have fun and have some of this weight taken of my shoulders. Which i think loads of single parents with no support feel.

As for this smug married girl in work, if anything ever happened to her hubby, she would go to pieces. She is unable to do anything for herself, she doesn't even know which train she gets home!!

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