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Ex p willing to pay min maintenance AND Private education but not tsfr equity for dd

(11 Posts)
taken4granted Mon 14-Jul-08 19:38:15

Cutting a very long story short ex shithead wont transfer his equity into dd mane till shes 18 so that I can afford to buy a property nearby to enable him to build a relationship with his daughter - he will only commit to mimum as per csa calcs for maintenance for her but is also willing to fork out extra £1k per month for private education for her ( shes in a state school but we are moving up north 4 hrs drive away as cant afford to live in south) the question of private education caused theslpit he was unwilling to fork out £100 per month ( I would have paid the rest with all my wages) on a scholarship he cant see past his hatred and despise for me even though it is he who has had an affair for at least 6 of my daughters 7 and a half yrs of life. He thinks by giving HER the equity (dd) I will benefit and as for mainenance if he could get away with payinng less he would as he thinks I would be out on the razz with it - just done my calcs for mediation and I get to have the princely sum of £40 per month to save for x mas birthdays car repairs/shoes and anything else that inlc his maintenance ( mm some high life eh that wouldnt even payt for a babysitter for a night let alone a cab! Just having a moan really just cant believe he cannot get past his hatred for me in order for him to see his daughter - he only sees her 2 per month and now she wont even see him at all ( her choice) and thats before we move

Anyone else got shitheads for fathers out there - oh yes I nearly split my sides with laughter when he told me he joined a single fathers g roup - I can see him now up big ben in a superman suit!!!!!!! ( he is such a snotty nosed twat its unbelievable!)

shelleylou Mon 14-Jul-08 19:58:09

hes being a shit head but he is paying maintenance and school fees.

i cant even get maintenance out of my exp refuses to send forms back to the csa etc. He has seen ds twice since easter only down to me nagging asking him to see him and putting him up for the weeked. On the other hand hess great with his daughter now has her every weekend. fuckwit

prettyfly1 Mon 14-Jul-08 20:30:58

umm. please dont flame me but he is paying for his kid. and for a bloody good education. i know its not everything but its a damn site more then most. do you work? would this make it easier for you to have some fun independently. I dont mean to make light of this i am sure you are having a really rotten time but financially he is doing a hell of a lot more then most on here. I appreciate kids are not pay per view and you would rather she had time though.

Harra Mon 14-Jul-08 21:57:33

Afraid so. My xp wants lots of access, has taken me to court to get it (despite having ds for 2 nights per week from when we split up), wants to pay as little as possible as he 'can't work' as he is looking after ds, (after telling me I should go back to work) left me with over £11,000 solicitors bill, taking me back to court - don't know why as yet, now involving the High commisioner in the csa tribuanl ruling which took 14 months.

He would quite like to send ds to private school too, but like yours desperate that I don't 'swan around' with his money. He has to pay £62 per week which takes into account he has ds on average 2 nights per week, has lots of properties and a business venture but chooses not to work as a solicitor in which he is qualified.

I think/hope he is good to ds when he has him but as another mumsnetter put it once - why would a good father put their childs mother through this. He might be joining the old fathers for justice brigade too.

Controlling and argumentative at every contact I have with him - so funnily enough - I don't do much of that and then says 'it would be good for ds to spend some time with us together'. No it wouldn't, as we would argue you pratt. Now you have got me started. Sorry for the rant.

Tinkerbel6 Tue 15-Jul-08 12:15:06

Maintenance and a private education to set a child up for life is worth more than a lump sum tied up in bricks and mortar in my opinion, you cant force your ex to see your child and moving near him doesn't mean that he will spend any more time with her, take him out of the picture and do what is best for you and your child

Quattrocento Tue 15-Jul-08 12:24:51

I'm sorry that you feel this way. I'm sure there are many good reasons for it, but I'm not sure the bitterness is helping you.

He is in fairness paying the CSA minimum and forking out for a private education. That's not bad really.

Can you say more about how this move is happening? Why are you having to move 4 hours drive away? Why aren't you entitled to live in the family home?

micci25 Tue 15-Jul-08 12:25:10

im sorry but im inclined to say if you cannot afford to live on what he is paying can you not leave the private education and go state? private is not neccassary there are plenty of good state schools!

as for a shithead father, yes dd1 has one those of those, he has seen her a grand total of..oh hang on hes never seen her hmm nor paid one single penny towards her upkeep! and as for private education..well if we win the lottery maybe. equity? whats equity? you have it good love! sorry! yes it would be nice if he saw her more, but he sees her he poays for her he is providing her with best education she can have. thats a lot more than most of us have!

taken4granted Tue 15-Jul-08 17:41:57

Hi everyone maybe I should have made myself clear I have found her a fantastic state school to go to ( as she has been state educated up to now) Its his idea of private education and its all for show he even wants her to go boarding) like that doesnt say to her - well your father fucked off and left you and now your mum doesnt want you now either - dont get me wrong she is NOT going to private education shes not the type of kid who would enjoy it my I get that relatively speaking Im in a better position than most on here with shitheads for ex's who wont pay a bean Im just venting my anger and disappointment that her shithead of a father will not pay more than he has to by law to me for her upkeep - dd has been spoiled I suppose whilst we were together - after all he earned £150k a year but when we were together he wouldnt entertain the idea of private education and now he thinks he can dictate that she goes beacause he wants to rub my nose in the shit hes left us both in, my point was thatif he could afford to pay for private education why not make sure she has a roof over her head first - Im sure if we eventually got a bloody council house she would get bullied big time at a private school but he doesnt think of her welbeing just about him. I know I sound bitter honestly Im better off without him and enjoying life being me and not some downtrodden stupid cow he made me think I was. Im sorry If Ive offended others on here by the fact that hes paying the minimum he has too and a lot of you on here arent even getting that yes I am lucky in a way but hey hes the one whos walked out on her and never gets to parent her like a real dad - quite frankly I actually believe that if 2 people in a relationship have a child they should provide the best they both possibly can for that child for as long as they can or am i being very niaive?

Oh yes and hes allready admitted hes joined a group of single dads - some shit like FFJ - why dont us single mums have something like that well not FFJ but FNF - mind you having looked at that website its another one of those SINGLE MUMS are all money grabbing bitches - actually No we are not we just continue to want whats best for our kids its not their fault their fathers sodded off

taken4granted Tue 15-Jul-08 17:47:40

Oh yes hes only said he would pay for private education not actually doing it - He also said he would make sure dd & I wouldnt suffer financially but we are off to another pointless mediation session tomorrow then a job interview up north - hopefully I'll get it and then I can tell him where to stick his fin maintenance right where the sun doesnt shine. Havent blocked his access at all for when we move infact have said he can have even more time but guess what he thinks it will be very difficult for him ( more like to expensive to fill up his Porsche 911 and drive 4 hrs and book himself into a hotel) Sorry actually I really do sound bitter Im just very disappointed that the man I chose to father my dd doesnt actually care about her one i ota and sees her like everything esle a business transaction.

micci25 Tue 15-Jul-08 19:21:21

he cant force you to send to her boarding school you know if you dont want her to go and she doesnt want to go! it sounds like he is still trying to control you!

was he very controlling when you were together?

Tinkerbel6 Thu 17-Jul-08 13:06:33

I can see where you are coming from taken4granted when you say if he can afford private education then he can give you a bit extra, and yes I think that both parents should continue to provide the best they can for a child when they split, but, if your child has been spoilt maybe its time to sit down with her and have a chat about things now changing and she cant always have the same things she had when you and your ex were together, I'm sure she would rather have your love and support than material possessions

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