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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Hi, i dont know if anyone remembers my story..but... (long!)

20 replies

allgonebellyup · 13/07/2008 08:23

I asked dh to leave last sept after so many rows about money.
After a couple of months i missed him like mad and realised i still loved him. i asked him back, and he was still very hurt and said that he will never come back.
He met this girl who he used to work with, and within 2 months she was pregnant and they just had the baby in May.

When i found out she was pg it hit me like a bus, i guess i still thought of him as "mine" and hadnt prepared myself for him moving on so quickly. i had a bit of a breakdown - went from size 10 to size 6 in a couple of weeks, my eyelashes etc fell out, and i stopped sleeping. Suicidal.

Now, ten months later i am feeling SO much happier and stronger, am enjoying every minute with my children (who i didnt appreciate before), doing the house up, have lots of new friendships and am finally applying for the career i have always dreamed of..

Then last week, ds announces that dh's girlfriend is moving out of their house with the baby and moving in with her friend. Sad for the innocent baby, but i cant help feeling a little bit and smug, just for all that i have been through.

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allgonebellyup · 13/07/2008 08:24

i asked dh to leave last april

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davidtennantsmistress · 13/07/2008 08:27

glad you're feeling a lot more positive AG.

would you consider asking your H back?

allgonebellyup · 13/07/2008 08:30

oh god, he knows i am still crazy about him, he knows i would have him back tomorrow, but sadly i know that will never happen.

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mylittlepudding · 13/07/2008 08:31

I'm glad you are feeling better. Don't rush into anything hasty would be my main concern.

I am sad for that little baby - not sure it makes your DH sound like someone you'd want around tbh. I hope you keep feeling strong, and positive, and mentally well, and wish you every success in your career too (what are you going to do? )

davidtennantsmistress · 13/07/2008 08:34

agreed things on your terms there.

the poor baby involved thou. was it all something his XG (assuming she is X now) did as a way to 'get' him and keep him?

good luck in your career as well.

PeaMcLean · 13/07/2008 08:36

AG I don't think I have read your posts before but you sound so strong and have recovered so well, it's inspiring.

So I'm amazed you say you'd have him back??? LOL, I don't know the whole story. Do what's right for you not him. Very best of luck with the new career, how exciting.

allgonebellyup · 13/07/2008 08:39

Well she is mid thirties so i think she was v keen to have a baby. She told ex that doctors had told her she couldnt get pg, and being the fool he is, he believed her.
He was in tears,well, sobbing, when he found out she was pregnant.

i know he felt so guilty, and stupid, and felt awful for the kids.
I know he is a great bloke, my new friends have met him and said he is lovely, he was in a total mess when he met her, and told me she was just a rebound thing (although later denied this).

I do feel very sorry for the poor baby caught up in the middle of all this, but for all i know ex and his gf may still be "together" but just living in different houses???

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allgonebellyup · 13/07/2008 08:40

Sorry, career is teaching - been going into schools and getting experience. Want to teach RE.

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allgonebellyup · 13/07/2008 09:30

Have had ADs to see me through all of this though, i cannot take credit for all of it!

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davidtennantsmistress · 13/07/2008 10:08

they were an aid AG, you did the hard work, they just helped you to balance a bit.

prettyfly1 · 13/07/2008 10:46

all ads do is balance out your moods so you can process what you need to rationally all gone - you did the rest. my only concern with you taking him back or trying to win him back is would you cope with the new baby? you have done really well missy - i have followed your story as well and i think a little smugness is entitled. i do feel for her though although i know the otehrs may not agree. she obviously thought it would work, if he was a mess and everything else she probably hasnt had the easiest of times either and now faces raising a child alone. goes to show. cheaters never prosper!

prettyfly1 · 13/07/2008 10:47

all gone??? where is my head at this morning. alone.

piratecat · 13/07/2008 10:53

god what a mess life can be, you must all be going thru it.

She obv wanted a baby, you dh was not in a good place, your relationship went to pot.

If i were you i would feel that pull, for the familiar which is the ex, but so much has changed now.

i am pleased you have got on well with coping, and i agree anti's help put perspective to things.

It must have been a real ( happy/smug) surprise to hear they might have split, and entirely natural.

fawkeoff · 13/07/2008 10:53

im glad your feeling so good about things, i think the new career prospect sounds really exciting......but too much has gone on,. you have both changed as people and it would be so hard to adapt together again.......are you dating again??????

allgonebellyup · 13/07/2008 15:54

no.. i am not dating again, though i have dabbled a bit.. they are either gorgeous but not very interested in me, or gorgeous and just want sex, or keen on me but non fanciable. Had 3 bad experiences now so i am giving up on men.

i am just going to have tunnel vision from now on, ie it will now be work work work towards my career and my kiddies, and our home.
I miss sex and the closeness but oh well, you cant have it all

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allgonebellyup · 13/07/2008 22:17

oh. ds just said that the gf was there all weekend and has moved back in.

so much for them splitting.

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piratecat · 14/07/2008 07:35

well onwards into this week you go, i think you do need some time for you, a break from men.

I had a couple of little flings not long after my dh left. As nice as the attention was,I really didn't need the hassle, or to get my hopes up, about therebeing someone else out there, so soon.

You have built up a life, and are doing well. Prob time to tunnel vision as you say, and then you will get stronger and who nkows what is round the corner!

Beetroot · 14/07/2008 08:27

Well done for moving on - and you really have to let x go - he is not ocming back and you have a good life now.

When do you start your training?

is it ia PCSE?

allgonebellyup · 14/07/2008 20:42

Well i have to finish the last year of my OU course then i can apply for sept 09, its a long way away really.

i just wish i could stop fucking pining for him. Every time i see him my heart plummets to the floor and i just want to sob.
i wish none of this had ever happened, i wish i had never been so happy that it would all be taken away from me and make me wish i wasnt alive any more.
i dont think i will ever get over him, no matter how much of a career i have or the mumber of great friends around me.

There is this huge hole inside me that will never go away.
Sorry for the rant. Not feeling so positive today

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allgonebellyup · 15/07/2008 08:22

number not mumber

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