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what is reasonable contact with an 18mo old?

(3 Posts)
averyquickex Thu 10-Jul-08 21:19:03

I have another thread running about the ow blush, but I also think I need to know what xh can expect to be reasonable contact with ds.

at the mo (2 months since we split), he sees him about 3 hours a week, as I need my dad to do a hnadover as I really cannot be civil to xh and I think it would be detrimental for ds to see us together like that.

but he is putting pressure on me to let him see ds more, and I dont have anyone to do a handover so would have to deal with him myself.
But I'm not ready to do that.

My issue is really that he never did any of the childcare when we were toghether, so cannot think how he would cope with ds's allergies and eczema on his own.
And I really do NOT want him to go for overnight stays yet.

So, would he be able to take me to court to get more access? what IS reasonable access?

gillybean2 Fri 11-Jul-08 08:19:45

Just because he didn't do it when you were together doesn't mean he can't do it now. He will argue that you 1) Didn't let him and 2) He didn't want to be at home because of the issues which lead to your seperating.

Whether they be true or not, or possibly how he sees it but you do not.

At the end of the day you didn't know how to be a parent until you were thrown into the deep end. He was in the same position and will learn by being allowed hands on time.

Yes he could take you to court for more access. What is considered reasonable various but the standard option (which most argue from differing points of view isn't reasonable at all) is every other weekend and half the hols once they start school.

Prior to that it is usually said that little and often is better. So 3 hours a couple of times a week, or 4 hours one weekend day and an hour or 2 a couple of times midweek would be likely considered. And yes overnights will come.

What should be being asked is what is best for you ds and not what will ex get or is reasonable for ex to have.

Of course what time he asks for depends on what time he has. Is his work flexible enough to let him have an afternoon off etc? My previous partner's ex took a job to make weekends difficult and resitrict contact that way. So instead he asked and got to have his dd on friday and worked sunday's to make up for it. This was fine until she started school.

Rather than court have you considered mediation. Could be helpful for you both to put your points across and work out what is best for your ds. But also might help with some of the hand over difficulties. Court will want to see that you have tried mediation anyhow. You need to show that you are looking for solutions and the best interest of your child, not blocking contact. Not being able to handle it and not liking it is not going to stop contact because that is about you and not your child's best interests I'm afraid.

There are other options at handover where you don't have to be in contact. Do you have a neighbour or friend who can be at yours to answer the door when your dad can't?

I will say here that I am very much in favour of both parents being an important part of their dc's lives after seperation and for responsible parenting from both parties where it is in their child's best interest. Other's will give different advice and opinions I'm sure.

Gilly

Tinkerbel6 Fri 11-Jul-08 15:53:21

think you might have to put your feelings aside avery and work with your ex for the sake of your child, allergies and eczema can be controlled and your ex just needs to see how you do things, maybe you can up the access hours to a couple of days per week to show willing so it dont get to the court stage

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