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PLEASE HELP! New on here, need advice on leaving husband, entitlements etc...

(16 Posts)
crisplady Thu 10-Jul-08 11:33:07

Hello! I am new to this site, and wondered if there is anyone who can please offer some advice to me....
I am on the verge of splitting up with my husband after 12 years and we have two children. We have 9 years left to pay on the mortgage. We can't afford for him to buy another house and be running two houses, and I am thinking that maybe the best option is to sell our house, split the money and then both rent. An estate agent friend has said this could be a good option in the present climate. But I don't know what else to do, and I don't know what I would be entitled to if I was on my own - i work 16 hours per week and come out with just under £500 a month. I get child tax credit of £40 a month and child benefit. That's it. Husband's net income is £2350 a month. Does anyone know what entitlements I would get? Then I can sit down and work things out on paper. Ideally I would like to stay in our house with the children and him go and rent somewhere nearby, but that's only feasible if he can afford to do that! It is all very amicable. DOesn't make it any easier though... Thank you so much to anyone who has bothered to read all this! x

crisplady Thu 10-Jul-08 11:33:27

Forgot to add, neither of us have any savings.

shelleylou Thu 10-Jul-08 11:54:53

Hi, sorry to hear you circumstances.Its awful to go through, it will get easier in time.

As you work 16 hours a week you will be entitled to Working tax credit aswell as CTC. You could apply for housing and council tax benefit as your income is £500p/m i think (although i can say for definite) you would be entitled to some. Dont forget to change the council tax to just you living there as that will reduce to by roughly 25% if you do stay there. There is a website that you can get an idea of what your entitled to. I think its if not someone else is sure to tell you.
HTH best of luck

oldraver Thu 10-Jul-08 12:08:08

Hiya, just been frantically tapping into my calculator and roughly came up with this..

Your DH should be paying you £259 ish maintenece by the CSA calculator, obviously if he wants to pay more he can. I was going on salary left after basic rate tax and NI tho I think pensions etc can be factored into the equation reducing your amount.

Earning £500 /month would put you onto the highest rate of CTC, I know this is £200/ four weekly for 1 child maybe someone else will be able to tell you the rate for two. I believe there is a calculator to work CTC/WTC.. You could also claim WTC in your sole name if you are not already or it is paid to DH

Frankly if he is paying you just maintence then he is still going to be able to afford to rent elshwere. I really wouldnt give up your house unless you really have too. Obviously a lot will depend on hjow much your mortgage is and who will pay that

crisplady Thu 10-Jul-08 12:08:33

thankyou shelleylou!

crisplady Thu 10-Jul-08 12:11:57

and thankyou oldraver, god I am so impressed that you have responded so quickly, I feel better already. I would love to keep the house, just need to sit down and get it all on paper really, and figure out what can be afforded.

oldraver Thu 10-Jul-08 12:30:17

Your welcome. I was a little shocked when I had to check curent NI rates (not paid it myself for years) and found it was 11% (shock)

Katelyn Thu 10-Jul-08 12:48:50

Sadly, your situation seems very money orientated when on paper - although I'm sure it isn't the case. Having just sat through a divorce with my now husband (his ex wife) I can offer the following experience.

Whilst everyone appreciates that you need to look after your children - why should your husband walk into a rented apartment after 12 years? If it's amicable, he'll get the children fairly regularly I would imagine and he too deserves a good home to be able to look after them.

The judge will recognise the above. He will no doubt make an order wherby the husband moves out but when you sell the house or the children come out of full time ed, the house will be sold and you will have by then be expected to show signs of supporting yourself. He will then decide the percentage that you and your husband shall get of the proceeds - to expect to take on the house and the equity solely is wrong.

You can expect a Spousal Maintenance which based on a case similar to yours would be approx £500 per month and on top of that your husband will be prepared to pay a sum for the children - again dependant on age and how much contact he is 'allowed' - if he has the children more than 52 nights a year, this will almost definately be halved. This can all vary tomorrow if your husband finds himself jobless though so don't rely upon figures your given - reality says you'll need to find more than 16 hours work and look at supporting yourself as soon as possible, for you and your childrens sake. Any additional funds are then a bonus.

Also, if you meet someone else and move in and/or marry, your Spousal Maintenance payments will stop and if he meets someone else and proceeds to start a family, the child maintenance he pays you will decrease also.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do. The decision to leave someone after that many years is always going to be a difficult one but make sure you're doing it for the right reasons.

crisplady Thu 10-Jul-08 16:21:25

Thank you Katelyn for your comments. Can I just say, and I am probably a little touchy at the moment, but my situation certainly isn't just money orientated! But, "sadly" I need to know financially what I am entitled to and this seemed a good place to ask. I also don't expect him to rent an apartment, I never mentioned apartment, I would far rather he was in a house which would be nicer for the children when he has them. I mean, its either him or me move out, and I feel that the children would be better staying here in their familiar surroundings, and he has already said that there is no question, they would stay with me. So it is the most practical option if he moves out. I also am aware that I would only be able to live in the family home until the children finish their education, and then the proceeds of the house would be divided. When I say keep the house, I mean rather than us sell it.
Like I say, I am touchy at the moment. but I can assure you I am doing it for the "right reasons". Those I choose to keep to myself at this time, and I came on here for practical advice. Unfortunately money plays a big part in most people's lives, and mine is no exception.

crisplady Thu 10-Jul-08 16:30:25

But for the record, I cry myself to sleep many nights, and in fact sometimes I cry when I am walking round Tesco, or into the school playground to pick up my daughter, or when I am at work typing a report, or when I am driving. I feel like I am in a deep dark pit and I will never get out. I feel like my life is crap. I feel pathetically stupid that this is the second marriage I have cocked up. I feel frightened that my children will not forgive me. I feel jealous of all the happy people.
I want to curl up and it all just go away.

oldraver Thu 10-Jul-08 19:37:24

Katelyn........why be so harsh and nasty at a time when it is so not needed.

The poster was asking for advice purely on th financial aspects of her impending split

beaniesteve Thu 10-Jul-08 19:46:47

I don't think Katelyn was being harsh, e was being practical and speaking from experience. A Judge in a divorce like this will look at all factors and I don't think it is sensible to hope to keep the house, certainly not indefinatly. As lives change (As they surely will) then the financial aspects will change and anyone going through this situation needs to be awareof that.

Also, even if it is amicable now there's no saying that it will be in the future.

Crisplady - you say you have cocked it up but surely it's a bit of both? I hope you are ok sad

MuthaHubbard Thu 10-Jul-08 19:57:45

Just for your info, I earn similar to you - work 22.5 hrs per week and get paid just over £600. I also get ctc/wftc of £130 per week. This is just about enough to cover all my bills, including mortgage, with a bit left over for the odd bottle of wine!!

SparklePrincess Thu 10-Jul-08 23:44:59

Oldraver, Im confused by your figure for child support. According to the CSA site, my ex (who earns roughly the same as OP`s ex) is liable to pay me £92 a week. This is taking into account a reduction of 1 7th for him having them 52-103 nights a year. How did you calculate the £259 you quoted?

Katelyn, The whole Spouse maintenance issue seems to be a grey area. It really seems to depend on who you talk to as to whether getting it is a reality or not. According to my figures, with child maintenance, tax credits & wages from 16 hours work my income would be around 1500 per month, which although obviously lower than my ex`s 2220 per month, (reducing to 1800 after child maintenance) not significant enough of a difference to warrant SM. Ive spoken to 2 different solicitors about this. The first thought it wasnt worth fighting for, & would cost more in legal fee`s than I could hope to achieve, but my new solicitor seems to think that I should be entitled, especially because ex is living with another woman with her own business & has no housing need. Im more inclined to get things over and done with, I cant take anymore stress 9 months down the line. sad

Katelyn Fri 11-Jul-08 10:22:56

Apologies if you thought I was being harsh, I wasn't. Divorce is never a nice experience - thats why I'm sure many people, men and women stick it out in unhappy marriages for so long. Unfortunately though, the judge or mediator, whichever you choose is going to look at the facts.

Sparkle Princess, you're talking about the CSA Site, when it's done through court the figures vary - I was giving advice based on my experience. I'm sure that if you went through the CSA - figures would be different. I'm assuming since it's amicable, they'll sit in front of either a mediator or a judge to sort their finances.

Crisp Lady, I didnt say it was money orientated, in fact I said It seems it on paper although I'm sure it isn't.

What I wrote was my experience. My DH earnt a similar figure but his then wife was out of work and the order that was made was what I was trying to explain. If you need anymore info based on my experience, please feel free to ask however since what I've said to date has been mis-construde, I will not post on this topic again.

CrispLady - good luck with whatever you choose. It was not my intention to upset you. What I didnt want to do was say 'the CSA site give you this much, then you'll get the house, then you'll get this and then this and this' when that is not the reality. The courts say that marriage is no longer a meal ticket for life - you'll be treated fairly but your circumstances will be expected to change sooner rather than later in terms of the wife supporting herself.

Good luck.

crisplady Fri 11-Jul-08 21:08:05

Thankyou for all the positive comments. I think my first move should be to speak to CAB because I really don't know what to do first. Katelyn I would welcome any further info, but then you say you won't post on this topic again so you are just confusing me now... If anyone else has any definite info then I would be really grateful, seeing as i am clueless. But I do fully understand that the house will not be mine!! I "get" that. I just am sad that we will realistically have to sell it. Even if we stay here til the girls are older. I love this house. And yes, its a bit of both, he is at fault in many ways and I don't love him anymore as a result. I just know its going to hurt us all when we split.

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