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Son not wanting contact with father

(6 Posts)
scotslaw Thu 10-Jul-08 10:54:55

Hi, Can anyone please help?

I am new to this and looking for as much advice as possible. My son is 9 and has a contact order for him to see his father every second saturday. Contact has been getting worse for the last few months now as when my son goes his father tells him to be violent towards my new partner and swear at him. He has also told my son he wants to kill me many of times. The contact order has been in place for over 6 years now and I have always been back and forward to my solicitor on the way he is being treated and things they tell him which are not right. My son also feel very insecure when he is there and very freightened of his fathers temper. Not so long ago my sons father broke up with his recent girlfriend and it turned nasty with his father smashing the exs car windscreen and he ttold my son all about this and exactly what he had done, not suitable information for a 9 year old. My son would love to sit down with his father and advise him he no longer wants to see him but his father wouldn't listen to this as he is very selfish. My son recently told me he wished his father was dead but I had to explain that he should never wish this upon anyone. Hi father has always been a very violent person towards me and his mother but I would never want my son to find this out as he has to make his own gudgments as I feel if I was to try and push his view he would resent me and I would never do this. I feel his father has been doing this and these are the reasons he no longer wants to go. I have been to a sol but I always find there very unhelpful and I took my son to see one but there opinon is the mother must always be forcing there views on the children but Im not. I just don't know what to do. We are also putting in for a minute to vary at court to have contact cancelled completely as my son is now old enough to express his views to a sheriff but I am not sure if they will listen. Ehen we go to court we are also asking for permission to emigrate which we aren't sure if this will also be granted. Can anyone give me advice.

Oh and we live in scotland an know the law is a bit different up here

Very desperate

sleepycat Thu 10-Jul-08 10:58:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snotbuster Thu 10-Jul-08 11:43:22

I am sorry you're in such a dreadful position. I'm in England and have had experience with the courts here re contact but sounds quite different. We don't have Sheriffs but the CAFCASS officers (who speak to children in these cases) are supposed to put the child's wishes first.
Could you find another solicitor who is more supportive? I would also consider even ringing the NSPCC as this is abusive behaviour towards your son I think.
I really hope you get this sorted, sounds like you've tried really hard given the circumstances. Where are you hoping to move to?

scotslaw Thu 10-Jul-08 11:52:22

Hi Thank you for the advice. I have just got off the phone and have reported what is happening to the childrens reports who have referred the case to social services. I will also try NSPCC.

We are looking at new Zealand or Australia. as we love both places and feel they have so much more to offer and my son would love it.

If you don't mind me asking how did you case go and how old are your children?

snotbuster Thu 10-Jul-08 12:12:39

My XP was violent to me when we were together. On a couple of occasions DS (who was a baby) was caught up in it but I couldn't prove this in court so XP has unsupervised contact with him now. He has been on 'best behaviour' (mostly) since and I think it's going ok (DS is only 2.6). I know that XP has been violent to every woman he's had relationships with, I don't think DS has met his Dad's new GF yet and would like to prevent him doing so for this reason. However, in court (and mediation sessions) I have been accused of being 'jealous' rather than trying to make sure DS doesn't witness further violence. It's really difficult isn't it?
I think what your XP is telling your son is outrageous. Really hope someone is going to listen to you both now.

scotslaw Thu 10-Jul-08 15:59:08

Yes it is hard at the end of the day we are there mothers and would do anything to try and protect them if only people understood this and stopped mistaking this for jealousy and us pushing our views onto our children.

I hope everything turns out ok for you and somebody does listen to us soon.

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