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well, xh of 2 months just admitted he DID slept with his ho

(20 Posts)
averyquickex Tue 08-Jul-08 20:21:20

he left me and 16mo ds for a 23 yr old. I was distraught, and begged him back.
Now, 2 months (and lots of counselling) on, I have a great life on my own, I am reasonably happy, and he finally admitted he slept with her - on several occasions (though he couldnt always go through with it lol). unprotected too (but it's ok, she's on the pill hmm )

And I felt.....

NOTHING.

No sadness, didnt rant and rave. I think I really am over the worst. It just confirmed what I thought really.

Now he wants his family back. He realises what he lost.

Well, too fucking late!

NotDoingTheHousework Tue 08-Jul-08 20:24:24

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Ladytophamhatt Tue 08-Jul-08 20:24:44

smile

averyquickex Tue 08-Jul-08 20:25:25

cockwart - good name.
he might even genuinely have them grin

ilovemydog Tue 08-Jul-08 20:27:11

i've always thought that the opposite to love isn't hate. It's indifference smile

averyquickex Tue 08-Jul-08 20:30:49

It was amazing.
I really have been scared I would assault him or (worse!) break down in front of him when I actaully saw him face to face.
But I honestly felt nothing, just pity. I saw in his new goth garb (honestly!), dressing like someone 10 yrs younger, and thought - this is not the xh I knew.
I think he regrets it, but he still hasnt finished with her - he intends to dump her when she moves away in a few weeks, her expecting him to go with her. He is such a NICE person.

Not sure what he expects of me - the most I can offer is friendship, if he starts doing the right thing by my family. He talks the talk. But actions speak SO MUCH louder than words....

callmeovercautious Tue 08-Jul-08 20:31:19

Yay! Good for you smile

You have been to the clinic to be checked out haven't you? Sorry to bring it up but if he was messing about elsewhere and still sleeping with you.....I won't go on.

averyquickex Tue 08-Jul-08 20:33:06

well, he does claim it was a recent thing, but I suppose you are right.
How do I get myself checked out then?

NotDoingTheHousework Tue 08-Jul-08 20:36:45

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prettyfly1 Tue 08-Jul-08 20:38:47

cockwart - lol love it!! and how apt. get yourself checked out then onwards and upwards well done!

callmeovercautious Tue 08-Jul-08 20:40:14

Most Hospitals have them and advertise in the GPs surgeries. They are confidential but you may need to call for an appointment. We went when we first got together for an MOT grin We were given numbers to quote so no names were used.

allgonebellyup Tue 08-Jul-08 20:41:19

wow - well done Avery, i remember taking part in your other thread recently and listening to all the advice they gave you.
Now you are doing better than me and its only been 2 months on for you!! thats brilliant!

i am a year on exactly and still feel very sad sad
Which frustrates me even more..i am so indecisive, i cant decide what course/career i want to do, whether i want to move to another town or not..i just change my mind every day and its driving me nuts.

Your ex sounds like a numpty.

averyquickex Tue 08-Jul-08 20:43:17

sorry I keep going on, but I do feel pretty good.

It was great to hear him say - you'll never have me back, I miss being a family, I want you to forgice me etc etc etc. Kind of in a 'I am better than you' kind of a way grin

I always said - I hope he realises his mistake, but by the time he has that I have moved on and wont want him. And that's what happened.

If he had said all this about 3 weeks ago, I would be there back with him. But I have had loads of counselling, and genuinely feel relief at being away from him and on my own. I felt myself turn a corner about 2 weeks ago, and have felt pretty good ever since.

Now, <note to self> STAY STRONG!!!!

mylittlepudding Tue 08-Jul-08 20:44:57

Well done you! You are definitely better off rid of him. definitely get screened - some places you can drop in - it's no worse than having a smear really.

averyquickex Tue 08-Jul-08 20:47:11

bellyup - I have just recently made LOADS of decisions: holidays, new hobbies, active social life.
Sometimes the best thing t do is to do nothing, but do something little - any course will do really!!

Just go for it, it will make you feel better.

I just asked xh if his shagging (but not always getting it up) overlapped with our trying for a baby shock. He says no, def not. Should I still get checked just incase. I do think I believe him.

regarding my last thread about evil witchy ex mil (changing photos of me to ex within 1 week of the split) - it might be worth getting back with him (then dumping him obv) JUST to piss her off! evil grin

callmeovercautious Tue 08-Jul-08 20:51:32

Don't trust him. If he has given you something you could put your future fertility at risk. Because you will meet the man of your dreams at some point in the future and go on to have lots more lovely Babies and be treated like a Princess smile

If that is what you want of course.....

averyquickex Tue 08-Jul-08 20:52:57

overcautious - ooh yes please!!!

the best thing is I thought I wanted a new bf so I could reach this stage, but I did it all on my own.
I rock!

treaclepudd Tue 08-Jul-08 22:23:46

Go for it girl! good for you even offering 'friendship'!!
lots to be said for indifference and numb... and yep, too right 'cockwart' is fantastic!

averyquickex Thu 10-Jul-08 20:24:13

ok, following on from this, I do want to be able to be amicable with him for the sake of ds.
But am I being unreasonable in asking that he finishes with his ho in order for this to happen?
My issue is that I cannot be amicable with someone who has so little respect for me and puts the interests of him and this ow above the needs of his family (like it or not, I am his family). I couldnt be friends with anyone else who had treated me like this - to me it is as cut and dry as either dump her and be friends and work amicably as co-parents (with him addressing my needs in that one), or just bugger off and never have contact with us again.

Tinkerbel6 Fri 11-Jul-08 15:59:04

avery you cant force him to dump her, all this will do is make him go behind your back and lie to you, sounds like she will be gone soon anyways, he sounds like a yoyo who will jump from one woman to another, do get yourself checked out, ring your local hospital and ask if they hold a clinic there.

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