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Will dad have the right to turn up at assemblies etc?

(8 Posts)
Mummyloves Mon 31-Jan-05 00:53:16

DS is a few weeks away from 4 and until now, was in a private day nursery since he was 18 months. ExDP didn't see him until he was 2 and since then DS hasn't wanted to go to him. Because contact broke down between ourselves, ie because DS didn't want to go to his dad he took me to court. Since May of last year, DS was supposed to see ExDP at a contact centre. Initially this went okish, until the court said ExDP could take him out on his own from the contact centre. After only 2 such contacts, DS started playing up, and after 4 visits, refused to go up the stairs to see his dad. The result was that after 5 times of taking him and DS refusing and crying etc and contacts being cancelled by the centre staff, there is no contact until a further hearing in March. A child Psychiatrist is to be apponted. My HV has referred my DS to the Child and Adolescant Mental Health Team. (Other issues - stammering, soiling, not sleeping etc as a result of these contacts or aborted contacts). I have just got a place for DS in a nursery school 5 mornings a week and his friend's mum, a childminder, who's son goes to the same nursery, is going to take over care from my SIL, who used to pick him up from day nursery. My brother is still going to take him to the childminder in the morning, as opposed to the day nursery like he used to. The day nursery bucked all his requests for information etc. he was only doing it for evidence for the court cases. The Nursery school have said that on request from him, and as long as he provides stamps etc, they will send him weekly newsletters and his reports. However, these newsletters will show details of assemblies etc that parents are invited to. Even though there is no court order, can I request to the school that he doesn't come? He won't have contact during the week and I couldn't be in the same room as him as he intimidates me to the extent that Iwas in hospital on New Year with suspected Heart problems. It wasn't luckily, it was the stress. How do Nursery schools or, Reception schools come to that, deal with this matter?

Sheila Mon 31-Jan-05 12:30:01

No direct experience but would've thought first step would be to talk to the nursery and explain the situation. Put something in writing that they can keep on record and refer to if you're not there- can contact centre/HV provide something that explains why contact isn't in your ds's best interests at the moment?

Does your XP have parental responsibility?

Sheila Mon 31-Jan-05 12:32:17

By the way - sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds absolutely awful!

msann Mon 31-Jan-05 12:39:32

have had experience of this (although my kids r older) as i understand it there is no way of preventing him attending school functions. I asked about this when it cropped up. The best thing for you to do is explain fully the situtation to school/nursery etc. Let them know whats going on & that you are not happy about the situation. Let them know who should pick your kids up & things like that so they know not to let ur ds leave with ur exP (shud it come to that)
You may find (like my dd's school have done) that although you request that he isnt informed of school functions they feel that they have a duty to do so. I asked my dds school not to inform him of functions until such a time as i thought he had demonstrated commintment to them (ie contact wasnt just a flash in the pan) imagine my total shock & anger when he turned up & sat in the row in front of me for their Xmas play (made even worse by the fact he brought his slapper of a gf & her two scrubber kids)
Feel free to ask about anything else that concerns u

msann Mon 31-Jan-05 12:53:42


Gem221983 Tue 01-Feb-05 16:43:25

Hey,im 22 and 24 weeks pregnant with my first baby (little boy).I am on my own,me & my partner split up after 3 years when i was 2 mths pregnant.Just wanted to hear that im not on my own out there!!!

PinkArjuna Tue 08-Feb-05 22:48:23

Mummyloves - Oh I sorry it is so hard. I am pregnant with a little boy (22 weeks) I haven't told the father we were never together and he treated me badly. I was worried that if I did tell him he could make the situation with me and the child unstable and emotionally not a situation I would want to bring a child into (I only met him twice and hated him). I worried if he had rights I could perhaps be sharing parenting with a man who couldn't repect me and perhaps use the child to his whims and fancies. I would hate to be the person who instigated contact perhaps to bring on a very disturbed childhood.

Hope he doesn't turn up at school functions.

Gem221983 it is scary sometimes isn't it...

nightowl Wed 09-Feb-05 00:36:17

hi mummyloves, sorry i really dont know the answer to your question. its not a situation ive been in yet and i often wonder how i would feel now if dd's dad made contact..pleased in one way but maybe my dream would turn sour if he messed her about...seems no win doesnt it? wish i had some good advice for you

hi gem, youre not on your own here..quite a few of us have had the same-ish. are you new? were you lurking? (i sometimes think people are new when they arent, there's so many of us! but im often on this board) if you need support youre in the right place xx

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