experience of single parent holiday with a four year old

[alice123]

Last year I went on holiday on my own my then four year old son. We went with a company for single parents to Tunisia. The holiday wasn't easy partly because we didn't arrive till 2am and in retrospect he was too young for that. He also didn't like the food and has always been quite fussy.

All in all he loved the holiday though and it was a good break for us.

What I found really hard though was that despite everyone being a single parent, my son was amonst the youngest there and he found the staying up late (we all ate together about 8pm each evening) really difficult as he is used to going to bed early. It was also all new to him. He is normally a really well behaved child, perfect for his age although he is lively he is really good most of the time. On the holiday though because of things he wasn't used to such as having to sit in a restaurant at 8pm and not run around he did play up and was on occasion quite a handful. For example at mealtimes, the children were supposed to sit at separate tables to the adults. At four he found this quite difficult.

Because of this other people on the holiday made comments. One said I think well meaning 'have you ever seen supernanny?'. The only other woman with a four year old quickly paired off with a man and despite our children really hitting it off and her initially being really friendly, completely distanced herself from us and wouldn't let her son play with mine. I know she saw him as unruly and me not disciplining him but I was really hurt for my son.

I felt that although my son was not on good behaviour on the holiday that it was hard for him. The woman who had a four year old put her son to bed for 2 hours each day alone in her hotel room while she went to sunbathe so that she could then keep him up till midnight. Of course I wouldn't have done that but then had the aftermath of a tired child in the evening and we had to leave at 9pm in the evenings.

Anyway, this year I want to take my son away again as he would love it and is a bit older. I may go with the same company and would go somewhere less far. I am more aware of his limitations as well but am still really hurt by the insinuations that I had an impossible child from last year's holiday.

[alice123]

I would really like some advice...???

[retiredgoth]

.....don't worry about the insinuations, the odd looks and unspoken criticisms. I have felt those too, but sod 'em, the kids (and adults) need the holiday!

I took my four to Lanzagrotty alone in April. Everyone else was a nuclear family with one boy and one girl. It was like a series of Ask the Family, just Robert Robinson missing.

....and then there was me, with my four unruly primary age boys. Sigh.

Still, it was fun. Returned from Center Parcs yesterday having taken my 4 PLUS 2 other kids...

...they were girls, though, so were no problem at all!

[retiredgoth]

Which doesn't sound much like advice! Sorry, will try again....

.... don't worry about it, or perhaps just book a regular holiday rather than a specific Lone Parent one. That way you will get less social contact (I was plainly a Martian in Lanzarote) but can at least rid yourself of the unwanted social attention that you got on your last trip..

[ChasingSquirrels]

not entirely sure what advice you were after?
what about something self catering with a friend and children? or not a lone parent thing? going with family?

[alice123]

The reason I went on a lone parent one was because I didn't have any one else to go with. The only thing I wanted to say was how upset I was by it all really and just whether it me/my son or not? don't know really...

[alice123]

The reason I went on a lone parent one was because I didn't have any one else to go with. The only thing I wanted to say was how upset I was by it all really and just whether it me/my son or not? don't know really...

[ChasingSquirrels]

humm, I read it initially and thought it was more an experience posting and didn't know how to respond.
What sort of holiday would YOU enjoy?

[alice123]

I would have really enjoyed the holiday had my son been able to cope with it a bit better (which I hope he will be able to this year) and therefore play up and therefore be judged a bad parent.

[harpomarx]

that holiday sounds grim alice - don't put yourself through it again!

why not plan your holiday around something your ds really loves - beaches? castles? have a really chilled time where you just enjoy each other's company, do kids' stuff and don't try to fit him into someone else regime.

I am a single parent and have had various kinds of holidays - best are with other parents and kids (not as organised tour, but with friends) but have also done self catering with my parents (also great but more tiring cos you're trying to keep everyone happy!) and travelled alone to visit friends abroad.

[Kewcumber]

I don;thave a four year old yet but I wouldn't venture abroad with mine wihout support. We'll be sticking to the Isle of WIght for a while

[Kewcumber]

agree with harpo - try to make friends with peoplebefore going on holdiay with them. Theer's a newish group called singlewithkids which arranged lcaol meet ups as well as holidays.

[alice123]

I know it would be better to go with friends but don't have anyone to go with this year. could try singlewithkids but it would be fairly soon and obviously don't know them. I felt that a single parent holiday was better than just going alone as it would be more company for both of us.

[harpomarx]

ok then, how about a different company?

any of these sound any good?

[alice123]

will have a look, thank you.

[Kewcumber]

would you consider a cruise - I think it would work quite well as a single parent. Might be expensive though.

[harpomarx]

good luck alice, hope you find something you like!

btw, if you do go somewhere hot again where you eat later than normal, I would try having a siesta with your ds - it will help him stay up later without being overtired and will help you chill as well (not suggesting you do as mad sunbathing woman did!)

I heart siestas!

[alice123]

yes a cruise probably would be good but probably too expensive. Like the idea in some ways though. It was critism of my son and my parenting that I found upsetting and I think unjustified though

[sexandthecitylover]

I think when you go on holiday alone with DCs you have to just grow a thick skin. Also I know I have also felt self conscious when I was alone with the DCS and have felt slightly awkward.

I have taken them on holiday alone twice - once when they were 2 and 6 (H was working away). I went to a famous sporting type venue/complex in Murcia, Spain with an afternoon kids club. I did feel odd but decided to roll with it and on balance it wasn't too bad.

Second was last year now divorced. Went to a more intimate apt complex on one of the Balaerics ( I had been before so knew what to expect). We slept late and stayed up late.

I did have a few moments esp around the pool and maybe people were thinking oh single parent. And people were slightly reticent to talk to me.

BUT we did have a really good time the DCs loved it. They are pretty boisterous and fight alot. But I just had to get on with it and we are going back next year.

It's very difficult I know - I think the siesta would be a good idea.

Good luck

[gillybean2]

I took my son to New Zealand to see his grandparents via disney in California when he was 4. Both countries being English speaking made it far easier all round on many levels, especially as we are both vegeterian and fussy eaters. We didn't eat out much and when we did it was mostly pizza so no real food issues to worry about etc.

I also went on holiday with a group of lone parents recently (son now 9) and I would say it's better to join in some rather than all the activities and make time to do your own thing. Self cater if you can and when you do eat together in a group try and make it simple (eg get a takeaway rather than go out so you can feed your son what he's like rather than the takeaway).

If you can't think of doing it on your own, and can't find someone to go with then I suggest you think about a self catering type lone parent holiday, or one where you're not tied into eating at a specific time. Also before you book it phone and speak to the organisers about how the arrangements will work (ie your son is younger and unlikely to deal with staying up late and is there an alternative to having to eat in the restaurant together at 8pm).

Think about the kind of holiday you want and your son needs. You said it wasn't easy last year, well make sure it is this year! Holidays should be relaxed and not stressful. Try and avoid teh stress by forward planning. You know what questions to ask now. Look at it as a learning experience and pick the bits you enjoyed and avoid the ones you didn't.

If he can't cope with eating at 8pm in a restaurant then simply don't go to it. Also think about closer to home if the travelling was hard work. There's some lovely beaches in the UK. Or think about somewhere with a swimming pool and some farm animals to pet/feed.

Going in a group isn't much fun if everyone tries to avoid you now is it! So please don't rule out going on your own. Yes it has downsides, but it can be a lot easier in some ways too. I was at centre parcs last weekend and met another mum and her two boys there. So you might well find company where ever you are.

And I completely agree with you that it's unaceptable to leave a small child alone to sleep while you go off to the beach. Do people really still do this after maddy disappeared?! Unbelievable.

Gilly

[Popple]

I've just got back from a 7 day holiday in Greece with my 2 girls. dd1 is 7 and dd2 4yrs old. We went self-catering on a very small complex and had a wonderful time. The girls met other kids around the pool or beach and had playmates every day.

We often had a siesta in the afternoon and just did exactly what suited us. We met lots of lovely people who were very chatty (and often very nosey) and for me that was enough. I have lots of people around me at home so it was kind of nice to focus on my girls entirely. I was more tired than the girls by the end of each day and fell asleep before them most evenings! My lifesaver was our portable DVD player so they chilled out at night to one of their favourite films, whilst I read or slept!
The type of holiday you describe is my idea of hell! For me, having a holiday means getting away from the constraints of routine and being forced together with a group is always going to throw up different issues. Judgemental comments from people who know nothing about you or your son are rude and not something you should have to put up with - nevermind the intentions of the person saying them.

We struggled with food a bit but I decided to chill out and just get fruit into them during the day. They mainly ate ice-creams, chips and cookies which is far from ideal but it took away the stress and we are all detoxing now!

Do you really need to go as part of a single-parent group?

[Tinkerbel6]

alice even though you went with a group it sounds like you were on your own anyways, maybe best if you go on your own next time and plan the holiday around the things that your son would like or maybe see if any folks on here (who are a bit more understanding ) would like to group up and go away

[Leslaki]

I'm taking my 2 abroad this year for the first time on our own. We're going her: www.portofelice.it with canvas Life. The campsite looks fab - right on the beach with pools and a KIDS CLUB and LOADS to do for the kids. I thought if I go somewhere with lots of child realted stuff they'll be busy and happy and I'll prbably get the chance to meet/talk to other parents down at the pool, kids club, mini disco etc! If not I'm taking dvds, books etc! caming is so easy - we're staying in a 2 bed mobile home and will be BBQing or eating in the campsite restaurant as and when it suits us. No set times for anything (except kids club of course!). I was a bit worried as in previous years we aways drove to french campsites and I won't have a car this yea but I'm sure I'll cope! there's meant to be an excellent bus service just outside campsite into venice, Lido di jesolo etc. Flying into venice and either getting bus or taxi to campsite. Have to admit I'm really looking forward to it.

Why don't you try something like that?

[Anna8888]

Club Med? That's where all the single parents I know go (and find new partners ). Very good kids clubs etc.

[Tinkerbel6]

Leslaki that looks great quite fancy that myself.