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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

hes being unreasonable bout access

36 replies

somebody · 19/01/2005 15:45

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Earlybird · 19/01/2005 15:49

How old is your dd? Where will he take her on "his days"? Does he have suitable accomodation? Does he live nearby?

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Earlybird · 19/01/2005 15:50

Also, meant to say I'm sorry about the split, and hope you're ok.

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somebody · 19/01/2005 16:07

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somebody · 19/01/2005 16:41

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pedilia · 19/01/2005 16:45

oh how i feel for you, i am in a similar situation and the most frustarting thing is how ex seems to think that it is a battle over a posession not thinking about the effects on a four year old. I haven't read your other threads but have you taken legal advice ?

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pedilia · 19/01/2005 16:45

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hippi · 19/01/2005 16:45

Both of you need to take your time - yesterday really is recent. you don't want to be arguing about access yet - although i do realsie that it's probably taking your mind off other things. I'd just say to him that it's too early for both of you at the moment to make decisions about access, and ask him if he'd be willing to sit down next week sometime to discuss it. It's not that i don't think 2 - 4 weekends a month is unreasonable I think it's very reasonable - have read some of you othet threads. I just think that at this point of time you need to conncentrate on you how your feeling and your little girl. Big ((hugs))Thinking of you!

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somebody · 19/01/2005 18:00

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somebody · 19/01/2005 18:02

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hippi · 20/01/2005 09:25

Tell him then that as she is with you - he will be able to see her when it is conveinient for you. No arguments. Tell him if he doesn't like it to seek further advice. i doubt he's been to see a solicitor. Hopefully your dad talking to him might help. Sorry not being a great help ... ((hugs))

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lunavix · 20/01/2005 09:43

I don't have any legal knowledge so please don't take this as gospel but from what I know, the child is placed with the mother when they are young, unless there is a good reason why they should live with their father (and this has to be serious ie drug habit, prison etc)

And for your child to live with you... means more than 50% of the time. A child needs a home, not to be shipped between two places. I really doubt any court would allow that, or any solicitor would suggest it. Just tell him you can get legal aid and if that's what he's been told you are more than happy to fight him. I expect it's all rubbish.

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hippi · 20/01/2005 10:00

My dh only gets to see his boys from first marriage every other sunday, and they divorced because she had an affair so nothing like your situation - thefore if the courts ruled that a loving non abusive man should only see his kid twice a month on a sunday, your 2-4 weekends a month is more than reasonable. Also maybe remind him that because of unamicable splits, and the father being unrealistic and unreasonable 40% of fathers never get to see their children - so he'd would be one of the lucky ones. Stick to your guns - get some legal advice. And good luck to you and your little dd!

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weightwatchingwaterwitch · 20/01/2005 10:12

2-4 weekends is reasonable imo. He was violent, I think he lost any right to consideration for his feelings when he hit you. Go to the Citizens advice bureau for advice.