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hes being unreasonable bout access

(37 Posts)
somebody Wed 19-Jan-05 15:45:47

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Earlybird Wed 19-Jan-05 15:49:39

How old is your dd? Where will he take her on "his days"? Does he have suitable accomodation? Does he live nearby?

Earlybird Wed 19-Jan-05 15:50:13

Also, meant to say I'm sorry about the split, and hope you're ok.

somebody Wed 19-Jan-05 16:07:28

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somebody Wed 19-Jan-05 16:41:54

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pedilia Wed 19-Jan-05 16:45:05

oh how i feel for you, i am in a similar situation and the most frustarting thing is how ex seems to think that it is a battle over a posession not thinking about the effects on a four year old. I haven't read your other threads but have you taken legal advice ?

pedilia Wed 19-Jan-05 16:45:06

oh how i feel for you, i am in a similar situation and the most frustarting thing is how ex seems to think that it is a battle over a posession not thinking about the effects on a four year old. I haven't read your other threads but have you taken legal advice ?

hippi Wed 19-Jan-05 16:45:37

Both of you need to take your time - yesterday really is recent. you don't want to be arguing about access yet - although i do realsie that it's probably taking your mind off other things. I'd just say to him that it's too early for both of you at the moment to make decisions about access, and ask him if he'd be willing to sit down next week sometime to discuss it. It's not that i don't think 2 - 4 weekends a month is unreasonable I think it's very reasonable - have read some of you othet threads. I just think that at this point of time you need to conncentrate on you how your feeling and your little girl. Big ((hugs))Thinking of you!

somebody Wed 19-Jan-05 18:00:51

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somebody Wed 19-Jan-05 18:02:00

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hippi Thu 20-Jan-05 09:25:47

Tell him then that as she is with you - he will be able to see her when it is conveinient for you. No arguments. Tell him if he doesn't like it to seek further advice. i doubt he's been to see a solicitor. Hopefully your dad talking to him might help. Sorry not being a great help ... ((hugs))

lunavix Thu 20-Jan-05 09:43:30

I don't have any legal knowledge so please don't take this as gospel but from what I know, the child is placed with the mother when they are young, unless there is a good reason why they should live with their father (and this has to be serious ie drug habit, prison etc)

And for your child to live with you... means more than 50% of the time. A child needs a home, not to be shipped between two places. I really doubt any court would allow that, or any solicitor would suggest it. Just tell him you can get legal aid and if that's what he's been told you are more than happy to fight him. I expect it's all rubbish.

hippi Thu 20-Jan-05 10:00:17

My dh only gets to see his boys from first marriage every other sunday, and they divorced because she had an affair so nothing like your situation - thefore if the courts ruled that a loving non abusive man should only see his kid twice a month on a sunday, your 2-4 weekends a month is more than reasonable. Also maybe remind him that because of unamicable splits, and the father being unrealistic and unreasonable 40% of fathers never get to see their children - so he'd would be one of the lucky ones. Stick to your guns - get some legal advice. And good luck to you and your little dd!

weightwatchingwaterwitch Thu 20-Jan-05 10:12:33

2-4 weekends is reasonable imo. He was violent, I think he lost any right to consideration for his feelings when he hit you. Go to the Citizens advice bureau for advice.

lunavix Thu 20-Jan-05 10:13:37

Oh I forgot he was violent...

tbh he'd be lucky to get his weekends then.

somebody Thu 20-Jan-05 11:31:21

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hippi Thu 20-Jan-05 11:37:25

If you were provoked it's different! Talk to citizens advice let us know what they say.

rickman Thu 20-Jan-05 11:39:28

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hippi Thu 20-Jan-05 14:39:53

Hi somebody, i probably on't be posting til Monday now as dh has time off and hogs computer. So don't think i'm deserting you - thinking of you.

hippi Thu 20-Jan-05 14:40:18

that should be won't not on't .... sorry

somebody Thu 20-Jan-05 15:12:23

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hippi Thu 20-Jan-05 16:37:59

i'd call it being provoked! Anyway i am off now - will be thinking about you over weekend.Good luck with the meeting. Will be back monday promise!

somebody Thu 20-Jan-05 17:11:48

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somebody Thu 20-Jan-05 20:47:13

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somebody Mon 24-Jan-05 07:43:32

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