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[Aarrgghh]

I have DS 2.7yrs and have been alone with him since pregnancy, i was only with his father for a very short time who when i told him I was pregnant he told me he as married and could not be part of his life. I decided to go it alone. I told him when DS arrived and there was nothing. He did not come with me to register the birth. When I found out I would lose part of my benefits i text him and he said he would pay this, so I get £100 a month from him since DS was 4 months.

When DS was 18 months I received a phone call from his wife asking me the truth so i told her, we did a DNA test to confirm this. They said they would be in touch within a couple of months as in trying to involve DS with thier lives. They have a DS older and a DS younger. I did not hear from them from over a year - in this time i text the odd time asking if they had made a decision - he told me to hang fire. My friends had split decisions on this half saying no don't wait, i thought well i got myself in this situation so i should wait.

Within this time I found out his address (300k detached house) and in April of this year I wrote them both a letter asking what was happening and I wanted his name on the birth certificate - if not I was going to CSA. Sorry for threatening him but just thought I would not hear anything at all and needed to test them. I got a reply the same day it was put through the door. He agreed. We met at register office and his pretty much opening question was 'are you going to CSA' - I said i don't know and looked away. I then asked if he intended to see DS he said he thought about meeting at the park a few hours a month and gradually introduce the boys to each other. I believed him. He said he would be in touch in a couple of weeks.

A month has now passed and not heard a thing until yesterday when I bumped straight into him - he had both his DS's, my DS was not with me. I asked why he had not been in touch - he stood and told me to my face there would never be any contact as he could not risk upsetting his life at the moment. I just walked off.

Now I am angry - I know I decided to go ahead and do this alone but I just want to hurt him and the only place I can think of is his pocket by going to the CSA. I know I am probably not being rational a the moment and have not been too bothered over the last two and a half years so why now? Probably because I heard it from the horses mouth.

I current work 3 days a week and get help with my rent so if I went to CSA it would probably just take that benefit away from myself so would mean I am doing it for no reason - but I am so angry and hurt at this moment. Also think that I am taking the money away from the other two boys.

He is in the Police Force a couple of rungs up the ladder and can afford a 300K house - any advice other than get a grip???

[eenybeeny]

I agree with notjustmom. He owes your child support. He created a life and should bear some responsibility for supporting it. It would ideally be emotionally as well as financially but that clearly isnt going to happen so if I were you I would make damn sure I got child support.

[SmugColditz]

He dipped his willy, he should bear the consequences. Go to the CSA.

It's his job to think about his other children, and it was his job when he was styicking his dick in you - it never was and never will be your job.

They won't take away more than you get now. You can only be better off, and he should pay for his children. All of them.

[Youcannotbeserious]

Agree with noyjustmom.

Even if you are no better off, why should your DS grow up on benefits when his father can and should pay.

You can't force him to look after his child emotionally, but i think you should financially.

[Aarrgghh]

Thanks all - didn't take it as a dig at all I claimed IS for 4 months until i secured a nursery place for DS and now I get £132 a month HB - so i agree that yes he could be paying that amount rather than taxpayers. Yes definitely had those lectures - its unbelievable at 32 years of age I can be in this mess.

I think that part of me that has not made me do this before is because i felt it was what i deserved - but now its what DS deserves.

Thanks again

[madamez]

He has a legal obligation to pay towards the care of his child. If he refuses, the courts can stop the monehy out of his wages. DOn't feel guilty about it, he owes the money and must pay it.