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Ex's parents demanding more and more access ...

(10 Posts)
Roo77 Mon 17-Jan-05 19:50:49

...even though he has never seen her and wants nothing to do with her.
When we were together he was very loving but I realised he had a drink/drugs problem but I was foolish and kept seeing him. Despite being on the pill I fell pregnant. The doctors thought it was ectopic at first and he left me to go to hospital alone while he went to a party . When the baby was ok he said he would change...of course he carried on drinking etc
It's too depressing to go into really so I won't bore you but he stopped seeing me when I was 3 months pregnant.
My problem is that his parents want to be involved. It's hard for me becuase they remind me of him and they think he is in a phase and if he just saw her...I have never stopped him, he has never shown a bit of interest. The parents cannot accept this.
I agreed for them to see her once a month and they keep ringing and pushing for more. I feel so dreadful. I guess that is why I am on here talking away. How can I make them understand? Apologies for going on and on..

weightwatchingwaterwitch Mon 17-Jan-05 20:00:48

I think you're being kind lettting them see her once a month and you shouldn't let them pressurise you into making it more unless you're happy with it and it's what you want. If it is, then great, involved grandparents can be a fantastic thing.

Roo77 Mon 17-Jan-05 20:06:18

I wanted her to have her grandparents even if she didn't have a dad who was there. It's just they make me feel like I am being difficult. They jsut want to see her more.

weightwatchingwaterwitch Mon 17-Jan-05 20:08:51

Well is there any way you could let them in a way that was convenient to you? i.e. in your house while you go out to the cinema or shopping or yoga or something? If you could it seems to me everyone would be happy (as long as you are entirely happy about leaving her with them and she is happy being left with them).

Roo77 Mon 17-Jan-05 20:12:21

Just a bit worried about them trying to take over.

bellbottoms Mon 17-Jan-05 20:58:10

hello - what do your parents feel? I agree that grandparents can be great - think about your being able to have a week off in the summer a few years from now..(with the new man in your life!). If your ds has plenty of relatives from your side, then great, but if she doesn't, then if these people are kind and loving to her, and understnading to you (do they ask about how you are, as well as her?), then maybe help them have contact..perhaps with your parent/s to. But if they want to have contact with her as if you don't exist, then stick to your guns! (my ds has gp's who live in the US, I though great, until they're now threathening to spend more time here, as have bought cottage - I am trying to see the 'free hols' for my ds as he gets older, side, but it is difficult at times!)

SecondhandRose Tue 18-Jan-05 11:21:54

If they are kind and loving to your child, why not let them see him/her? If they accept their son has a problem and keep your child away from him then fine.

Don't push them away it must be really hard for them too. As WWWW says use it to your benefit.

aloha Tue 18-Jan-05 11:26:03

They'll never, ever, ever replace you. You are his mummy. My ds worships his grandma, he really does, and it's mutual between them, but I'm still numero uno!

Caligula Tue 18-Jan-05 11:27:47

I agree you'd probably be best off allowing them to see more of DD, but on your terms and only if they are respectful towards you and do not try to undermine your authority.

Also, try not to discuss their DS with them. They will be in deep denial about what a crap father he is for some time, unless they are very unusual people. Their blindness to his faults will just wind you up and cause you stress you don't need.

piffle Tue 18-Jan-05 11:47:16

I split with my exp when I was 3 mths pregnant and he disappeared
I actually went to his mum (who was slightly mad but nice enough person) myself and asked her if she wanted to be involved.
Given that you have no support from exp it is pretty hopeful that they would like to be involved, you may find it very helpful in the future, but you are right to worry about them becoming dominant, so do keep it on your terms as much as possible, perhaps invite them round for afternoon tea once or twice for an hour or so to test the water, get to know what they want and how they see it.
Good luck it is really hard, thankfully my exp's mum lives in NZ and exp is now a model father at weekends

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