help for scared mum who will have to meet with CAFCASS re staying contact for young son in unsuitable situation

[skinnybee]

Help! I am due to meet with CAFCASS soon because hostile ex want my son to sleep in new home with new girlfriend and I feel that it will be unsafe for him. Anyone had experience of CAFCASS in thise situations and got any advice for me please [sad}

[ScummyMummy]

Have a look here skinnybee, if you haven't already. Lots of info and answers to FAQ in the parents section. I think the key is to think about why you feel your son would be unsafe with your ex and his new girlfriend- Cafcass will need evidence that it would not be in your son's best interests to sleep over, I guess. Is your feeling based on your ex's past behaviour?

[northstar]

Hi skinnybee, sorry no experience with cafcass, but there will be lots of others here with good advice for you soon i hope. I just wanted you to know that there are alot of us in similar situations and it really is a horrible predicament to be in. Dont be afraid to fight this battle for your sons security,safety and peace of mind is the only important thing here. {{{{hugs}}}}}

[skinnybee]

Thanks scummymummy Yes long history of disappearance, irresponsibility etc . Also has used son to get at me because resentful . Has treated him bad and left him in very distressed state several times in last few months claiming in front of son that new gf is his first priority. She very unstable and pathologically jealous and possessive. She phone and track him down hourly and worried this will affect my son who has had consistent high standard of care and loving thus far in his 6 years but fear unable to protect him at tender age if he with two untrustworthy supposed adults. If he was ten then probably be less worried but he still cant stand up for himself or keep himself safe. Just want to slow it all down a lot. Has been very stressful 8 months and have very littel support from family.{sad}xx

[skinnybee]

Thanks too to you Northstar for your supportx

[ScummyMummy]

Poor you, skinnybee. Sounds horrid. I think you need to keep a record of all incidents that affect your son. However, do be careful to show that you are aware that the affect on you and the affect on your son are two separate matters.

[northstar]

Yes scummymummy, very good point. It kills me to send ds to his dd but have to swallow my pride and give it a go for ds sake - although I watch ds reactions like a hawk and any hint whatsoever of any reluctance or lack of enthusiasm and i will re-consider. I did refuse overnights until I was absolutely convinced it was the right thing for ds to do though. Consistency is very important I find.

[skinnybee]

good advice ScummyMummy, will do. Just worried that this relationship not settled too . My son already been involved with one of his ex girlfriends (whom we still have contact with and was very sensitive to my son) and I think it shaky with this new one! How many homes must my son be introduced to by his father with various relationships he picks up and drops? He just wont wait until there is a steady one and just see my son on his own and take him out. BAsis consideration to keep his private life seperate until he committed and settled. Not much to ask. But he insist on trying to introduce this new one after 3 dates! on her insistence and she been horrid and interfering . She has no right to be part of my sons life so soon. I know it hard when your partner has a link with an ex because of child but she knew that and she old enough to be more sensitive. She should realise that there no chance of us getting back. I cant stand him He bin winding her up tho that part of problem. Oh hell why life so bloody difficult?