How the bloody hell do I move on....?

[fedupofbeingfedup]

I'm new here but I really need some advice.

I have been split from my ex for four and a half years but I am still in love with him, and its affecting every relationship I have, no matter how much I try, the guys I see are nice and that but when I see my ex, who I have a son with, it just reminds me how much I love him, its doing my head in now, I am so fed up of it affecting my relationships but there is no way I can cut him out of my life because of my son.

Any ideas anyone, or maybe someone is in the same situation and can sympathise.....

[Earlybird]

Maybe you should try again with your ex, if he still haunts you after all this time.

[davidtennantsmistress]

I am but not as far down the line, can fully sympathse XH left us last sept, had been with XP for close to 4 months (split up today) and after everything i've finally admitted to myself today and said it out loud that yes I do love XH still.

all I can hope is things will get better eventually, & am going to give it some time of being alone to work things out before getting involved again)

[ElizabethBeresfordSW19]

Well, the father of my children is a deadbeat and a negative boring bully, so ... I have no trouble forgetting him.

But I was dumped about ten years ago by somebody I loved and it was hideous. I wallowed in it for a long time. I say wallowed because, although I WAS heartbroken, I didn't PUSH the thoughts from my head. I allowed them to wander round and round and round with nowhere to go. There was never any conclusion to the things I used to wonder. I never came any closer to understanding WHY?

I know it must be so much harder when you have a son though.

All I can suggest is that you see as little as possible of him. It's hard to let your mind wander in that direction when you haven't seen him for MONTHS.

Did he end things? But want to "remain friends" yadda yadda?

[fedupofbeingfedup]

My ex is married, not happily might I add but still married, so not much chance of giving it another go.

[fedupofbeingfedup]

No, I ended it cos we didnt get on! Sounds mad doesnt it, we used to row like mad, but we have both learned to get on with each other now after all this time which doesnt help, and we have this amazing sexual chemistry between us that drives me nuts!!

[fedupofbeingfedup]

He also keeps telling me he still loves me......argh, its so complicated and bloody frustrating.

[Earlybird]

Sounds an impossible situation, as he is not available.

If I were you, I'd tell him to stop saying those things because it's inappropriate, and disloyal to his wife. Would also arrange for drop off/pick up of your ds to be at someone else's house (relative or friend) so that you don't have to encounter him. Minimise contact as much as possible.

[fedupofbeingfedup]

Yeh, Earlybird, you're right, I think that is the only way isnt it. He shows up at my house unannounced and goes on about how he cant stop thinking about me, but its clearly a way of trying to get me into bed cos he still fanices me, but anyway, yeh, minimal contact I think is the only way forward, time to be strong and put my foot down, thanks everyone.

[allgonebellyup]

oh my god you poor thing, i am in the exact same position, also have a ds with him, except that i am one year down the line. i would LOVE to have my ex back but he wont have me.It makes me suicidal on bad days.

dont know what to suggest! though the fact he says he still loves you is a great starting point!

[littlewoman]

There's nothing wrong with loving your ex still, but I would be very careful that he's not just trying to have his cake and eat it (I'm the suspicious type).

If he wants you back then he will one day prove it, I think. Personally, I couldn't bear to be married to one person when I loved another, so if he isn't happy with her he will move on. THEN would be the time I took him back. At the moment, he might just be behaving like a bit of a cake man (clearly you would know best - but personally I wouldn't be prepared to be 'the bit on the side' to somebody who was once my husband. Pride, I suppose).

[MeMySonAndI]

I'm not quite sure he is a nice person. Why does he tells you he still loves you when he is married? if he were really unhappily married he would be with you already, considering the chemistry and that you have a son together...

As you say, it may be the sexual chemistry talking, that, in its own, it's not love.

Try to remember why the relationship finished in the first place, it is easy to idealise a person when you only have short conversations with him.