Have been a dreadful mum for the past few weeks-will she be affected long term?

[Feelingbetterslowly]

Am suffering from a bereavement and am not coping brilliantly. I've been horrendous to my dd (4) since the weekend, culminating in me screaming at her so badly my throat hurt and pulling her by the wrist as she wouldn't walk.

She keeps hitting and kicking me and I don't know how to stop it. We are generally a very loving and calm family, but I feel so much guilt for my behaviour towards her this weekend, and also don't know how to stop her hitting and kicking me, as nothing seems to work-help!!! I can't look other parents in the face as I feel so ashamed of my parenting skills this weekend (normally I am fairly controlled and fair but the techniques just went out of the window this weekend).

[cadelaide]

Don't feel bad FBS, she won't remember and you feeling guilty isn't going to help anyone. You're obviously doing the best you can.

I don't know what would be the "right" approach, but i think i would talk to her and tell her you're feeling out of sorts but that everything will be ok.

The kicking and hitting needs to stop though. It took me forever to get the message through to DS1 (now nearly 9) about hitting. Honestly, I thought I was raising a monster but he's a love now so don't despair. I would either send her to her room for, say 15 mins, or withdraw something like a toy or tv. I used to find it especially hard when i was out and about though. I think you need to have a punishment in the back of your mind just in case, IYSWIM. I always used to find myself floundering and feeling ineffectual.

[AMAZINWOMAN]

Normally, you are fairly controlled, but the bereavement has quite understandly hit you hard.

Could it be that your daughter, isnt used to you being like this, and that is why she is hitting and kicking you? She may be reacting to your behaviour

[Feelingbetterslowly]

Thank you both so muich, sorry I haven't been on, my wifi is hit and miss at the mo!! I feel so much better just being able to admit to it to someone-we had a parent's evening at nursery last night and all these parents were so calm and sweet with their kiddies I couldn't imagine them ever blowing up on their children, but it must happen occasionally! I bet they look at everyone else and think the same thing! Have bought her a growling bear, so that she has a "friend" who she can talk to and who can talk back to (and agree with!) her if she thinks I am being unreasonable, and have also bought a notebook in which I will go off and write in instead of exploding why I feel like I do at that point in time, what was the cause and how it can be remedied, and by the time I've done all of that I should be calm again! .

Thank you you two, really, I was so worried that I had abused her emotionally or something and that there would be dreadful repercussions!

[AMAZINWOMAN]

I haven't met any Mums who haven't shouted at their kids!

parents are usually under a lot of stress, trying to hold down a job, money problems, couples who argue, etc and Im sure there must be lots of Mums who shout more than they want too.

[AMAZINWOMAN]

I haven't met any Mums who haven't shouted at their kids!

parents are usually under a lot of stress, trying to hold down a job, money problems, couples who argue, etc and Im sure there must be lots of Mums who shout more than they want too.

[cadelaide]

Wow FBS, you sound really good at this Mothering business.

I don't think it hurts kids to see a bit of stress and anger sometimes. It's all part of learning how to cope with a wide range of emotions, and they learn that the world doesn't end with a bit of shouting.

My Mum's a family mediator, she says that in her experience kids can cope with pretty much anything if you tell them what's going on (within the bounds of what they can understand, of course).

[littlewoman]

You're not a dreadful mum, you're a sad and grieving mum. Don't be too hard on yourself. I found what Cadelaide said is true,

'kids can cope with pretty much anything if you tell them what's going on (within the bounds of what they can understand, of course)'.

You might explain to her that you are sad about xyz, so until you feel better let's try to be extra nice to each other. Most mum's try their damnedest to do their best by their children, I'm sure you are no different, and though you have made mistakes this week, compare that to the things you have got right this week and all the things you generally do for her when you are feeling your normal self. ((()))