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Feel so helpless

(6 Posts)
sweetmamma Mon 10-Jan-05 11:16:02

My Partner has put me through hell the last week by telling me he didnt know how he felt about me anymore or whether he wanted to be a father. This came as a complete shock to me. I told him to have time to think about it and get back to me when he knows what he wants. The thing is he is under stress because his family done know about me at all and would probably disown him- (culture thing). SO he is terrified of telling them and I think that this is why he is being so wierd. I dont know what to do now. Any advice??

amynnixmum Mon 10-Jan-05 11:18:05

Sorry no advice but {{{hugs}}}. I'm sure someone on here will know what you are going through.

karenanne Mon 10-Jan-05 11:46:07

hi sweetmamma..ive been there with the not knowing what he wants thing.its horrible isnt it.

my advice is let him get on with it,hard i know but the best thing for you at the mo.then you and your child/children get on with things the best you can.sadly your in the situation where your damned if you do and damned if you arguing or pleading with him you may make him rush into a decision,not make enough fuss and he'll think you dont care.
let him know how you feel about him without pressurising him and let him go and make his decision,with luck he'll come back to you.but show him you can and will be strong without him,it may help him decide.

,ive been there and sadly my ex decided becoming single was what he wanted .ive realised now it was for the best ,hes a better father now and im better off as staying for the sake of the kids is no good at all.

good luck and hugs((()))

tjgx Tue 11-Jan-05 10:24:43

hi going through the same thing now!!im 4 months pregnant..the father 2b isnt interersted..he didnt mind doing the do..but when a pregnancy comes..their off as far as their nike trainers will take family r just coming round 2 the idea that my baby will b im getting some support but very little ..all the father 2b is is doing is giving me abuse...n ive chose now 2 keep well away...first of all ur partner knew what he was doing when he got involved with was a choice he made..most men do get scared at at first to becoming a father n tend 2 come round 2 the idea later on!!...but its now that u need the support..n if he cant b there 4 u in this way..the let him b...dont let him walk in out as he chooses..i know its very hard when feelings r involved but u have 2 b strong 4 urself...n not 2 get stressed out its not good 4 the baby....just give him the space he needs...but ur needs and the bbys comes first!!..what karenanne says its true...let him c that u dont care n that u will do it alone if u have 2,being pregnant is an emotional time 4u...but we will give u support when u need it!!take care n keep us posted xxxxxx

Kelly1978 Tue 11-Jan-05 11:03:11

Hi sweetmama,

Your partner must be very scared at the moment. My bf is Indian and he had to make the choice of his family or me a few months back. He always planned to be with me, but it was still a very difficult thing for him to do. His family are still speaking to him, but things are very tense where me and our expected babies are concerned.

It must be very hard for you, but I think the most important thing is not to pressure him. Give him some time and hopefully he will find the strength to face up to his family. becoming a dad is hard enough as it is, he may just need time to come to accept all that is going on.

Other cultures have very different ideas of family and respect, and it will be really hard for him to stand up to his family.

sweetmamma Wed 12-Jan-05 19:46:09

Thanks for all your advice,

Im still really confused about where I stand although he has said he loves me and the baby, and will be there for us, I dont know what to think. To be honest Im making plans without him I dont realy want to rely on him because I dont feel as though I can trust him right now.

I know it will be hard for him to tell his parents and I will give him space but I odnt wanna be that fool living on promises and forever waiting for him to tell. I have to be making serious decisions about where we are gonna live, and what we can afford and I feel like Im doing it alone.

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