I've posted in a previous name here about the problems ive had with exp (before I somehow managed to delete myself).
Im aware how I always seem to be whinging so try and imagine this post in a non-whiny voice .
Exp has had little interest in ds over the last 9 years. His contact has been sporadic at best. Last year around this time I finally had enough and stopped contact due to him messing ds about so much.
After 3 months he finally called, said he missed ds. So we tried again. I went through months of ds being upset at school, not trusting his dad to turn up etc and we finally seemed to get to a point where he felt settled again although it has soured relations between the school and myself as they seem to blame me for what happened, interrogate ds on almost a daily basis "are things alright at home?", have interrogated me on several occasions about our home life which is ridiculous as my kids are my number one priority.
Anyway, ds started as I say, seeing his dad again and it went ok for a while. As soon as ds calmed down and started to trust him he started his antics again. It emerged that ds was not being fed proper meals all day, being kept up late at night (well morning, think 2am). He was tired and grumpy when he came back. I tried to discuss this, exp screamed at me that in his home he would care for ds as he saw fit and I had no say in the matter. Then he started collecting him late (cue ds staring miserably out of the window and clock watching) and bringing him back late so after burning the tea several times I started waiting to cook it (cue miserable 4 year old hungry here with me waiting for her brother to come back). I tried to talk about this...once again I was shouted down and told he would collect and drop off ds when he saw fit, he didn't have to call me and let me know.
He has also ruined many of ds's clothes and shoes and never replaced them or kept things there, to the extent that I opened the drawer one day and there was nothing left. After that I allowed him to take one change of "playing out" clothes. I was then accused of "dressing him like a scrubber". Exp pays me nothing at all in the way of maintenance and buys ds nothing. I pay for everything that child has and I cant afford to keep replacing clothes.
I recently found out (after questioning ds on why he was taking his quilt and a sleeping bag with him), that he has to sleep on the floor at dads and he's cold.
There is so much more but I know this post is already an epic.
It all came to a head this weekend when he was (yet again) 45 minutes late. I called his mobile asking if he had forgotten something again. He screamed at me that "he wasn't in the effing mood, was around the corner and if I dared say one word about it he would turn the car around and go back home". Which he did.
So muggins here was left to tell ds that he wouldn't be going to his dads house.
Then 5 minutes later (when I assume, exp got home without him) ds had a phone call from his dad's partner's son saying how upset he was that ds wasn't coming, he wanted to know why. Then he put his mum on the phone who told ds how disappointed they were, how upset her son was. (HER SON? what about how upset MY son was that his fuckwit father didn't turn up!!) At this point I lost my temper (I try so hard not to) and asked ds to pass me the phone.
It ended up in large row, (conducted in my kitchen with the door shut) where I was told I was unreasonable, childish and lazy (yes im lazy, I work full time and look after two kids while exp and his lady sit on their arses). The sleeping situation was also mentioned where exp told me that ds didn't have to sleep on the floor, he had the choice of jumping in bed with the stepbrother. I said I didn't think that was very fair to either of them and I would buy ds a camp bed to take. Not under his roof apparently. So I suggested exp buy bunk beds to which he told me "why the fk should I buy bunk beds, there's only one kid that lives here and its not (ds).
This is just it for me. I am tired of his attitude, he refuses to discuss anything in a reasonable manner and resorts to shouting at me. I want to stop access...I cant sit by and see ds being mistreated and hurt. He's going to be so upset though and we have to go through the whole cycle again. If I continue with this it will only get worse, I know, ive seen it happen several times.
What on earth am I going to do?
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Im at the end of my tether with exp, any advice welcome.
31 replies
LittlePinkAlien · 13/04/2008 12:47
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