How do I let my baby stay with the woman who broke up our marriage.

[mima02]

6 weeks ago I became a lone parent when my husband who has been horid for a year assaulted me. I thought we were having a bad patch after the birth of my 2nd baby now 7 months old. I had been suspicious that he was involved with a woman at work and had spoken to her a few times as well as my husband about it and asked her to leave him alone she kept saying she had stopped texting him and that I was insane and paranoid. Then a week ago her husband e mailed me to tell me that his wife was leaving him for my husband because he loved her, he also said she was an alcoholic. I was more devestated than the assault because he could have stopped it and didnt, which may have stopped him getting violent incidently because I was asking him to tell me the truth about her because I sensed something was wrong.The lies they have both told me to my face hurt badly and now he wants to see our children and I cant bear to let my baby who grew in me go to him and that woman its just such a shock I cant handle it.

[MrsMattie]

Have you got a solicitor? Surely if he has been violent you need to go to court with this? Don't allow yourself to be bullied into anything by your ex.

[mima02]

I have got a solicitor but how do I ever get over the fact that someone who broke up my marriage can then play happy families with my baby and daughter.

[theUrbanNixie]

i might be wrong but i think you can apply for an exclusion order (??) so that your ex-h can have contact but without the whore other woman. i guess it does depend as well on how keen you are that your kids have contact with that wanker their dad.

ask your solicitor. i'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

[meanmutha]

God I thought my situation was bad... (It is, but differently..) I feel similar about my ex.p introducing new gf to my children. Like me, you will have to grab control of situation and since you are in early stages the sooner the better. To be honest I wouldn't let exhb see them at all in this situation (at least not at first) and then consider options (occasional contact when you're there?) with first mediation then solicitor if that doesn't work. I have learnt the hard way that with piss-taking men like this you need to take control from the start. This may be hard but no matter how shocked, stunned and angry you are its worth it. Do not give in to him. Get all the support you can from family and friends. It's hard enough when they're this age!

[Mumsfruitandnut]

If she is an alcoholic you can't risk it. But do you have proof to show??

[Youcannotbeserious]

Mima,

I'd get something in writing from the OW's husband about the alcoholism (if you don't already have it in the e-mail he sent you). I'd also keep as much evidence as possible that they lied to you. The fact that they lied - directly and bluntly - to your face should be taken into account as to why you might just have trust issues!!! (I would hope anyway)

Your baby is young and I don't think a court would order overnight stays, even perhaps for the 2YO.

You do need to be seen to be reasonable, otherwise it will appear that you are being manipulative. Allow your husband to see the kids in your house when you are there. Even perhaps allow him to stay (have a friend over if you need to have a witness)

I'm afraid you will not be able to determine who your husband introduces to the children in the long term, but you are able to determine how that happens...

For what it's worth, I'm a step mum (have been for 10 years now) and I waited about a year before meeting my step daughters. DH and I were keen to make sure we were secure and settled before introducing the kids.... Before that, I met with DH's ex to talk about the kids and about her methods (no smacking, but firm discipline etc). It's NOT unreasonable to want to know who your 7MO is with........

You do need to be firm from day 1 though. Agree with Meanmutha there.