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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Hello. I am soon about to become a lone parent and I need hints on finding inner strength.

19 replies

gracepaley · 14/03/2008 21:42

That's it really. I have never been a very strong person, and that's one of the reasons why the marriage has broken down. I have become exactly what he wanted me to be and I have lost myself. I am easily buffeted by events, over sensitive, inclined to depression and melancholia and anaesthetising myself with fags and wine. But I want to be really strong now, for myself and the dcs. I am mainly terrified for us all, but also determined to get through this and become a tough old broad, preferably one without an alcohol problem and a 50 a day habit.(that's not where I am now but I can easily see it happening.) How do you do it? Is it possible? How do you all do it? How do you deal with the day to day, and how do you big yourselves up at the end of the day?

OP posts:

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sleepycat · 14/03/2008 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shelleylou · 14/03/2008 21:52

Sorry to hear your situation. Remind yurself of your dc's and that they need you to be strong, its ok to get a bit upset about it at times just try and keep it away from your dc's. Every day is a new day take each one as it comes it will get easier in time. If my ds is happy etc and house is clean that is my goal. For me looking at ds growing/developing and knowing im doing that for him is my reward aswell as a long soak HTH all the best.

birky · 14/03/2008 22:48

My DD keeps me going, I live for her. My ex has put me through absolute hell and I suffer from depression. I too am over sensitive, take things to heart and if I can do it, anyone can. It's not easy but it does get easier day by day. I split up with my xp 4 weeks ago and I'm very proud of the way I'm coping. I do sit and cry but I look at my DD and she keeps me strong

Scramble · 14/03/2008 22:59

I used to suffer badly from depression, but surprisingly since my H left me last Sept I haven't been depressed, OK I have have been down and stressed but not depressed, because I think deep down I knew it was the best thing for me.

I look at my kids and remember it was me that has brought them up and they are fantastic, so I am doing soemthing right.

I keep looking ahead and think what my future can be now that I am free, I am doing what I have to do for me and the kids not for some guy who was like a lodger that watched DVD's with the kids occasionaly.

I try to find the positive and joy in everything that I can, I force myself to smile when I realsie I have a face on like a scowling old woman, Then I try think of what I can smile about, rather than waiting for the happy thought them smiling.

Long term get my husbands job .

Scramble · 14/03/2008 23:00

OOps meant long term goal

goingbonkers · 14/03/2008 23:17

All I can say is an echo of the above. Take it a day at a time. Enjoy being with your DC's and having them to yourself!! They are amazing little things and they really do keep you going. Just a smile or a cuddle with them will make each day special.

You will be fine and you will be happy again. Everytime you look at your DC's, smile, be proud and feel positive about the future.

In a practical way, plan your days, organise yourself in advance where you can especially if your Ex mucks in with the washing/getting dressed etc. Keep their routine going and accept any help you are offered from family and friends.

Good luck. x

gracepaley · 15/03/2008 00:02

Do you all work? I work pt and I am going to have to start working much harder. I'm worried about the affect that will have on the dcs. They are quite old incidentally. 9 and 6.

OP posts:

Scramble · 15/03/2008 00:09

I work part time, usually 2 5 hour shifts a week and a number of long weekends that ad to my hours so I can claim tax credits. The tax credits mean I can stick to those hours and have enough to live on. Plus exH's maintenance. mine are 8 and 11 yrs.

Scramble · 15/03/2008 00:09

that was 2 five hour shifts

windygalestoday · 15/03/2008 00:43

I think and im no expert you have to accept the path before you ,face the challenge and embrace your freedom ......in your 'new life' you will be responsible for your own health and well being, your own self esteem-you will make the decisions wether to wsh up b4 bed or feck it and wait til morning you re master of your own destiny ...of course you will make mistakes and feel lonely but some of the most lonely people are those in unhappy relationships.

dont expect it to happen easily it will all take time just as you had to 'learn' to be married you will have to learn to be single single doesnt equate to failiure- if you know where things went wrong nd you can accept blame, work on putting it right -be yourself-find the person you can be thats hidden inside read trashy books, eat whatever u fancy join groups, meet likeminded people,enjoy life be spontaneous this is a real chance to 'find yourself' you dont NEED a man to make you unhappy and if you concentrate on looing after yourself and your dc in time you will realise how strong you really are and one day you will look back at the person you might have been if youd stayed in a miserable reltionship and thank god you got out.hugs hunny xxx(((u)))

gracepaley · 15/03/2008 00:46

no but I am terrified of never having sex again........

OP posts:

Scramble · 15/03/2008 00:48

Don't worry there is always the chance of sex!!! I ahve a fair number of flies when the realised the shit was back on the market IYKWIM.

I am loving having more money, funny half the family income and I stll have twice as much to spend.

FAQ · 15/03/2008 00:51

You can come and join me if you like - H moved out this evening.........so I'm a new lone parent

(sorry not very helpful/coherent as I've been drinking )

windygalestoday · 15/03/2008 00:51

sex ....scmex ,,,,,course you can get that !!it might be better with a new bloke? take it steady do what u want- i reckon by the summer holidays you will be back to being the person you know is hidden inside you - sometimes in relationship sex is like a way of affirming that you are still 'happy' with each other and when it happens u think oh we must be ok then .......well just u wait til u r having hot horny sex with a new bloke (one whose not asking you to iron his shirt straight after)in the meantime concentrate on boosting your self esteem and visit ann summers

Scramble · 15/03/2008 00:52

Aw FAQ hop[e you are OK babes.

FAQ · 15/03/2008 00:54

I'm ok tonight Scramble - unexpected wine and pizza with friends sorted that out (actually probably one of the best birthday celebrations I've EVER had!).........shall probably feel it tomorrow (and I'm not talking about the head )......

windygalestoday · 15/03/2008 00:54

faq (((u)))

Scramble · 15/03/2008 00:55

Be prepared for the ups and downs but aim for the up and onwards and know that you will be OK and all will be better.

windygalestoday · 15/03/2008 00:58

tomorrow FAQ is a celebration of your new life ......i read on here just the other day 'dont look backwards youre not going that direction'

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