Ds keeps on saying he doesn't want to go to his dads

[CrackerOfNuts]

As far as I know, he is fine once there, but he never wants to go, and doesn't care who knows it, as it he will say it several times in front of his dad when he comes to collect him.

I have told xp that it is because he is bored, and that he needs to make a bigger effort to do stuff with Ds, but tbh they have never been particularly close, which xp blames me for.

Also I think xp might be deliberatly doing this, so that ds stops going and I then go back to having no free time for the kids at all.

Thing is, should I still make ds go ?? He didn't want to go today, and I told him he had to, which made me feel bad, but wasn't sure what else to do.

[Shitemum]

Maybe give XP a handful of leaflets and cuttings of things to do in his area to give him an idea of activites to do with DS. I know he should take the initiative himself but it'll start him off hopefully. If they don't get on they need to do some fun things togethr or it'll only get worse.

[CrackerOfNuts]

Oh I have done just that before and he takes no notice.

Xp is into footie, Ds isn't, infact there is no common interest between them, but I feel that xp being the grown up, should make the effort. Ds is only 5.

Xp doesn't even talk to him about his interests if he can help it.

The girls have said that when they are there, Xp either has sky sports news on whilst they play hide and seek, or Xp sticks them in front of a dvd and sits there with his headphones on.

The girls are alot better at amusing themselves than ds though, and I have explained this to xp, but it falls on deaf ears.

He has no car so I appreicate that it can be hard to think of places to go, but he had told the kids recently that he was going to buy a car so he could take them out, but apparently has changed his mind.

[ivykaty44]

Yes keep your dc going, if your ex needs ideas - library, park, nature walks (lots of mud in the winter!)baking, (refriderater cake is easy - no actual baking lots of bashing the biscuits) and swimming. Most of these activities are free aswell.

I would also tell your dc it is hurtful to say these things to his dad and he must stop saying them in front of you. He may be playing you of ex to see what happens and it is best to nip this type of behaviour in the bud.

[CrackerOfNuts]

I really don't think he is playing me off against his dad tbh. He just wouldn't understand how to do that. Ds is a very 'say what he's thinking' little lad, and doesn't yet seem to understand the think before you speak thing.

I have told him that he shouldn't say it, and why, but as far as ds is concerned he is telling the truth.

[edam]

Perhaps give ds ideas about things he could do at his dad's. Library/walk/park might get a better response if it comes from ds. And if it worked it would give ds a boost as well.

[pedilia]

DS1 says this all the time and used to have HUGE tantrums because he did not want to go, it was very difficult for me to have to literaaly force him.
I had no choice but to persevere after a court order so I did and after a very difficult couple of months he accepted tat he had to go.
I get the odd weekend when he kicks off. He is also bored when he is there and I have tried talking to XP but as he is a selfish twat he won't listen.

Hang on in there he will get used to going it is always worse for us as the parent watching them get so distressed.

[CrackerOfNuts]

Yeah I will do that.

Problem is, xp tends to say he will do XYZ with them, and then when they say 'so are we doing xyz' today, he says no.

There is a play area right by his, but I bet desoite the sunny weather here today, he won't take them.

[CrackerOfNuts]

Xp reckons ds doesn't like him, because me and ds have always been really close, and in xp's opinion this has stopped him getting close to ds.

Complete and utter bollocks, and an excuse though IMO.

[snotbuster]

I find 'prompting' DS works better than if I suggest things to XP- if DS arrives saying he wants to go to the park it sometimes actually happens!
Very that XP is saying DS doesn't like him - you are right in saying that as he's the grown up he should make the effort.
How long are the DC there for at the weekends?