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One night stands = baby's

(118 Posts)
krisked Tue 23-Nov-04 16:48:21

I have just had a very interesting but heated conversation with a friend for college about the plight of fathers for justice/CSA and would like your comments....Sorry if this winds people up but i believe it should be discussed.

The topic was basically "Men should pay ther're way but should it be the same rules for men who have one night stands or are tricked" whatever that means ....we all know it takes 2 to tango.

The story started with that recent news release of the boy who said the girl told him she was on the pill and now will have to support the child until 16. Do you think this is right????

pixiefish Tue 23-Nov-04 16:50:39

Suppose the answer to this is condoms isn't it. If a man wants to have unsafe sex then not only is he risking his sexual health and his health but this is also a risk he takes.

If he wants to make sure that he's part of the decision making process when it comes to making babies then the simple answer is wear a condom until you want a baby

Caligula Tue 23-Nov-04 16:51:10

Yes. She may well have been on the pill, but sometimes, it fails. There is no contraception on earth that is 100% reliable yet. And he's responsible for his contraception, she's responsible for hers. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime!

Interesting that he wasn't using a condom. What about safe sex?

Mum2girls Tue 23-Nov-04 16:52:51

Eloquently put pixiefish. Agree entirely.

MummyToSteven Tue 23-Nov-04 16:54:39

Message withdrawn

JanH Tue 23-Nov-04 16:55:11

Well it doesn't wind me up, krisked, but it's one of those impossibly complex arguments full of "on the one hand" and "on the other hand"...I suppose you could argue that the boy should have used a condom too...but then did she really tell him she was on the pill...and if she did, had she forgotten to take it, or did it fail...

No, it doesn't seem right that he has to pay until the child is 16, but somebody has to - if it could be proved somehow that a girl deliberately set out to become pregnant by whoever was willing then maybe the father should be let off the hook but otherwise...

(Lots of dots in my arguments!)

Chandra Tue 23-Nov-04 16:55:31

Well, he was not wearing any contraceptive device, does he? woman and man are equally responible for the conception, why just the woman?

krisked Tue 23-Nov-04 16:56:38

Sorry girls,

I just want to add that by posting on this thread by no means am i assuming that most single parents are results of one night stands.

Im more interested in the CSA aspect and many of you have a whole range of experiences......

My point in the argument and i may as well express it is why should someone who although stupidly had a one night stand pay thousands when mothers who were married for years have trouble getting anything. I know its about the children but should the CSA judge these cases the same or do you think the fathers role in upbringing should count for something!!

tabitha Tue 23-Nov-04 16:56:47

Yep, I agree too pixiefish. If a man's that bothered about not getting a girl pregnant, then he should use condoms. Mind you they can 'fail' too but at least he knows that he's doing all he can to prevent a pregnancy.

JanH Tue 23-Nov-04 16:56:48

Condoms fail too though, don't they? If he'd used one and it had failed would he still be responsible? And it would always only be his word against hers whatever happened.

SantaFio2 Tue 23-Nov-04 16:56:58

well this happened to a man I know, so I am a bit biased but at the end of the day there is a child and it has to be supported however it is made

DillyDally Tue 23-Nov-04 16:57:08

Do people still "trick" men into having a baby? I thought that was only a soap storyline (barring some exceptions).
Men need to accept responsibility for their own actions, rather than thinking with their bits or hoping the women take all responsibility.

SantaFio2 Tue 23-Nov-04 16:59:37

but on the other hand dont women know that they can catch aids if a man they dont know doesnt where a condom (or even if they know him) iykwim, very risky business

krisked Tue 23-Nov-04 17:01:05

I also disagree with the "women have a choice to abort" argument..... That really wound me up

SantaFio2 Tue 23-Nov-04 17:03:27

condoms fail too but you can have morning after pill, but they may fail also

Caligula Tue 23-Nov-04 17:04:16

I think no-one should expect to be able to have sex and 100% be guaranteed not to have a baby. That's what sex is for, and the fact that it is just treated as a leisure activity is what is so confusing for teenagers who forget that there's no such thing as 100% reliable contraception. You can take the pill, have an IUD in and have the man wearing a condom, and still get pregnant! (In theory - although I've never heard of it happening in practice - though I'm sure if it has happened to a Mumsnetter, she'll let us know!)

Chandra Tue 23-Nov-04 17:07:00

Well as Joseph Rotblat (Peace Nobel prize) once said: You are responsible for all your creations (children included).

I have a question, are we still held by machism "regulations"?. If a woman gets pregnant accidentally and decides not to care for the baby she is an irresponsible mother, but if a man does the same.... why is he a victim???

Chandra Tue 23-Nov-04 17:48:04

Was this thread dead or did I kill it???

Uwila Tue 23-Nov-04 17:48:54

I'm sorry (actually I'm not), but it's about damned time men stand up and take resposibility for their actions. Married or not, the child is theirs. And the fact that he went dippin' his willy when he was single and stupid doesn't make that child any less deserving of a father.

Our actions have consequences, and we should all be held accountable (even if we don't want to be).

Uwila Tue 23-Nov-04 17:51:44

There is actually another mumsnetter on here now who went a little too far one night, took the morning after pill... and she's pregnant anyway. No father. She's going it alone. There was no intended trap there. But, as always, woman takes responsibility.

lockets Tue 23-Nov-04 18:11:32

Message withdrawn

Tinker Tue 23-Nov-04 19:47:02

Well, I got pregnant as a result onf a one-night stand. No trickery involved, just booze. Don't see the logic in "Why should someone (the father) have to pay thousands?". Er, why not? I have to. I've taken responsibility for a joint act of irresponsibility. Why shouldn't the father? (He doesn't particularly btw)

hmb Tue 23-Nov-04 20:03:55

As my deal old Mother used to say 'If you don't want to go to Cardiff, don't get on the train'. If a bloke doesn't want a kid why doesn't he take responsibility? and also accept that since no contraception is 100% safe he should factor the risk before he has a quick shag.

JanH Tue 23-Nov-04 20:19:12

hmb, did she really say that? What a great saying! (Must send it into Quote Unquote - they could do with some good ones!)

joash Tue 23-Nov-04 20:23:21

Here's the MNer who has three kids - 1 a condom baby, one a pill baby and one an IUD - and I've worked in the sexual health field!!!!

These things happen and I agree with what everyone says about - if your gonna 'shag' you have to be willing to take the consequences.

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